The Definition of Us
by mr-and-mrs-bates
Summary: Anna Smith and John Bates have been friends since childhood. As they both leave to attend university their futures threaten pull them in separate directions. But will a wild night redefine their relationship?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I'll admit this is a little off script in the sense that I placed John and Anna a little closer in age. I wanted them to both be able to attend university around the same time without having such a large age gap. It's a modern A/U and I wanted to explore what these two would be like if they had a drunken night together. This is in celebration of theglamourfades birthday (aka froggattcoyles on tumblr). Hope you all enjoy. Please review.**_

_**The Definition of Us**_

**Chapter 1**

It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to just call or text out of the blue. They had been friends forever. So much so that it had never occurred to him to love her as anything more than that. Anna Smith was like family to John Bates. She had been a constant in his life; she sat with him out in the snow in front of their school the day his father had walked out on him and his mother, she had attended the funeral with him when his mother died, and cheered him on when he got accepted into the university of his dreams. He had been just as much a part of her life as she was of his. John met that fiery little spirit when she tried to defend her older brother from a group of bullies at school, he knew she never liked to go home after her mother remarried, and he was the only one that encouraged her to pursue a degree in art. Together they had navigated the highs and lows of adolescence. And while there were forces in the world that threatened to pull them apart, their relationship only grew stronger as time marched on.

John found himself in the university library thinking of her when he should have been studying for his exams. It was happening more frequently now. The way her face or her voice would suddenly creep up into his thoughts. He was defenseless, unable to push her from his mind even when he wanted to. And when he was in her presence it was all the more complicated. He had always found her pretty, of course. Pretty was an understatement. She was stunning and riveting. Her thoughts challenged his way of thinking and her voice was like music to his ears. As the words fell from her lips he could only stare at the way her mouth moved, and imagined what it might be like to press the curve of his lips against hers. John shook his head as he tried to get control of himself and focus on his studies. His eyes poured over the same page he had already read through five times before but had somehow failed to absorb a single piece of information. He felt a vibration from his pocket and quickly tried to pull the mobile phone out before he disturbed the other library patrons. A single name flashed across the screen. One that would be permanently etched on his heart and mind. Anna.

John tried to find a some solitude between the stacks where he could speak freely without the risk of being shushed. "Anna?" he asked. A call from Anna was a normal occurrence, but not this late in the evening. He glanced down at his watch to check the time again. It was nearly midnight.

"Hello, John?" an unfamiliar voice answered back.

"Yes, this is he," John replied with a hint of concern. If it wasn't Anna calling him, who was? And why did they have Anna's phone?

"You probably don't remember me. I'm Anna's friend. Gwen," she responded.

Gwen? Gwen. Yes. He remembered now. A sweet, tiny, red-haired girl with freckles spattered across her cheeks. She had seemed to have a thing for him at one of Anna's birthday parties, but he had paid her no mind.

"Yes. Gwen of course. Is Anna alright?" he asked. John hoped he hadn't sounded too desparate.

"She's fine, but we went out to celebrate the end of the semester and I'm afraid she's had a bit too much to drink. I can't get her home on my own. You were the first number to pop up on her phone contacts that I recognized. I hate to bother you..."

"I'll be right there. Just let me gather my stuff up here. Text me the address," John instructed on the phone as he headed back to his seat where his books were strewn about on a table.

"Thanks. I really appreciate it," she replied.

"It's not a problem. No thanks required. Stay put," John said.

* * *

"Anna, I need you to drink some water. You don't want a hangover tomorrow," Gwen tried to prevent her friend from feeling worse in the morning.

"I'll be fine," Anna answered back confidently even though she stumbled a bit as she took a seat.

"You most certainly will not. And I don't need you getting sick in the car when John gets here," Gwen argued.

Anna temporarily came to her senses, "John is coming? Here? Tonight?"

Gwen had to restrain a laugh. "Yes. I told you that already. He'll be here shortly to help me get you home."

"Oh no. He can't see me like this," Anna said as she tried to peek a glance of herself in a mirror.

"Well he's going to have to. I can't very well carry you up the five flights of stairs to your flat on my own."

Anna quickly headed for the restroom in an effort to clean herself up. John had never seen her drunk before.

"Gwen!" John called out when he spotted the red head. He made his way through the crowd to get to her as fast as possible. Even though Gwen told him Anna was alright his mind wouldn't be fully at ease until he saw her. When he reached Gwen his eyes immediately sought out Anna. John had to remind himself not to completely ignore Anna's friend at the risk of being rude. "Thanks for calling me," he said as he hugged her briefly. "Where is she?" he asks hoping he didn't sound too desperate.

"She's tidying herself up in the loo," Gwen filled in.

John nods his head in understanding. "How bad is it?"

"Not horrible. But walking a straight line is proving to be quite problematic," Gwen filled him in.

Just then, Anna emerged from the restroom clutching at her stomach. John wasted no time closing the gap between them to help her. His hand circled around the back of her waist and he couldn't help but smirk as her head came to rest on the side of his shoulder. "Hey kid," he greeted her warmly as he always had. The nickname was an old habit from when they were children. Anna having been a few years younger than him it had come naturally. "You look a little worse for the wear," John said teasingly.

"No. I'm just getting my second wind," she responded cheerfully. "You should have a drink with me, John. Gwen is being a spoilsport," she said with a pouty lip.

"As tempting as that sounds I have a long night of studying ahead and I won't be able to concentrate fully until I know you are home safe and sound," John said truthfully.

Anna hooked her arm over the back of his neck as she spoke, "Tell you what..."

He smiled easily. John could tell she was already mapping out a way to get what she wanted.

"If I drink the rest of this water and I can make it back to my flat without getting sick, you have to partake in a drink with me."

"Anna..." he began to argue.

"And a dance," she added.

"Anna," he resisted a little louder.

"Come on, John don't be a fuddy duddy. You're always so serious," Anna said as she ruffled his hair a little.

Had it been anyone else he would have snapped at them for invading his personal space, but not Anna.

"I'm not always serious," he shot back.

"You almost never smile," she pointed out.

"I smile," he sounded slightly offended.

"When?"

_"Whenever I'm with you,"_ he thought to himself.

"I don't know. But I'm sure it happens," he stammered.

She chuckled in response and gripped his arm to regain her sense of balance.

"What do you care if I smile anyhow?" he inquired.

_"It's a glorious smile. If only you could see what I see when you light up,"_ she thought to herself. "You're my friend. It's my job," she declared.

"Alright kid. Well as my friend I'm sure you want me to finish studying and get a good night's sleep. So let's get you home," he reasoned. "Now where's your purse?" John asked.

"Right here, you fun sponge," Anna said sarcastically as she held up her purse for him to see.

Gwen chuckled to herself as she trailed behind them.

* * *

John struggled to keep Anna upright while working the keys in the lock. But he eventually managed it and helped Anna inside. John assisted her out of her coat and folded it neatly over the back of the couch. "Can I get you some water?" he offered.

"Yes please," she answered softly.

Her apartment was covered in half packed boxes; a silent reminder that she'd be leaving soon to spend a year abroad studying art in a few short weeks. John rummaged through the cupboards in search of some Tylenol. He turned around to hand Anna the glass filled with water when he realized he was all alone. "Um...Anna? Where did you go?"

"I'm in here!" she called out from her bedroom.

Her words gave John pause as he stopped just short of her bedroom door. "Are you...um" he cleared his throat, "decent?"

"Oh John, don't be daft," she said. "You've seen me in far less."

"I beg your pardon?" he asked with a look of confusion.

"You've seen me in a swimsuit," she reminded him.

"That's different," he tried to argue while averting his eyes.

"Is it really, John?" she countered innocently. She began removing her shirt.

"What are you doing?" he asked, almost spilling the glass of water on himself.

"It's bloody hot in here and my air conditioner is out," she explained. "Don't worry. I'm wearing a bra."

"Oh, yes that makes it alright," John muttered to himself as he set the glass down on her bedside table.

Anna appeared to be struggling with getting her shirt off and finally John crossed the room to help her, "Here. Let me help you." He approached her cautiously and asked her to lift her arms, which she did without hesitation. John then slid the shirt up and over her, his fingertips lightly grazing her sides. She flinched only slightly; he clearly hit a ticklish spot. She smiled up at him; like a beautiful flower in bloom, her mouth blossomed. Goosebumps spread across her flesh, but it wasn't cold. Could it be that she was nervous in front of him? Her exquisite breasts were still held within their pink satin confines. John turned away and began fishing through her dresser drawers looking for a night shirt or at the very least a tank top. He finally located a t-shirt and outstretched his arm towards her to pass it over while still keeping his eyes fixed on the wall ahead of him. "Here you go," he said abruptly.

The shirt was dangling from his hands, but Anna did not reach for the garment. "I don't want to change, John," Anna stated clearly.

"Well, I can't very well just let you walk around topless. It wouldn't be right," John argued. His words held firm in their resolve, but his thoughts were an entirely different matter.

Anna rose from the bed and walked closer to John. She pulled the shirt from his hand and tossed it over her shoulder. A mischievous smirk settled on her face and her eyes darkened as she looked him over from head to toe. "Then let's even things up shall we."

"How do you mean?" John asked with a hard gulp.

"You take off your shirt," she suggested.

"Anna, I can't...I have to go…" he tried to stand firm on his decision.

"Go where, John? Back to the library?"

"Yes."

"You and I both know you know that material backwards and forwards. Come on. You need to let loose once in awhile," she said trying to convince him. "Besides, you promised to share a drink and a dance with me."

"Actually, I didn't promise. You suggested it, I merely avoided the topic," he shot back.

"Uh, you can be such a lawyer sometimes," she groaned with frustration.

"Well, that is what I plan on being," John replied. The conversation had taken a somewhat serious turn and for a moment John forgot that she was standing in front of him wearing only jeans and a bra.

"Well, I'm having a drink," she concluded. "And I prefer not to drink alone. So…"

"Fine," John huffed.

Anna cleared her throat and whistled as she pointed to his shirt. "You are a little over dressed for drinks with me."

John let his head droop down, unsure of what kind of hold she had over him. And yet he couldn't find it in him to argue with her. He shrugged his shirt off and pulled it over his head. The motion left his hair in disarray and revealed the muscles in his back and arms to her.

Anna bit nervously on her lower lip as she tried to control her baser urges.

"Are you happy now?" John asked.

"Quite," Anna replied readily. She scurried into the kitchen, her hips swaying in a hypnotic fashion. Anna began to pull out some shot glasses and found a bottle of vodka in the freezer.

"Well, while we are making rules. I can't drink in absolute silence," John said as he strutted through her sitting room and found the cd player. He skimmed through her selection and after a few cd cases were rummaged through John finally put a disc into the player. "Now this. This is a good song. I can't believe you have this song," he commented.

"I can't believe you like this song," she remarked.

"I'm only a few years older than you, Anna. I'm not cashing social security checks just yet."

She came to life with laughter and began to pour the liquor into the shot glasses. Her hand shaking slightly from her laughter as well as her inebriation.

"What are we drinking to?" he asked before running a hand through his loose hair. He stretched his arms and swung them back and forth like he was preparing for a marathon.

Anna was so captivated by the sight of John walking around in only jeans she almost didn't answer the question. His chest and lower half was covered liberally with dark hair. He wasn't quite chiseled, but he was fit and she had always fancied the way he looked.

"Anna?"

"Huh?"

"What are we drinking to?"

"Friendship. Of course," she stated.

They clinked their shot glasses together and let their heads fall back as the vodka fell into their mouths. With their eyes clenched shut they both let out a groan as the liquor ran down their throats and settled in their belly. "Now what?" he asked.

"Now we paint," Anna instructed.

"Uh, it's a little late for that, don't you think?"

"What does your Mum enforce a bedtime?"

"No."

"Alright then. What's stopping you?"

"Nothing I suppose," he answered back.

"Well then?" Anna handed him a brush and began pulling out some paper. She cranked up the music and began removing her pants. It happened so fast John didn't even have time to respond. "I don't want to stain my jeans with paint," she said as if reading his mind. She was down to her knickers and bra, looking fine as hell, and who was he to argue with her logic.

John stepped forward to paint with her, but she raised her hand to stop him.

"You'll want to do the same," she added

"Is this a regular thing for you?" he asked.

"Yeah, I feel so much more free when I paint like this," she commented. Anna then went back to the cd player and cranked up the music.

Before they knew it they were dancing to the song John had put on. The two of them dancing innocently. Their bodies occasionally coming together, but never anything more than friendliness being exchanged between them. John spun her around the room and what he lacked in rhythm he made up for in confidence. Anna only loved him all the more for it.

They both took another shot before setting to work on their canvas. John lacked the vision she had but he didn't let it stop him from trying. All the while Anna praised him for every squiggle and doodle he added to their shared masterpiece. He kept arguing that he had messed it up or it looked stupid, but Anna would merely kiss his cheek and tell him, "I'll make it better." Her words carried more weight than she realized. All his life that is what she had been doing. Fixing all the broken moments that didn't make sense. Somehow making them better than he had imagined. She playfully splattered him with paint from her brush and John did the same. Her blonde hair was tied up rather sloppily, but he still looked at her with complete adoration.

And half hour or so later they both found themselves lying on her bed, their bare bodies covered in paint, save for the underwear and bra. Her second wind of energy had lasted longer than he expected but he was glad he listened to her. Those moments spent alone in her company were just what he needed. He couldn't imagine being this close to anyone else as long as he lived and that was what scared him the most. What if he told her how he felt and she didn't feel the same way? Or if she did but he found some way to ruin it like his father did with his mother? He could never forgive himself if he did something like that to Anna. But what if he never said anything and she ended up with someone else? Could he really just idly stand by and pretend to be happy for her, when he knew that no one could possibly try as hard as he would to ensure her safety and happiness?

Anna pulled him from his thoughts as she snuggled up next to him; her hot breath on his neck, her breasts still encased within her bra but pressed up against him, and her hands resting perfectly against his bare chest. John pushed a loose lock of hair from her eyeline to get a better glimpse of her face. His fingers stopped to trace the tiny scar she had above her eye from a car crash she'd been in a few years ago. It was a day that still lingered in his memory; a day he nearly lost her for good. He had taken a semester off from university to be by her side for the entire recovery. She had worried that the scar would be noticeable, but John had assured her he could barely see it and she was still just as gorgeous as before.

_"What if no one likes the way I look after it heals?" she had asked half teasing._

_"I will like you," he assured her. _

_"That's not the same. You are my friend, you have to like me," she said with a giggle. _

_"My love for you is like this scar, Anna Smith. Hardly noticeable but permanent," he joked._

_She paused and smiled broadly as she reminded him that, "Like and love are not the same things."_

_"Alright, then I'll love you," he answered back without a moment's hesitation._

_The conversation came to a grinding halt as they sat there awkwardly until Anna's mother had arrived to check in on her daughter. _

The more his eyes roamed over her perfect form, he could still pinpoint each individual brush stroke he had marked her with. Her laughter still filling his ears as she squealed out with glee. It wasn't the first time he had seen her like this, but he suddenly had a new found appreciation for her and her figure. The way she was so willing to share herself with him like this. It went beyond friendship, surely. Maybe there never would be a simple term to define what they shared. Parts of their lives would not always fit into one simple box that was neatly labeled, but perhaps it was divided into compartments as their friendship and love for one another had evolved.

"John, what are you brooding about?" she mumbled while half asleep.

"I'm not brooding," John whispered back to her as he pulled a sheet over her to keep her warm.

Anna's hand began to snake up the front of his body and stopped just under his chin as she tilted his face towards her own. Her lips pursed together as she closed her eyes and let her mouth cover his. She let out a gratified moan as their lips molded together.

The sensation that shot down his spine and settled in the pit of his stomach was all too gratifying. John could feel himself responding to her; wanting more of her with every stroke of her fingertips upon his flesh. "Anna...we have to stop," he protested.

"Why?" she asked back in a moment of clarity.

"Because you've been drinking. It would be taking advantage," John said. His brain was calling him every possible horrible name in the book. "I wouldn't want you to make a decision you'd live to regret."

Anna sat up on her elbows and faced John squarely, "I couldn't regret it. Not ever."

John bit down on his lip as he considered her words, "Maybe not. But if that were something we were to do, I'd rather you be able to fully enjoy yourself and remember it the next day."

Anna laid her head back down upon his shoulder and let out a pouting sigh.

John scolded himself for not rebuffing her more gently. He may have just ruined any possible chance he had with her in the future.

They laid there in silence, John lightly caressing the soft skin of her back and arm as she fell asleep.

"John?" Anna asked in a groggy voice with her eyes still closed. "Why are you so good to me?" she said in a whisper before succumbing to sleep. A small snore escaped her lips and he smiled down at her.

He considered his response and leaned closer to her ear, thinking that she probably wouldn't even remember this conversation in the morning. "It's because I love you," John whispered into her shell of an ear as he watched to see if she'd respond. She only continued to sleep peacefully in his large arms. "I always have and I always will," he added with a raspy voice.

John laid there in the dark as he kept a vigil over Anna. There. He had said it. And maybe she hadn't heard it, but he had come to the conclusion that she would eventually.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: You all convinced me to continue on with this little storyline. I appreciated each and everyone of your reviews. To the guest reviews that I can't respond to individually they all meant so much to me. I have to give a tiny shout out to Isis the Dog for always reviewing my stuff and not being able to respond back to it. Hope you all enjoy this. Please review.**_

**Chapter 2**

John heard the rumble of his phone going off on the bedside table. He let out a small groan, still exhausted from the evening before. He reached for his mobile as if he were still in his own flat, but a few failed reaches quickly reminded him of his place. John's eyes opened fully when he recognized the small weight that was resting against him. He looked down to see Anna's brow furrowing as the phone continued to vibrate. John hated to disturb her, but history had proven to him that Anna was not a morning person. And so he chose the lesser of two evils and stretched his arm a little further to grab the device and rapidly swiped the screen to silence the alarm.

Anna stirred, but her eyes remained closed.

John let out a sigh of relief at first as he let his eyes linger on the gorgeous woman sleeping beside him. But then he was painfully aware of the reason his phone had alarmed in the first place. John pried himself from beneath Anna's hold and evaluated her once more. Good lord. Could she sleep. _"She'd probably sleep through a train driving through here,"_ he thought to himself as he chuckled softly. What he wouldn't give to spend a few more hours with her like this. Unfortunately, he was going to be late for a study session in the library before one of his first exams started. John was about to put his clothes back on when he caught his reflection in the mirror. He was nearly covered head to toe in paint. "Shit," he muttered to himself. He couldn't very well show up to the library like this. John scurried into the bathroom and turned the water on for the shower. He undressed fully and hopped into the water that was a little too cold for his liking, but after waking up next to Anna only half dressed it was probably for the best. John picked the least sweet smelling shampoo from the shelf and began to lather himself up. A thousand thoughts were running through his mind. "She wanted you and you wanted her. You missed your chance," he thought. "You need to get yourself together ole boy," he whispered as his head rested against the cool tile of the shower wall.

"Talking to yourself?" a sweet voice called out.

"Anna? Christ! Have you heard of a thing called, privacy?" John asked in a voice that threatened to crack as he covered up. A thin, nearly-see-through shower curtain separating them.

"In my own home?" she asked with a giggle. Her fingers hovered just outside the curtain as she considered teasing him a bit. And then the thought of his naked form popped into her head and the temptation left her reeling.

"Anna, please," he pleaded. "I'm going to be late for my study group and then I have my exam."

"Alright," she gave in. "I take it we got home in a cab last night?"

"You would be correct," he answered back.

"Hurry it up. I'll have breakfast waiting for you when you get out and then I'll give you a ride down to the library."

"Thank you," John said. He heard her shut the bathroom door behind her as she exited and let out a deep breath.

* * *

"Oh god. He was there only a few feet away from me. Looking gorgeous I'm sure," she mumbled to herself. Anna scolded herself silently for having drank so much. Anna could barely remember what had happened last night and she could only imagine how she must have acted. She could have sworn they had kissed, or maybe she had dreamt that. It was all still so hazy for her. With her head pounding she knocked back a glass of water and rubbed at her temples. Her mind still trying to make sense of it all. An image nagging at the back of her head of her leaning in to kiss him and John saying something about not wanting her to regret it.

Anna leaned uneasily against the counter top as visions of them twirling around the room came back in fragments. It wouldn't have been the first time that she had imagined his lips brushing against hers. The stubble of his face rough against her smooth skin, his big strong hands cradling the back of her head to gain more access to her mouth, and the way his eyes would have poured over her. Nothing but pure devotion shrouding her as he held her in his arms. Anna could feel her knees going weak just thinking about it. Her natural response was to pull out a cigarette and take a drag off of it to calm her nerves. She dug into a small tin box under her kitchen sink and fished out the cigarettes and a lighter. Anna tried to get the lighter to spark but her hand shook furiously as she sensed John finishing up with his shower.

Anna was reminded of the reason she had to devise a hiding place for the cigarettes in the first place. John had caught her once before when she had picked up the habit. It was shortly after her stepfather had stared at her too long for her liking. She had been brave, hadn't fallen victim to his ways and threatened him with a kitchen knife. Even nicked him enough for the neighbors to call the cops. But, her mother had convinced him not to say anything in exchange that they wouldn't say anything. Her mother had left her stepfather, but Anna still never felt safe within her family home after that. She had taken up spending more time with John, but Anna had never told him what had happened. The feel of a cigarette between her lips had managed to keep her anxieties at bay.

A few years ago, when John caught her smoking he had given her a tongue lashing like she had never expected.

_John took the cigarette from her mouth and threw it to the ground before snubbing it out with the heel of his shoe._

_"What the hell?"_

_"Don't you know how bad these are for you?" he asked. _

_"Yes, John. I'm not an idiot," she fired back._

_"Well, you're certainly acting like one," he said. _

_"You're not my father. You can't tell me what to do."_

_"You're right I'm not your father, but I love you just as much and I'm just as disappointed," John said._

_"I'm just going through a lot right now, John. I can't explain it, but they help me," she said._

_"Then tell me what's going on," he begged, his voice suddenly sounding less angry and more desperate, with a hand on either side of her arm. "Anna I'm here for you. Let me help you instead."_

_She still kept the secret to herself. Anna knew John better than anyone. She knew what lengths he would go to for someone he cared about. Anna couldn't risk him finding out and searching for her stepfather in an effort to carry out his own form of justice. But it didn't stop her from crying into his shoulder that night on his couch. His mother had let Anna stay the night. She slept in John's bed, while John slept on the couch in the living room. _

_Her words still lingering in his head, "You ever think of going somewhere where no one knows us?"_

Anna still lit one up every once in awhile just to feel it burn between her fingertips, but she never inhaled. She was about to light the cigarette when she heard the shower water stop and broke the cigarette in half. Anna tossed it down the drain and began searching for something for John to eat.

* * *

When John emerged from the bathroom he found Anna waiting at the small table she had set up in her kitchen. He had taken longer than he planned on but after having her so close to him like that he needed a few minutes to gain some control over his senses again. He ran a hand through his still wet hair and offered her one of his award winning smiles. "Good morning," he said softly.

"Hey," she replied. "I've got you some tea in a thermos and a banana nut muffin."

John crossed the room so he was standing beside her. "I thought you said you were making me breakfast," John replied with a skeptical look on his face.

"You want me to whip something up in the kitchen? Or you want to make it to class? Besides, I'm not much of a cook," she said.

"Don't I know it," he replied before letting out a grunt. "Ouch," John said as he rubbed at the rib Anna had managed to jab her elbow into.

"Oh, don't be such a big baby. I bet it won't even bruise," Anna brushed off his comment as she grabbed her keys and tied her hair back in a ponytail.

"Won't bruise, my eye. You're all corners kid. You should come with a warning, 'beware of sharp edges'," he teased.

"Shut up," Anna said. "You weren't exactly complaining when you snuggled up against me for warmth last night." She tossed John his hoodie and waited for him to gather his things.

"Well if you weren't such a blanket hog, snuggling up next to you wouldn't be necessary," he shot back.

Anna froze at his words for a moment and her action made him stop midway through pulling his hoodie over his head.

"I didn't mean…"

"It's fine. We should get going," Anna interrupted him and cleared her throat. "You'll be late." She let herself out first then waited for him to pass her with a weak smile drawn across his face.

* * *

John had been rather preoccupied all morning and he thought the feelings for Anna would ebb with her out of sight. But she was having quite the opposite effect on him.

"You look like shit, mate," Robert whispered as he leaned over towards John. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Not much," John answered honestly. He failed to make eye contact with Robert and seemed unable to focus as his mobile vibrated on the desk. John grabbed it and saw it was a text from Anna.

_Thanks for looking after me last night. You looked a little rattled this morning, I hope I didn't say or do anything to upset you. Best of luck on your exam today, I'm sure you'll do brilliantly-Anna_

"Hitting the books hard last night?" Robert inquired.

"You could say that," John replied. Again he was half paying attention as he responded back to Anna.

_You could never be at fault. Think nothing of it. Just nerves was all. I'll let you know how it goes when I'm finished with my test-John _

"Uh huh," Robert replied in disbelief. "The paint on the back of your neck says otherwise," he pointed out.

John groaned, realizing he missed a spot. Anna had still had paint all over her flesh too when she dropped him off at the university, but it had been well hidden beneath her sweatshirt and jeans. At least she still had the option to head back home and shower.

"Look mate, you can lie to yourself all you want. But I only know of one girl that carries around a paint palette and follows you around like a shadow," Robert reminded him.

"It's not what you think," John filled in before Robert could continue.

"And what is it you think I am thinking?" Robert asked with a raised eyebrow.

"That we…" God he couldn't even say the words. "That we are more than friends."

"Aren't you?"

"No. I mean...yes we are the best of friends. But we aren't dating," John answered back slightly flustered.

"You could have fooled me."

John shot him a warning look.

Robert raised his hands in defeat. "John, I'm your best friend." Robert corrected himself, "Your best male friend. And if she is nothing more than your friend then I am happy for you."

John couldn't resist the urge to ask his next question, "And if she were something more?"

"Do you want her to be?"

"I...I don't know. Maybe."

"You know Cora told me once that sometimes the most important questions are the ones we already know the answers to," Robert said. "I'm not sure if there is any truth to that; must be some American wisdom wiping off on me. But if you want it to be something more, you can't just wait for it to happen. You have to say something."

John sat there contemplating Robert's words for a few moments before he finally shut his text book. "I can't."

"Why ever not?"

"Because, she's supposed to be leaving in a few weeks to spend a year abroad. If I said anything I could ruin what little time I have left with her. What's worse is she might not go."

Robert looked slightly confused. "Don't you want her to stay?"

"Well, yes. But not like this. I couldn't rob her of such an chance."

Robert let off a tired sigh before speaking again. "You know her better than I do. If you think this is what she needs, then I wish you all the best."


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Finally got around to writing out this little scenario between our favorite couple. ****Hope you all enjoy! Please review.**_

**Chapter 3**

_"John…" Anna said softly as she stared at the view before them. Her voice was like a whisper of a thrill on the wind. _

_John quirked the corner of his mouth in response at the sound of his name. No one else could ever say his name in that special way._

_"...I need to ask you something," she continued._

_"Sounds ominous," he joked. John's face turned in her direction to look over at her. _

_"I wouldn't ask anyone else but you," she clarified. _

_"Well now you've really got me worried," he teased with a smile. _

_It was one of those blinding smiles that made her heart speed up. "It's a favor really..." Anna added as she began to fidget with her fingers nervously. There was a small space between them as they sat on the dock, their legs hanging over the edge with their feet hovering just above the water. _

_The trip to the lake house had been John's idea to celebrate Anna's sixteenth birthday. In part it was because he was trying to make it up to her for scolding her about the cigarettes. She'd been so depressed lately and he thought a day trip away for the day would cheer her up, even if it was too cold outside to go into the lake. _

_"Name it, kid," John encouraged her. _

_Anna pushed an errant strand of blonde hair behind her ear. She turned to face him directly, "Would you teach me how to kiss?"_

_"What?" John said with a look of confusion. Whatever he had planned on her asking that certainly wasn't it. Surely she had kissed someone before this. _

_"I don't know how other than what I've seen in the movies," she openly admitted. "Most girls my age have already gotten their first kiss and I don't want to ask them how one goes about doing it."_

_"So you thought I was the next likely candidate?"_

_"Well you are a boy so you know what they like," she reasoned. _

_Therein lay the problem. John knew exactly what boys liked. He also knew where kissing could lead and he didn't want to think about Anna doing any of those things with someone else. _

_"And you've kissed a girl before I assume."_

_"You assume right," he answered back quickly. _

_Of course he had kissed other girls. How could she even compete with them? She was probably an insignificant drop in a bucket full of girls he had been with. Anna began mentally creating a checklist of all of her faults and how they'd never measure up: she was gangly, pale, she had finally begun to develop breasts the year before but she wouldn't have considered them much to brag about, and she lacked confidence. She wasn't even sure where she had found the courage to ask him such a favor. But if anyone would have done it for her without laughing in her face it was John. It didn't hurt that she had always sort of had a thing for him. And while she wasn't expecting a relationship to develop from this kiss, she knew it was something she would never forget. "So...um...could you show me?" she shifted uncomfortably on the edge of the dock._

_John swallowed hard as he considered her request. It wasn't that he didn't want to. In fact he wanted to very much. The problem was she was asking as a favor to help her become a better kisser. He would be the one she would base all her future kisses off of. Kisses that would never be his to lay claim to. With a heavy heart John drew his legs up and folded them beneath him, criss crossed. He took a deep breath to steady himself, "Okay, um...what do you want to know."_

_"I just don't want to be bad at it," she said seriously._

_John responded with a sideways grin as he bit back a chuckle. _

_"What do you like?" she asked._

_"I...uh. Well, I like when a girl makes eye contact with me," he said in a ragged voice. Suddenly he was losing the ability to speak._

_"Like this," Anna replied with a flutter of her eye lids. Her eyes were like staring into an endless blue sea._

_"Yeah," John said as he cleared his throat._

_"Then what?" she responded excitedly._

_Her smile was captivating and he almost didn't hear her question. "I like when a girl touches my hand or my face."_

_Anna's hand immediately flew up to his cheek as she stroked it gently. His gruff stubble scraping gently against her smooth hand. "How's that?"_

_"That's perfect," he said in a dream-like state. John's face turned further into her touch and he wished he could have stayed that way forever. _

_"Now what?" she asked._

_"Well, you just lean forward and purse your lips together. And then…"_

_"Kiss," she filled in._

_"Yeah."_

_Anna removed her hands momentarily as she prepared herself, "Ok let me try. And stop me if I'm doing anything wrong."_

_"Oh...okay."_

_"I mean it, John. I want you to be honest."_

_"I will. I promise."_

_Anna leaned forward and brushed his loose lock of hair out of his eye line She smiled at him lovingly as their eyes met. He mirrored her facial expression. Anna placed a hand on either side of his cheeks and pursed her lips together before kissing John. _

_Her touch was like angels wings. A shock of electricity coursed through his body even as they engaged in the most innocent of kisses. He hummed appreciatively when her fingers drifted to the back of his head and played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. After a few seconds they pulled apart. His breath taken away. _

_"How was that?" she asked._

_"It was…" John's fingers flew up to his lips as if trying to remember and hold onto the sensation for as long as he could, "...it was alright." He was lying to himself. It was the best kiss he'd ever shared with someone. John cast off a small laugh so she would think he was just teasing her. _

_Anna shoved him playfully, "Was it really that bad?"_

_"No. It was fine," he answered back. She looked upset. "More than fine," he tried to encourage her. "No one is perfect on their first try. You'll get better with practice," he assured._

_Anna didn't seem so sure. She would have rather practiced with John, but he had never looked at her as more than a little sister._

_A long period of silence settled between them and John could feel her eyes boring into him. "Well, it's your sixteenth birthday. I say we kick this day off with a tradition of trying new things," John said as he stood up eagerly. It was a weak attempt at changing the subject. _

_Anna smiled up at him, a hand covering her eyes to block out the sun. "We just tried a new thing," she reminded him. _

_"True…" John was trying to think of something else to take her mind off of the kiss that had just taken place. "But that was something new you wanted to do."_

_"And what, pray tell, do you want to try?" she asked with a curious glint in her eye. _

_John rested his hands on his hips as he looked out over the water. "I don't know. Fancy a swim?"_

_"Are you crazy? We'll freeze to death," she pointed out. Just thinking about how cold that water must be, sent shivers up her spines. _

_"Maybe. But we'll never know if we don't try," he retorted._

_"I don't have to try. I know," she responded._

_"Come on, kid. Let's make a memory together," John encouraged. _

_It was so unlike him to be this spontaneous and optimistic. Normally, she was the wild one and he was the reasonable one. At first she thought he was bluffing, but when he began removed his shirt and undoing his belt buckle Anna could tell he was determined to make this happen._

_"Are you coming with or am I going to have to give you a hard time for the rest of your life?"_

_"Rest of my life? Ha! You're assuming you'll live beyond hypothermia," she argued. _

_John simply waggled his eyebrows and stood at the edge of the dock in his underpants. His hands protectively covering his manhood. _

_"Oh alright," she gave in. "But, I want to go on record that this is the worst idea you have ever had." Anna began to remove her top and shimmied out of her jeans._

_"I think it's a great idea," John replied with a mischievous smile._

_"Wait. Wait. Wait," Anna paused as she inched towards the edge of the dock. She held her hand out for him to hold. "We go together, so neither one of us can chicken out."_

_"Deal!" They both were shivering with anticipation, their small pile of clothes already awaiting their return. The sun was sparkling off the water and looked smooth as glass. A strong contrast from what was to come. _

_"I can't believe we're doing this!" she screamed and it echoed off the rock walls._

_"Yeah! We're jumping into the lake!" he called out to no one in particular. John looked down to where their fingers intertwined and then met Anna's eyes. A smile spread across his face. "One…" John began the count off._

_Anna's fingers clasped tightly against his. "Two…" she continued where he left off._

_"Three!" They both shouted together as they jumped off the dock. Their bodies plunged into the water causing every duck and fish for miles to go into hiding. Their hands still held onto one another, but the cold was almost unbearable. It was like a thousand tiny needles pricking at her skin and altogether paralyzing at the same time. It was like their bodies forgot what to do next. Anna came up first, followed by John shortly after. She emerged with a gasp as the cold caused a tightening in her lungs. Fog was visibly coming out of their mouths and noses. _

_"Holy shit!" she managed to gasp between breaths._

_"Fuck that's cold!" John added as he whipped his wet hair back._

_The two of them were laughing at one another's reaction. John let go of her hand for a moment and began looking around._

_"What are you looking for?" she asked with a hint of concern._

_"My balls," he joked. _

_Anna snorted she laughed so hard. _

_"I think they crept up back inside of me," he added._

_"They did not," she replied with a slap of water towards his face._

_"Honest, you were the last woman to see me for the man I truly am...er...was," he said playfully._

_They both began to laugh. The two of them slowly began to move towards one another, John almost couldn't register the cold anymore as his body went numb. _

_"John, this is the best birthday I've ever had. One of the best days really in a while. I don't know how you do it," she said sincerely._

_"It was nothing, kid. Couldn't let this day go by without celebrating it properly," he replied. John ran a hand through his wet hair to smooth it back and froze when he felt her hand brush against his side beneath the water. He quickly pulled away when he noticed how Anna's lips were beginning to turn blue and her teeth were audibly chattering against one another. "Oh god, Anna. I'm sorry," he began to apologize profusely. "Come on. Let's get you out of here to warm you up. I have a blanket and some towels in the truck," John offered. He swam towards the dock as fast as his arms would carry him and hefted himself out of the water to retrieve the towels from the truck._

_A few moments later…_

_"God. Are you alright?" John asked as he rubbed his hands up and down against her Anna's in an attempt to warm her. She was wrapped in a towel still shivering on the dock and John had wrapped the blanket around the outside to keep her body temperature from dropping too much. He hadn't even given her a chance to respond. "That was a stupid idea. I shouldn't have made you do it."_

_Anna's teeth stopped chattering long enough for her to say, "It's ok. You didn't make me do anything I didn't already want to do." John stood before her still dripping wet and in his under pants. His sole concern was her well being. "It was a brilliant idea. I'll never forget it." _

"Hey, kid," John said as he placed a hand on her shoulder and pulled Anna from her memories. "Sorry, I'm late," he added before kissing her cheek.

Anna smiled and hoped she hadn't blushed too much.

"Study group ran a little longer than I thought it would," he added.

"It's fine. I just got here a moment ago," Anna said as she began to go through the menu.

"Why am I not surprised," John said. "Notoriously late, as per usual." He shrugged off his jacket and took a seat across from her.

"I am not," Anna responded with a playful swat.

"All right what was it?" John inquired.

"What was what?"

"You looked like you were a million miles away and you were smiling when I walked in the door. What has you so happy?"

"I was just thinking."

"About?"

"My sixteenth birthday. Do you remember that?"

How could he forget it? It was the first time they had ever kissed. John swallowed hard as he tried to think of a quick response. "Remember? It's a little hard to forget such a memorable moment," John said as he looked over his own menu.

Anna's eyes lit up, perhaps it had meant just as much to him as it did to her.

"Kind of hard to forget freezing your balls off. Still haven't recovered from that one," he chided her. "But I'm glad it brought you such happiness."

Anna looked slightly disappointed but focused on her menu as she tried to keep her emotions in check. "It did. More than you'll know."

They held each other's gaze for a little while longer, but neither knew what to say next.

"How did your exams go the other day?" she asked.

"It wasn't bad. I could have done without the paint down the back of my neck," John quipped.

"Sorry," she replied.

Neither of them spoke any further on the matter of him sleeping over or the words that were exchanged before they had fallen asleep.

"How's the packing going?" John asked. He instantly winced at the sound of his words. Why did he have to bring up the idea of her leaving?

"Not bad. Mum wants to throw a small going away dinner before I leave. You'll have to take a break from being Mr. Bookworm to join us," Anna suggested.

"Wild horses couldn't stop me. Are you still going to be able to attend my cousin's wedding with me before you go?" John wanted to double check. He wouldn't have blamed her if she declined. There was still so much to do before her departure.

"Of course," she said eagerly. "John...I hope there isn't any weirdness between us after the other night."

"Why would there be weirdness? We didn't do anything."

"We didn't?"

"No," he kept his eyes on the menu. "I certainly hope it would be a little more memorable than that."

Anna bit back a smile. She was about to say something more when the waitress interrupted them. "What can I get you two lovebirds?"


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: First off, I have to thank you all for the lovely reception of this story and the amazing reviews. I'm sorry I took so long to update it, but it's been a busy week. Secondly, I have to thank my lovely betas lynnsaundersfanfic, a-lady-to-me, and terriejane. You guys are seriously awesome! This is part one of John's and Anna's time at the wedding. I'm already working on part two and hope to have it posted this weekend. Enjoy and please review!**_

**Chapter 4**

"Thanks for agreeing to come with me," John said with a simple squeeze of her hand. His eyes briefly flickered over to gaze at her as they made their way down the country road with the top of his car down. The weather was perfect this time of year; it wasn't blistering hot and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The leaves were just beginning to change color, and being away from the city made one really appreciate the view and all the countryside had to offer. John had never been up this way before, but Anna was somewhat familiar with it, having grown up on a farm when her father was still alive. When he first told her of the location for the wedding, she was practically beaming at the prospect of returning to her old stomping grounds.

The wind moved through her hair, making her look like an unstoppable force. He smiled at her as he considered how gorgeous she looked like this. And then he turned serious as it dawned on him how much he was going to miss her in just a few short weeks. His heart already ached at the prospect of not being able to hop in his car, knowing she was a few minutes up the road. What was he going to do without her for the next year?

John removed his hand to shift the gears of the car. He focused his attentions on the road, but his hand promptly returned to linger on top of hers. "I hate going to these things alone, especially since my mother died," he said casually.

Anna knew it had taken him a long time to get over her loss. She knew he would always miss her of course, but Anna was glad to see he was able to talk about her now without nearly bursting into tears.

"My aunt has taken on the role of pseudo-mother and matchmaker. Every time I come around now, she feels it is her duty to make sure I'm eating enough and that I am closer to settling down with some nice girl," he informed her.

"And are you?" Anna asked.

"Hmmm," John replied as he pursed his lips together.

"Eating enough," she teased.

"Never enough for her standards," he answered back.

"And which aunt is this?"

"Tess," he replied.

"Awww, I've always loved her. Surprised it wasn't your Aunt Miriam," Anna said as she pulled her feet up and extended her legs to rest her feet on the dash.

"Oh she's just as guilty, but Tess is my godmother, so I suppose it's only natural."

"Wonder if she has some more embarrassing baby Bates photos to share," Anna mused aloud.

"Look you don't have to if you don't want to, but would you be alright with pretending we are together? Or at least somewhat interested in one another?" he inquired.

Anna's attention was fully on John in that moment. "What?"

"I don't know if I can take another blind date or setup at this wedding," he said with his eyes still on the road.

Anna hesitated for a second, not sure if she could take the temptation. If she gave her heart even a glimpse at what her life might be like while dating John Bates, even if it was just for show, she might not be able to let him go.

"I'm sorry. It was a stupid favor to ask," John said as he withdrew his hand. He fixed his large bear paws to the ten o'clock and two o'clock positions, clutching at the wheel tensely as he readjusted himself in his chair.

His hair blew wildly in the breeze and his eyes were covered by his sunglasses, but Anna could still see the subtle crinkle in the corner of his eye. She could tell there was regret there, and Anna found that she simply could not say no to him or allow him to feel any shame about his request. "It's fine. I'll do it," Anna said reluctantly. She managed to fool him with her fake smile. "What could it hurt?" The real question she should have been asking wasn't what, but who.

Deep down he knew Anna wouldn't turn down his proposal, but it had meant so much to him that she had accepted. John turned to give her a slightly longer look and brought her hand to his mouth before kissing the back of it. "You're an angel. I owe you."

She tried not to let the way his lips felt against her skin affect her as much as it did, but she failed miserably. Instead, she attempted to return to their earlier conversation. "That's enough of that," Anna quickly brushed off his words. "Back to studying," she said as she held up his study guide. "Once we are there, you are under strict orders not to read your books in my presence."

John chuckled at the way she tried to remain serious. "Yes ma'am."

"I mean it, John. And no more of this calling me 'kid' business," Anna added.

"I thought you liked me calling you that," John said, sounding a little offended.

"I did when I was six," she said. Almost instantly his face fell; she hadn't meant to hurt his feelings. What could she say or do to make things right again? "If we are going to pretend to be a couple, then you can't call me that."

"And what am I to call you then, hmm? Baby? Sweetheart? Darling?" He continued to rattle some more pet names off playfully.

"Just 'Anna' is fine," she responded a little too quickly. Anna didn't want to become too attached to the idea of him calling her something false. She'd never get that sweet voice out of her head.

"Hmmm, not sure how that will go over," John said in a mocking tone. He tried it out. "Just Anna can you hand me my cell phone so I can check the directions for this place?"

"You really are a child sometimes," she said before handing him the phone.

"You said to call you 'Just Anna'," he teased.

Anna rolled her eyes at him.

"Fine, what about, 'Anna Banana'?"

Her jaw set in a hard line as she eyed him seriously. "John," she said with a warning glare.

"So that's a no then?" John put his hands up in defeat. "Alright, solid no. I was just trying it on for size." They drove quietly for a moment longer. "Anna?"

This time his voice was serious, and it took on a tone she was not familiar with. She had never known such love and care could resonate within the way one said her name, but there it was. And she knew that no matter how many times he said it, she would always answer and come running. "Hmm?"

"I really do owe you, sweetheart."

Anna smiled back at him all too easily. Hearing such words roll off his tongue would be the death of her. She blushed under his gaze and returned to helping him study as they continued their journey.

* * *

They pulled up to the house where the wedding was to be held, and Anna felt immediately out of place. Although, she wouldn't have called it a house; it was nearly as big as her dormitory. The fanciful exterior made it look like a miniature castle with cobblestone walls covered in ivy. Endless rows of grapevines surrounded the property on three sides and stretched far beyond Anna's line of sight. John's aunt Miriam had married well. Her husband, Andrew, had established one of the most successful vineyards in England. When it came to his daughter's pending nuptials, no expense was to be spared. The house itself was modestly decorated, but John had already told Anna he half expected white doves to be released when Beth walked down the aisle. Both of them looked at the house from the road before he turned into the driveway. "Well, if there was ever a time to turn back on our plans, this is it," he said.

"I said I would, and I meant it," she quickly assured him. Anna checked herself in the mirror as she combed out her hair and applied some lipstick. "Now, just so that we are on the same page, exactly when did we become a couple?"

"Uh, six months ago." He threw out a number that seemed to make sense to him. "Anything longer than that and they'll be questioning us about marriage, and that's just as bad as being set up," he deduced.

Anna shook her head in disagreement as she laughed.

"Anything less than that, and it would seem odd that I'd brought you as my date," he continued.

"Would it really, though?" Anna asked as she pinned her hair back.

John couldn't help but admire her beauty; she looked like a modern day Grace Kelly. She was wearing a knee-length summer dress that had proved to be quite the distraction the whole way up here. It hugged her figure nicely and showed off her legs. The peach fabric complimented her coloring nicely and highlighted her blonde hair. She caught him staring in the reflection of the mirror, and he turned his head before clearing his throat. "Only serious couples attend weddings together," John concluded.

"We aren't a serious couple, and you invited me," Anna argued in a light tone.

"Right. But we've known each other forever. I should think that makes us more committed than a serious couple," he said without realizing the weight of his words.

Anna swallowed the lump in her throat. "Right. Well, best not keep them waiting."

John took this as his cue to pull into the driveway. No sooner did he engage the emergency brake, then his family began smothering them and ushering them inside.

* * *

"So…" Tess said in an almost sing-song voice as she nudged John's side.

He cut up the garlic bread and placed it into the serving bowl. "So?" John said back with a hint of sarcasm. He knew what was coming and was surprised she had held off this long.

"How is school?"

The question knocks him off balance, as he had expected her to ask about Anna. "School is going well. I still have another year. I applied for an internship with one of the most prestigious law firms in London, but the competition is fierce, so I'm not getting my hopes up just yet."

"Have a little faith in yourself. It will all pan out the way it's meant to, but I see big things in your future," she said. "Your mother would be so proud of you, John, just as myself and the rest of the family are."

He set the bowl of bread on the table, and his eyes lifted to meet hers. John smiled back at her in thanks. "I just wish she was here to see it all," he added as he paused with his hands resting on his hips.

"She sees it," Tess replied. He began to set the table, and then she started in on him. "Speaking of big things in your future, it's so nice to see Anna again. Any chance there is more than friendship simmering in that pan?"

"We've actually been going out for a while now." The words stung him more than he expected, and not because he was lying to his aunt, but because he was lying to himself.

"Have you?" her eyes lit up, and a smile stretched from ear to ear. She passed John the salad and gave his arm a gentle squeeze, "That's great! She's a lovely girl, and I'm glad you have someone to look after you."

"I suspect she was doing that even before we began dating," John said. He smiled to himself and was about to say something more when the source of his joy entered the room.

"Something smells good," Anna said. She had changed into something more comfortable and her hair was pulled back in a simple ponytail. "Can I help with anything?"

"No. I think we have it all under control. You can go let the rest of the family know that dinner is being served," Tess informed her.

Anna glanced lovingly at John before she walked into the family room to collect the others.

"You be good to her, Johnny. Don't go breaking that girl's heart," she said with a playful lilt.

She sounded and looked so much like his mother. It was all too easy to imagine for a moment that she was there with him, giving him more life advice. "Never," he replied.

* * *

The first day was spent in the company of immediate family. Anna was quickly absorbed into their inner circle as if she'd always been a part of their family, and in some ways she had been. She wasn't as familiar with his cousins as she was with his aunts, but they all got along famously. John hadn't been up to the vineyard in years, so he was eager to see what changes they had made and to take Anna on a private tour. They held hands like lovers would, but it wasn't for show. It was simply a natural reaction that the two of them had taken up, one almost immediately seeking out the other's touch in times of distress or triumph. They matched each other's gate, walking in a lackadaisical fashion. After getting to sample some of the wine, the two of them were rather giddy and experiencing a case of the giggles whenever they would bob into each other as they walked.

They made it back to the house undetected and enjoyed the view from the veranda. John hefted himself up onto the stone railing so that he was facing Anna. She came to take a place beside him on the wall overlooking the property, her hands splayed out on either side as she leaned forward. "It's gorgeous here. So peaceful," she noted.

He watched her out of the corner of his eye and saw that far off look, like she was somewhere else. "What are you thinking?" John moved a hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear

"What it must be like to live here? Just picturing myself living in a place like this." There was something wistful about the way she spoke. "Waking up natural to a view like this, taking my tea on this veranda while still wearing my pajamas…"

"The scandal," John remarked. He pretended to be offended.

"I could have my easel set up out here and work on my art." She let out a sigh and looked over at him. Anna covered her face in embarrassment.

"What?"

"It's silly. Me living off an artist's wages and being in a place like this," she filled in.

"I don't think it's silly. I think you can do anything you set your mind to," he said sincerely. "Who's to say you wouldn't make much as an artist? I think, and I'm not just saying this because I love you, but I think one day you'll have your own exhibit at the Louvre, and people will be paying millions of pounds for your artwork."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely!"

His hand covered hers for a second, and she turned her hand over to weave their fingers together. She was beaming back at him.

"Besides, I'm counting on you to be the successful one. You can help me pay off my student loans when school is all said and done," he joked.

Anna scoffed at his comment, "What are you talking about? You're more likely to make money in your line of work than I am."

"Alright, let's make a deal," John suggested. "Whoever makes it big first has to buy the other a house."

"Like this?" she said, gesturing towards the house.

"Sure. Why not?"

"What would I do with a big house like this all to myself?"

"I'm sure you'll find someone to share it with," he said with confidence.

"There you guys are," Miriam said. "Beth just got back from picking up her dress. Are you two going to play in the cricket match?"

John looked to Anna for approval. She nodded in agreement.

"Sure. We're in."

* * *

It had started off innocently enough. A mixture of family members and friends were set to engage in a friendly game of cricket so everyone could get to know one another the day before the wedding. It hadn't taken long for the game to turn competitive. The free wine, provided courtesy of the bride's parents, prior to and during the game probably hadn't helped matters. It was all in good fun of course, but John sensed there would be some bitterness at the celebratory dinner afterwards. Thankfully, he and Anna were on the same team. Still, there was a lot of pressure to win, and they were three points down. It was the last opportunity to score, and they were the final two hitters on their team. Their only chance at winning was for each of them to score a run and bring in John's cousin, Mark, who was already waiting on the other end of the pitch, or for one of them to hit it out of boundary of the field, guaranteeing them six points.

John was set to take his turn when he noticed Anna preparing to hit after him. If she was trying to pretend she knew the first thing about cricket, she was unsuccessful. He looked at her, slightly amused, before heading towards her to help her with the equipment. She looked anxious to be the last one up. "Anna," John said softly as he jogged over to her.

Her eyes rose, and - not for the first time that day - she fully appreciated how good he looked in a pair of beige khakis and a navy blue, fitted polo shirt. His hair had been styled back earlier in the day, but the heat from the summer sun and the running around had caused it to fall loosely into his eye line. John had to keep pushing his hair back, and whenever he did, Anna could have sworn he knew just how much it thrilled her. She bit down on her bottom lip when he ran his hand through it once more after reaching her. The motion caused his biceps and forearms to flex in a way that should have been illegal, as she was certain there wasn't a pure thought running through her mind.

"Here. Let me help you," he offered.

Her breath hitched as her eyes locked onto his, those soft but determined hazel eyes that were a perfect mixture of green, brown, blue, and gold. Anywhere else, it would have been unnatural to find such a sight, and yet they fit together like puzzle pieces that were tailored just for him. She had always had a weakness for those puppy dog eyes, and they would always remain her true North in times of trouble. It was easy to forget the bad cards life had dealt her whenever she looked at them.

John began to raise the helmet over her head and stopped momentarily to kiss her forehead before placing it on her head. "You'll do great, kid," he whispered.

Anna began to correct him, but he interrupted her. "It's just a game. Win or lose, I'll still love you, my darling." He had said it aloud. It was meant for everyone else to hear, to further establish the ruse they were playing at, but it had been no less special to either of them. The two of them were separately convinced it was the only time they would be able to exchange such sentiments.

John began to walk toward the pitch to take his turn, and Anna certainly couldn't let the opportunity pass. "John!" she called out. He stopped and turned to face her. Anna ran up to him and lightly slapped his butt before telling him 'good luck'. As she headed back to her spot with the rest of the team, John stood there with his mouth agape. Had she really just done that in front of his family?

"Come on, John! You've got this!" Miriam cheered as she clapped her hands together.

The sound brought him back to reality, and John took his ready position on the pitch in front of the wicket.

"Mum!" Beth looked slighted. "You're supposed to be rooting for my team."

"I don't take sides," Miriam added. "We're all family. That includes you too, Anna," she was quick to note.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll cheer you on," Beth's fiance, Liam assured.

John tried to focus on the cricket ball that was about to be hurled towards him by the bowler, but all he could seem to think about was Anna. The cricket ball left Liam's hand and bounced off the ground before coming into that sweet spot. Suddenly, all of John's frustrations at the thought of Anna leaving were channeled into hitting that damn ball. With a 'thwack', the bat launched the ball across the field, and John ran like hell to the other end of the pitch, bringing in Mark for another point. It wasn't out of the boundaries of the field like he had hoped, but it was something. The whole field seemed to come to life as both teams and the onlookers rose to their feet to applaud what was sure to be the final play of the game.

Poor Anna looked like a lamb to the slaughter as she mounted the pitch and choked up a little on the bat.

Anna was probably exaggerating it in her mind; she couldn't help but feel that she would be letting John down if she couldn't hit the cricket ball at least once in this game. And then his voice came through above everyone else's. It burrowed in her brain and sent her heart soaring.

"It's all you, love! You've got this!" John cheered her on.

"Move in gang!" Liam instructed. "She hasn't kissed leather all day."

John had to remind himself this was meant to be a friendly game. If Liam wasn't marrying Beth tomorrow, John would have given him a piece of his mind. Instead, he put his energy into encouraging Anna. "Come on, Anna! You can do it!"

Liam took a running start and showed off as he lobbed the ball towards Anna. Just as it had before, it bounced off the ground, and Anna, with closed eyes, swung the bat as hard as she could.

Rather than run, John craned his head back, following the path of the ball over his head. He watched as one of Liam's groomsmen began making a mad dash towards the treeline that marked the edge of the field. John shielded his eyes from the sun with his hand just in time to watch the ball disappear into the green abyss. "We won!" John screamed as he pumped his fists in the air. He removed his helmet and tossed it aside.

"We won?" she asked in disbelief, not quite realizing how they had won.

The rest of the team began to congratulate her, and John had to push his way past them to get to her. Anna practically jumped into his arms when she caught sight of him. He took off her helmet as her legs wrapped around his waist, and without a hint of hesitation, he kissed her fully. One of his hands propped her up just below her bottom, while the other caressed her cheek as she returned the gesture with equal fervor. John wanted to sink into her and let her body mould to his. He could taste a hint of her strawberry-flavored chapstick, and the scent of her lilac perfume hung heavy in the air. Why did she have to taste so damn good? John couldn't help himself; what had meant to be a gesture for show had taken a wrong turn and was becoming an impulse that exceeded want. He craved her like water in a desert, and he'd die before going thirsty again. Her fingers ran up his back like she couldn't get enough of him, her desires soothed by the sensation of combing her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. It tickled and thrilled him in a way that he couldn't quite put into words. He leaned his head back into her touch and could think of no other way to voice his pleasure than to squeeze her butt and let out a small, animalistic moan.

"Get a room, you two!" Beth hollered from the side of the field with her arms crossed. She was clearly upset about the focus being shifted from herself and her fiance.

"Alright, John!" One of Liam's groomsmen called from the other side of the field.

The cat calls began as they became the center of attention for his family and friends.

John told himself he'd stop as soon as she pulled away, but the tingling sensation that had settled in the pit of his stomach was too hard to ignore. He didn't know how to let go, and the taste of her was unlike anything he'd experienced. Of course there had been that one time at the lake, but this was different. She had gained experience since then. She was having her way with him this time, and he wasn't afraid to give as good as he got. John went to shift her up a little higher, almost forgetting his place, but when he lifted Anna, she unintentionally rubbed up against his pelvic region. The reaction was involuntary, and he panicked; before John knew it, he had lost his balance, and the two of them fell backwards onto the ground.

"Oh gosh! Are you alright?" she asked. Anna began to rise to evaluate him for any injuries.

"I'm fine. Never better," he assured her. His hand caught her arm, stopping her before she could pull away completely. John propped himself up on his elbows and forearms when he brought her back for one more quick kiss. "You were absolutely brilliant, love," he congratulated her. "I've never been prouder of you."

Anna was grinning from ear to ear. "I'm still not sure how we won."

"You get an automatic six points for hitting the cricket ball out of bounds," he explained.

"Man, I'm better than I thought I was," she said.

"Oh please," he scoffed. John pulled her back down to lay on the grass with him, and she rested her head against his chest.

"That was some kiss, John Bates," Anna muttered under her breath.

"It certainly was," he replied in a low voice.

"Do you think they bought it?" she whispered to him.

John's eyes widened in response, and he was instantly grateful she couldn't see the look on his face. He was sure there was no way he could hide the disappointment that had settled there. John cleared his throat. "Without a doubt."

A/N: I checked online and there are a few successful wineries in the UK. The winery I was picturing while writing this chapter is called Camel Valley in Bodmin, it's in the South and borders the River Camel.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: You've all been so wonderful and patient with allowing me to slowly torture you and our lovely couple. I had hoped to update sooner, but better late than never. I have to thank my lovely betas lynnsaundersfanfic, a-lady-to-me, and terriejane. Here is part 2 of the wedding. The song at the end is called "I Will" by Matchbox 20 and I've been looking for an excuse to use this song for Anna and Bates forever. Hope you all enjoy!**_

**Chapter 5**

"Anna," John whispered into the dark as he gently shook her, attempting to rouse her from sleep.

She snored softly, continuing to sleep undisturbed.

He could already imagine how angry she would be at him for disturbing her precious slumber, but John couldn't resist waking her any longer. The idea had come to him in the middle of the night, and John knew this was something he had to share with her before she left, even if it was for his own selfish reasons. With their time together dwindling as her departure was imminent, John wanted to spend every waking moment with her. He wouldn't fool himself into thinking she would come back to him; not when there were so many opportunities awaiting her.

John bit down on his bottom lip as he savored the words he had grown accustomed to saying. The two of them had started calling each other pet names for the sake of his aunts, and while he loved them all, 'darling' had become a personal favorite. He let one of his fingertips trace her cheek. "Wake up, my darling," he said in a smoky voice. Though he couldn't be sure, John could have sworn he saw her smile as she slowly woke.

"John?" she asked with look of confusion. Her tiny fists rubbed at her eyes. Anna hadn't the faintest idea of the time, but she could tell it was still dark outside. She nearly shot up out of bed, wondering what the reason was for waking her at such an hour. "Is everything alright?"

"Shhhh." He raised a finger to his lips to quiet her. "Everything is fine, but I need you to come with me."

Something about his voice held an air of mystery, but she wasn't the least bit alarmed by his request. "Where are we going?"

"Trust me," he answered simply.

"This better be worth it," Anna groaned.

There was a glint in his eyes as he smiled back at her. "Oh, don't worry, it is."

* * *

He slid open the barn doors as quietly as possible and headed for the horse stalls, using a lantern to light the way. She followed behind him, ever faithful. Anna was dressed warmly and still looked half asleep as she shuffled her feet in his wake. "John, it is the middle of the night. What on earth is going on with you?"

"You'll see," he replied.

Anna looked skeptical, but she didn't question him further. At the moment, she was more focused on trying to keep her teeth from chattering. She noticed how her breath caused a puff of fog to release into the early morning air.

John grabbed a saddle and a set of reins from one of the walls of the barn. He held the bundle under his arms as he undid the latch to the door of the stall. "Easy, Isis." John soothed the Clydesdale with a pat of his hand. Anna watched on with utter fascination, as John worked his magic on the rather large animal that trumped him in size. Within a few minutes, John had the saddle mounted properly and gestured for Anna to come closer. Obediently, she closed the distance between them, and he lifted her up with ease onto the horse. He led the stallion out into the corral and closed the barn door, being sure everything was in place before climbing up onto the horse to settle behind Anna.

"Now what?" she asked curiously.

"Now...we make a memory," he responded gruffly into her ear.

His words took her back to their time at the lake all those years ago, and it sent butterflies fluttering about in pit of her stomach. She was glad her emotions were masked by the veil of night that shrouded them in darkness, because Anna was sure her cheeks were flushed red. His manly musk was lulling her into a state of bliss, and the way his weight pressed into her back was absolutely delicious. As the horse began to pick up speed towards their intended destination, Anna felt his hold tighten around her waist. It was still so early, and the sky was just beginning to change from black to dark blue as the sun prepared to break over the horizon. But, the way his body rocked against hers as the horse trotted left little room for complaint in her mind. Anna had become so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't realized they had come to a stop at a clearing on the highest peak overlooking the vineyard.

John hopped off of Isis first, and then helped Anna dismount. He rolled out the blanket he had packed and began revealing the items that he'd placed in the saddle bag without her knowledge.

"What's all this?" she asked.

"I told you, I owed you. Consider this my way of saying 'thanks' for coming here with me," he said with a smile. John took a seat first, then he extended his hand to receive her.

"You woke me early to return the favor?" she inquired with a raised eyebrow. "You sure do have a funny way of saying 'thanks', John."

His hand was still waiting for her. "I have tea and breakfast sandwiches prepared."

Anna still stood staring at him as she considered his invitation with pursed lips. "Go on," she said.

"There's bacon. You love bacon." His voice took on a placating lilt.

She slowly made her way over towards him; pretending to be cross when she was anything but.

"That's my girl," he encouraged as she held his hand; taking a seat in front of him, nestling between his legs. John handed her the thermos and a breakfast sandwich wrapped in wax paper. He steadied himself with his arms propped up behind him. Even with a blanket wrapped around her, she shivered in response to the cold. John wrapped her in his jacket, settling her back against his chest, their eyes fixed to the eastern sky.

It was eerie and altogether calming how quiet it became in the few hours between twilight and dawn. The crickets had stopped chirping, sensing the pending sunrise, and even from the hilltop they could still hear the river rushing in the valley beneath them.

"We got here just in time," he said softly. His finger pointed to the horizon as dawn broke behind the hills, bringing the valley to life as color spilled across the plains and caused the shadows to disperse. Within minutes, the world came to life as the birds began to wake and sing their salutations to the morning sun. It was like their own little slice of heaven on earth, and they were the only two people there to enjoy it.

"Oh, John," Anna cooed. Her eyes swept over the magnificent landscape, and the sun illuminated her features for his enjoyment.

John snuggled closer to her and shuddered when she burrowed further into the warmth of his touch.

"It's gorgeous," she said.

"It's the best view I know of," he said with a content sigh.

He was leaning so close to her that it was easy for Anna to get lost in the idea of kissing him. She was all too familiar with the feel and taste of his lips. Those soft, plump lips, and the way they were framed by his five o'clock shadow, that he had yet to shave. It gave him a rugged appeal that was unmatched by any other man she had encountered. Although she often teased him about the way it scratched at her skin whenever he greeted her, Anna knew there was no one else she'd rather have mark her skin than John Bates. Her mind drifted to the way other aspects of his body might feel against her and she thanked God he couldn't see her blush in the early morning light, but the thought left as quickly as it came when John corrected himself.

"Well...second to you that is."

She elbowed him with little force, and he began to laugh in response.

"Am I forgiven then?"

"You are absolved of your crimes, counselor," she said with a giggle.

They spent the next hour enjoying the sunrise and sharing the morning meal John had prepared for them both. Anna had never thought it possible to love a man as fully as she did John; with the simplest of gestures he could turn her whole world upside down in the most delightful way.

* * *

"Anna, are you nearly ready?" John asked. He could hear the blow dryer, and waited for a response before knocking on the bathroom door once more.

They had been provided a cottage to stay in at the back of the house. Most of the bride and groom's immediate family were staying in the other guest rooms up at the main house. John didn't mind, as it meant they were afforded a little more privacy, and his aunts would be less likely to inquire why John was sleeping on the sofa bed while Anna took up the bedroom. It had been his suggestion, even though Anna had insisted they share the bedroom. The problem was he was more conflicted than ever about being in such close proximity of her. It wasn't as if he couldn't control himself, but having her lying next to him like that would have been too much. His resolve would have given way, and John knew that he wouldn't be able to let her go on that trip.

John was about to knock on the door once more, but she beat him to it, and the door opened before his very eyes.

"Sorry," she apologized. Anna adjusted the strap of her dress and tossed her hair over her shoulder with a flick of her wrist. She felt a bit like Cinderella as she prepared herself for the evening, knowing her time like this with John was limited. It wasn't as if she had never appreciated her time with John. On the contrary, no one had ever made her happier, but now Anna had to wonder if she'd ever feel the same joy that she had felt in these past three days.

John stood staring at her, utterly speechless. She looked incredible. Not that she didn't always look great, but there was something different about the way he regarded her now. She hadn't gone out of her way to do her hair and makeup for some wedding. No. This time she had done it for him. Every detail, from the lilac nail polish on her toes to the diamond studded earrings that belonged to his mother. He had given them to Anna after his mother passed. It was all for his viewing pleasure. "Wow!" was all he managed to say. It was a rather strangled voice, and John suddenly found himself tugging at his tie for air.

Anna blushed under his heated gaze.

"You know, it's not fair to the bride, showing up looking as lovely as you do," John said. He reached out for her hand and kissed the back of it.

His lips were impossibly gentle as they pressed into her skin. Warm breath brought her blood to a boil and sent the hairs on the back of her neck standing at attention. The tips of his fingers were rough but tender as they cradled her palms. How could it be that someone with such large features could handle her with such care? She supposed he had always been her gentle giant, taming his fury solely for her.

"Thank you," she replied. Her blue-grey eyes stared back at him from beneath her long lashes. He nearly occupied the entire length of the doorway as he leaned against the frame. Her breath hitched in her throat when she was able to take in his handsome appearance. The tan suit fit him nicely; it contrasted well against his dark hair and complimented his Irish complexion, enhancing the color of his hazel eyes. But as good as he looked in the suit, all Anna could think about was what lay beneath: broad shoulders, a hairy chest, and muscular legs. She swallowed hard and turned so that her back was facing him. "Could you zip me up the rest of the way?" she requested. Anna moved her hair out of the way and shifted her weight from one foot to the other in silent anticipation.

"Oh...of course," he answered back eagerly. John took his time, his eyes drinking in the sight of her: her slender waist, the slope of her back, and her supple calves. It was all too much. She was a masterpiece, Far more captivating than any painting he had ever seen. He had to remind himself he still had a task to perform.

She could feel his fingers moving about, fidgeting nervously. Anna chewed on her bottom lip anxiously. It was all she could do to keep from moaning when his free hand rested upon her waist to stay her. His knuckle grazed her bare skin as it traveled upward, sending electric currents running the length of her spine.

"There. All done," he said. John twirled her around and gave her a once over.

* * *

The wedding went off without a hitch. Although he wasn't in the wedding party, John found himself feeling anxious as the reverend recounted the way Beth and Liam had come to know one another. Their story was not too dissimilar from he and Anna's; there was an unspoken pressure suddenly placed upon himself now. He couldn't help but imagine what life would be like if he and Anna were standing up on that altar. And then it dawned on him how much it would hurt if he were ever left sitting in this position, watching her marry someone else. Could he really just throw her life into complete disarray by revealing his feelings for her? Even if she wanted him back, would he be able to keep her happy? There was no guarantee that their union would make them better. Maybe he was holding her back. After all, Anna had always been a social butterfly that loved to party and live life to its fullest. What could she possibly want from someone who preferred to stay home and enjoy a good law dissertation or volume of poetry? The more he mulled it over, the more he began to doubt himself. With each passing minute, he despised himself more and more for asking her to pretend to be his girlfriend. He had unintentionally given them both false hope.

The minister's words were like white noise as John lost himself in thought. It wasn't as if they couldn't be great together. Their history and the last few days were proof of that. But, he wouldn't stand in her way and ruin the plans she had made, not when she was destined for such great things. Maybe in time he would be one of those great things, but today was not that day. He let a small groan of disappointment escape him. As if reading his mind, she let her hand come to rest on his knee. Their eyes met, and his pensive stare was mirrored back to him in Anna's gaze.

It was just as dinner was winding down, after the bride and groom shared their first dance, when John caught Anna staring at him. Maybe it was years of friendship that had allowed them to hone their skills to sense when the other was nearby. Their eyes met across the table, and John let his hand seek hers out. The corner of his lips quirked as he winked at her.

"Alright. Which of you is going to spill the beans on how you met first?" It was one of the bridesmaids, a distant cousin of John's, named Laurie.

"You want to tell them, love? Or shall I?" John asked Anna.

Anna simply gestured with her hand for John to take the lead. This was his little performance he was putting on, and she was merely following along.

"Well, in all honestly we've known each other since she was six years old, and I was about eight years old," John said with a grin.

"Oh my gosh," Laurie said with her hand clutching her chest. "That is so cute. So you've been childhood sweethearts."

"God, no!" John said with a laugh. "I was friends with her brother, William. Anna was more like a third wheel, always wanting to tag along."

Anna playfully hit his shoulder, and John cringed in response.

"Before I knew it, she was coming around to hang out with me more than William was," John continued.

"And then you fell in love with her?" Laurie asked as she squeezed her beau's arm.

"Then...well then we were like brother and sister for a long time," he said with love written in his eyes. "I had never looked upon her more than this gangly little thing I always had to protect," John answered back sincerely. "I probably should have seen it coming and prepared myself so I wouldn't fall as hard as I did, but it couldn't be helped. She has stolen my heart." When John looked over at Anna she bit her bottom lip bashfully and averted her eyes.

"So what changed?" John's aunt Tess asked.

"Yes. What changed?" Anna asked curiously.

"Well…" John rubbed the back of his neck nervously, and let the same hand smooth his hair back into place. "It's hard to say exactly, but I think it was just after my mother passed. Anna was there for me in a way that exceeded that of a friend. She checked in on me and brought me food, always calling, and letting me cry on her shoulder. Sometimes we said more in those moments of silence just sitting on my couch watching television than we had in all the years we'd known each other. She could have gone out with her friends or spent her time with someone less brooding, but she didn't."

"I was right where I was supposed to be," Anna said as emotions threatened to stub out her voice.

"And then I attended her graduation, and I saw her in her cap and gown, and she wasn't this little girl anymore with braces and skinned knees. Almost instantly she transformed before my very eyes, and I just knew... she was the one I was destined to be with," he said with a smile. For the first time since he'd started talking, John's eyes looked to someone other than Anna, and he could see all the women around the table had tears in their eyes.

"That... has got to be the most adorable story... I've ever heard," Laurie said as she dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief.

"It really was lovely, John," Anna whispered under her breath.

"Sounds like we might be attending your wedding next, John," Tess commented.

Anna could actually feel her heart constricting as the words fell from Tess's lips. She managed to flash a wide grin at his family, whom she had come to know even better in the past few days, and began to rise from her chair. "Would you excuse me for a second?" Anna asked, but she didn't give anyone a chance to refuse her.

John fought off the urge to chase after her as quickly as he would have liked. She didn't have to say a word; he knew he had pushed her too far. Anna had handled it more gracefully than he had expected, and he would be forever grateful for it. The problem was, he couldn't tell if she was upset about his confession because she was in disbelief, or if it was because she felt the same and hated him for waiting so long to say so. Perhaps it was that she hadn't known it was a confession at all, and the perceived lie had finally broken her. It was much like that scar above her eye; the one she had gotten from her car accident. If one pointed it out enough or drew attention to it more than necessary, one simply could not ignore it anymore, no matter how small it was. The owner was eventually forced to accept it for what it was and love it, or pretend it wasn't there, secretly despising its existence. Is that what was to become of them? If she couldn't love him back, would she pretend he never was; because it would be easier to hate him than to be heartbroken over something that couldn't be?

He waited an appropriate amount of time before excusing himself so the others wouldn't worry about her. She wouldn't want the added fuss. John paced the small hallway as he waited for her to return.

She made a beeline for powder room and attempted to regain her composure. It was just as she feared. She had gotten in too deep. The bond they shared had increased exponentially, and now there was no going back. Worse than that, she had fallen in love with his family, and every minute spent with them stabbed at her chest, knowing they were being lied to. Anna took a deep breath and checked herself in the mirror before exiting to find John, but she needn't look far. He was waiting for her.

"Hey, kid," John greeted her warmly. "How you holdin up?"

"I would think you knew me well enough by now to save me from having to answer that," she replied.

"I know," he said regretfully. "Listen, we don't have to stay long. I just thought maybe we could share one last dance for old times' sake," John offered sheepishly. His hands were buried in the pockets of his suit pants as he leaned against the wall of the corridor.

With her arms folded across her waist she reminded him, "You hate to dance."

He couldn't help but smile back at his sweet Anna, always keeping her guard up. "True."

Anna wiped the tears in the corners of her eyes.

"But, this ol' fuddy duddy had a great dance coach," John replied.

Anna managed a hint of a smirk. She instantly remembered all the hours they had spent practicing in his living room in preparation for a winter formal he was to attend.

He closed the distance between them as he reached for her hand. She accepted the gesture with silent appreciation, and John wiped the last of her tears with the pad of his thumb. He leaned in to kiss her cheek and whispered in her ear, "There's no one else I'd rather dance with."

"Silly beggar," Anna chided him as she smoothed the lapels of his suit and straightened his tie.

"Now, promise me you won't cry anymore, or I'll never hear the end of it from my aunts," John insisted.

"I promise," Anna said.

* * *

John led the way back to the dance floor, outdoors under the large willow trees that surrounded the property. Each tree was decorated liberally with Christmas lights and every table was adorned with purple orchids, making the venue look like something out of a fairy tale. Even John had to admit there was something enchanting about it, and of course having Anna on his arm hadn't hurt either. By the time they reached the wooden floor, the song had changed from something more up-tempo to something slower.

Anna began to pull away and retreat back to the table, "We can wait for something faster."

"And what would my family think if we didn't dance to a slow song?" he pointed out in a low voice.

Other couples began to join them on the floor, falling in step with the music. John simply stared at her as he patted his chest with his free hand. He gestured with a subtle nod for her to join him, and it took no further convincing for Anna to slide into his open arms. John held her close, hugging her in his embrace. Together they began to sway in small circles. "Are you having fun, darling?" he asked.

John couldn't see her face, as she rested her head against his shoulder. Anna merely nodded in agreement. She wanted to savor every moment of his touch, the smell that lingered on his suit, the way his voice was smooth like silk as he addressed her. Anna listened to the lyrics of the song and had to fight off the urge to start crying.

_**"Tonight**_

_**Looking back on all this life**_

_**It's funny how the time goes by**_

_**And how, sometimes**_

_**It slides away"**_

Anna simply held him tighter and let her fingers caress the back of his neck. His heart was pounding in her ear as she burrowed further into his chest.

John leaned into her touch as his chin rested against the top of her head. He closed his eyes, just as lost in the moment as she was, both of them painfully aware that this facade wouldn't last beyond tomorrow morning. Recognizing the song, he began to sing in a low voice that reverberated in her ear.

_**"If you go**_

_**Take a little piece of me**_

_**Hang it by the place you sleep**_

_**And dream of me**_

_**Don't leave"**_

John didn't think it was possible, but he was already missing her. His rough fingers traveled up from her lower back to the base of her golden tresses and gently tugged at them, much as he had when they were younger.

**_"And falling apart_**

**_It's the only way_**

**_We go so low_**

**_When you don't know_**

**_I will"_**

"Don't forget. You promised you wouldn't cry," he mumbled against her hair.

Anna looked up into his boyish eyes, "I'm just going to miss you terribly is all."

John almost hadn't heard her, she could barely get the words out. He was going to have to be the strong one to make sure she followed through with her plans. "I will too… but it's only a year. It will fly by, and everything will be just as it was before. You'll see."

Anna returned to resting her head on his shoulder, her eyes staring out at the crowd of onlookers. She gulped hard. That's what she was afraid of.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N Sorry to have kept you all waiting in suspense for so long. I had to break this chapter into two parts. It should be enough to explain Anna's feelings in the beginning. There will be more scenes to fill in the gaps in part II. I should be able to update it sometime later this week, but I wanted to give you this for now. Also a special shout out to chisoxtam14, a-lady-to-me, and lynnsaundersfanfic for helping me brainstorm and edit this. Hope you all enjoy!**_

_**Chapter 6**_

_**Part I**_

Anna poured herself another drink, her third in the past hour.

"I know it's your going away party, but don't you think you should take it easy?" Gwen asked.

It was far more than she should have had in a single night, let alone an hour.

"It's my party and I'll drink if I want to," Anna said before knocking back the shot. She enjoyed the way it wiped away the taste of John. Though their kiss at the cricket match had been somewhat staged, it was far from innocent. It was a moment forever etched in the back of her mind. The alcohol felt good on the way down as it burned at the back of her throat; it settled in her belly and replaced the bitterness that had made itself at home in the pit of her stomach. She was angry at him for not coming, furious even. Yet, she was more upset with herself for the way she treated him and pushed him away, for the words she said in haste. She'd take them back in an instant if she could. Instead, she was wallowing, staring at the door as her family and friends celebrated her departure. Maybe if she stared at it long enough, she could will him here. She'd apologize profusely, and try to find a way to make things right. But, was that even possible now?

Things had changed since the wedding. Just thinking about it now made her sick to her stomach. Or maybe that was the alcohol rearing its ugly head. Anna chanced a glance at the door once more. Still no sign of John and no text message from him when she checked her phone.

"I need some air," Anna muttered as she set the shot glass down and headed for the balcony.

"You want me to go with you?" Gwen offered.

"I'll be fine. I just need a moment to myself," Anna insisted.

"I'll let you know if he shows up," her friend offered back with a sympathetic smile.

"Thanks." Anna gave her friend's hand a gentle squeeze.

"Where's Anna off to?" Robert asked as he grabbed a handful of pretzels from the snack bowl.

"I think she's a bit heartbroken that John couldn't make it," Cora guessed.

"Well, that will do it," Robert said as he popped a pretzel in his mouth.

"Where is John tonight anyway?" Gwen asked.

"He got the internship he applied for. He had mandatory orientation tonight, followed by an initiation dinner," Robert explained.

"That's great for him, but I can see how Anna would be upset about his not attending," Gwen answered back.

"Love is a fickle thing. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it," Cora said.

"Did it really sneak up on them, though?" Robert asked with a chuckle.

* * *

_They had returned to the room after sharing their dance on the floor. The wedding was lovely, but Anna couldn't take it anymore. "Can we go back to the room?"_

_"Sure," John answered sweetly._

_"I don't mean to cut the evening short. You don't have to come if you don't want to. I'm just feeling a little tired, and we have to leave early tomorrow so I can start packing up my flat," Anna reminded him._

_The trip had been going so well, he had almost forgotten she would be leaving soon. Time stood still for no one and his time with her was dwindling. Sometimes he'd find himself sitting up at night just counting down how many days he had left with her. But what would happen when there were no more days or hours even? What would happen when they were left with mere minutes and seconds? John ran a hand through his hair nervously while staring back at the rest of the wedding guests sitting at their table. No one seemed to notice they hadn't returned. It was probably for the best for them to just leave; if he tried to tell his family they were leaving, they would only urge him to stay. "No, it's fine. I can't let you go back on your own. You're my date," he said with a weak smile. Ever the perfect gentleman, he removed his jacket and put it on her to keep her warm on the short walk through the chilly night air. "It's my duty to escort you back to your door." John offered his arm for her to take, and she did so gladly._

_Anna's nerves were on edge as they travelled back to the cottage, though she couldn't fathom why. She trusted John implicitly. It was probably the thought's that had been running through her mind all day finally coming to a head. She was reconsidering the internship in France. She wasn't sure how she could stand going somewhere where she didn't know anyone and barely spoke the language. The thought of leaving John behind was nagging at her; who would take care of him? Made sure he had fun once in awhile? He was always so damn serious and hard on himself. _

_He smiled down at her in that moment, as if he had read her mind._

_Oh god. She was finding it hard to breath now. _

_"Are you alright?" John asked. _

_"I'm fine. Just tired is all."_

_"We should get you straight to bed then little lady," he teased._

_John unlocked the door and held it open for her, helped her out of his coat and hung it up. "Would you like me to make you some tea?" _

_"No. I'm just going to get out of this dress and remove my make up," she replied. _

_"I'll make some for myself then, just let me know if you change your mind," he offered once more. John loosened his tie and placed it on the back of a chair in the tiny kitchen. He began removing his dress shirt, leaving him in his undershirt. _

* * *

_Anna was about to take her make up off when she paused and caught sight of herself in the mirror's reflection. She stopped and took a look at herself in the mirror and undid the zipper on the back of her dress. Anna bit down on her lower lip nervously as she thought to herself "It's now or never." She removed her shoes and let her hair down, before lightly tussling it. "John?" Anna called out in a soft voice. There was nothing urgent or demanding about it, but he came all the same without hesitation. _

_He came through the door slowly and poked his head around the corner._

_"Can you help me with this?" she asked._

_"I'd be happy to," he answered back with his hands in his pockets. _

_As he began to cross the room she asked, "Did you mean what you said at the dinner table? About falling in love with me?"_

_John stopped for a moment, his eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlights._

_He had never lied to her. He never could. He merely avoided the subject and denied it; John had been tight lipped about his feelings for her. "I did."_

_Her heart swelled and melted with those two simple words. Had he really been longing for her as long as she had for him? She let out a breath; one she hadn't realized she'd been holding in. "Well that certainly changes things."_

_John wasn't sure what to make of her response. He continued to make his way towards her, except when she turned for him to undo the zipper he stopped and said, "I...I don't understand...it's already undone."_

_"I know," she replied breathlessly as she tried to find her voice. _

_"But…" his mind was a hurricane of questions. And yet not a single one managed to make it's presence on the tip of his tongue. _

_She turned to face him, her determination faltering with each passing second. "I thought we could alter the sleeping arrangements tonight." Her voice wavered, but there was conviction hidden beneath her subtle glances. _

_This was everything he had always wanted, she was offering herself to him, or at least he thought she was. "Anna...we...is this what you want?"_

_"Don't you?"_

_"You didn't answer my question," he pointed out._

_"And you didn't answer mine?" she shot back._

_The two of them broke into smiles, followed by soft chuckles in the dimly lit room. _

_"You'll be leaving soon," he reminded her softly. "It would be taking advantage."_

_"Not if it's what I want," she quickly cut him off._

_He froze at the sound of her words. His eyes reading every feature of her face for some indication that she was unsure of herself. "Anna, if you are doing this because of our little rouse, I…"_

_She silenced him with her kiss. A seal of approval of all that was to come. She didn't want to think about leaving. Anna wanted him and only him. _

_It didn't take long for him to move past his confusion and reciprocate her actions. His hands were eager, but they were cautious and attentive. He moved slowly, his mind failing to comprehend what was truly taking place before his very eyes. _

_She helped him out of his undershirt and found it impossibly difficult not to stare at him. Every once in awhile she would let out a content sigh as his fingers danced along the edge of her dress. And he was just as mesmerized by the feel of her soft, silk-like hands grazing his chest and combing through his hair. His pleasure was all too evident now and he took a step back so as not to offend her. Even in the dim light she saw him flush with embarrassment. "Sorry," he mumbled._

_"Whatever for?"_

_"I don't want you thinking I can't control myself around you." His voice was soft and all too enticing. _

_The more he spoke the more she found herself falling in love with him. This could be dangerous. So many years of pent up feelings could result in their demise if they let them all out at once. "I think we've been controlling ourselves for far too long." Anna let the dress slide down from her frame and stood before him in her bra and underwear. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen her this way before, but there was a shift in the mood between them now. _

_"Maybe we should...erm... start slow," John said as he steadied his breath. _

_"Slow is good," Anna agreed softly._

_The two of them leaned forward to kiss but their heads nearly collided and they broke into nervous giggles. "Sorry," they both apologized to one another._

_"It's alright," John assured. "Maybe I should take the lead now."_

_Anna's mouth blossomed into a smile as her eyes scanned over his frame. The anticipation building in the pit of her stomach was becoming too much. _

_John's hand stopped to straighten her bra strap and skimmed the soft patch of skin next to her collarbone. He leaned forward to place a kiss there. His lips pressed upon her gently, slightly wet and his tongue a perfect contradiction in roughness. His took his time moving up the slope of her neck, her hands encouraging him to move faster as she ran them up and down his sides. He pulled away for a second to smile down at her benevolently and awaited confirmation to move forward. While there had been kisses shared between them over the years, this would be the first time it would mean something more to them. All John could think of was that Anna deserved the best, and was internally cursing himself not to screw this up for her sake. He cupped her cheek with the palm of his hand and moved forward to kiss her, but was suddenly stopped by a persistent knock at the cottage door._

_The two of them pulled their heads back as if they had just been caught in the middle of some scandalous affair. _

_"John" a female voice called from the other side of the door._

_"Shit," John whispered under his breath. "I'll be right back.". He kissed her cheek quickly and provided a lopsided smile as he handed Anna her robe._

_"Okay," Anna replied sounding a little bewildered._

_John pulled his undershirt back over his head as he walked back out into the sitting room. Anna followed behind but stopped at the doorway to the bedroom. He slowly opened the door and found one of the bridesmaids drunkenly slumped over, leaning against the door. It was Emily. She had been making eyes at him all through the wedding reception, but he had paid her no mind. John turned back to face Anna and whispered, "It's Emily." _

_"Oh, is she alright?" Anna inquired, even though she felt a flash of jealousy that she hadn't expected. it had not gone unnoticed by her the way Emily had attempted to throw herself at John the few times she had been engaged in conversation with one of the other wedding guests. _

_"She's fine, just drunk. I should take her back to her room," John offered._

_"Of course. Do you need any help?" Anna asked as she pulled her robe tighter around her._

_"No, I've got it," John insisted. He slipped his shoes back on and bent down to lift Emily to her feet. "Alright, Em. Let's get you back to your room."_

_"You're so sweet, John," Emily responded with slurred words. _

_"Think nothing of it," he replied._

_"I'll just wait here," Anna called back to him as he shut the door._

* * *

_"Alright, let's hope this one is the correct room," John said somewhat exasperatedly as he attempted to open the bedroom door. He was losing patience with Emily, though he couldn't really blame her for giving him the wrong directions given her drunken state. The door knob opened with ease and it didn't appear that anyone else was rooming in here. He turned on the lights and with Emily half draped over his shoulder he asked, "Look familiar?"_

_"Yes! That's my blue suitcase!" she answered back a little too enthusiastically._

_"Great," John replied sarcastically, though he was relieved they didn't have to ruin anyone else's evening in an attempt to find her bedroom. He helped the petite brunette over to her bed and set her down gently. "You got it from here?" he asked._

_Emily fell onto the pillows and sunk into their soft embrace. "Uh, my head," she moaned._

_"Yes, I suspect that will be more of a problem come tomorrow morning unless we get some water in you," John noted. "Hold on, let's get you your pjs." He rummaged through her suitcase and found what appeared to be a pajama top and bottoms. John set them down beside her. "Here you change into this, and I'll see if I can find you some aspirin and water." _

* * *

_Anna replayed the events of the evening in her mind, particularly the most recent one. Had she really said those things? Had they almost had sex? It wasn't that she didn't want to. It's just after years of convincing herself it would never happen with John it was a foreign concept she couldn't quite wrap her head around. Sex had a way of changing things...or so she'd heard. It wasn't as if she had been saving herself for John, but she had been saving herself for the right man. And while she was sure it was John, she worried about the way their relationship would be altered if they did take that next step. There would be no going back and that scared her more than anything.. But he had wanted it, and so did she. There was no denying that. _

_How could she have been so sure of her actions only mere minutes before and now, and now she was questioning everything? She let the silence in the room consume her as she thought about it a little longer. _

_Was it for the right reasons though? Had she only acted impulsively out of jealousy when she saw Emily trying to gain John's affections? Would he be more easily swayed by Emily or someone like her while she was in France? Or maybe it was her way her way of holding on to John a little bit longer. It had become quite clear to her over the last few days that she was going to have a terrible time dealing with him being over 800km away from her. Either way, the results were going to be her demise. Time and distance away from John weren't going to help the matter. She was in too deep now, even if they didn't sleep together._

* * *

_When he came back a few moments later, John was glad to see she made it into her pajamas. Her dress discarded on the floor. He stooped down to pick it up and hung it over the recliner in the room. John gently shook Emily to wake her, "Em. Drink this and take this." His hand held two aspirin tablets in them and the other had a glass of water ready for her consumption._

_As Emily took her time sipping at the water, John found himself lost in thoughts of Anna. He really should be getting back to her. He looked over at the clock on the bedside table and thought he must have been gone for at least a half hour now. He rubbed at his face tiredly and continued to stare eagerly at the water level in the glass, much like sand in an hour glass. Every once in a while an imagine of Anna standing before him, nearly naked, would pass through his mind and he'd find himself smiling._

_"It's her isn't it?" Emily asked after taking another swig of water from the glass._

_"Beg your pardon?" John asked._

_"You'll only ever want her. My attempts to lure you away were all for nothing," she said._

_"Yes. She's all I've ever wanted."_

_"Well she's a lucky girl," Emily concluded as she began drifting off._

_"I don't know about that. I'm not much of a prize," John answered back. "But I like who I am when I'm with her."_

_"Don't let me hold you up then. Go get her," Emily encouraged._

* * *

_It was a little over a half hour later when Anna heard the sound of the door open. She could distinguish the sounds of John shuffling around in the kitchen, but he didn't come into the room right away. Perhaps he was having the same doubts she was. Not long after he left and the excitement fizzled out, it occurred to Anna that maybe this was the universe's way of telling them this wasn't meant to happen. Some things were best left unaltered. _

_Anna finally came out to find John nursing a bottle of water. Brooding of course. She rolled her eyes at the sight of him. "I've been thinking…" her words snapped him out of his thoughts._

_His eyes shot up to look at her and he smiled at the image of her in her robe. "Yeah? What about?"_

_"Maybe, we made a mistake," she said. His face was discernible. She couldn't tell if he was happy or not by her statement. "I made a mistake. I led you on. You were right, I'll be leaving soon and it's not fair to either of us."_

_"Oh." He nodded his head slowly in agreement, though his mind completely disagreed with her. He didn't feel it was a mistake. _

_"We're both going to be so busy in the next year with my internship and your schooling. We'll hardly have time to visit one another," she tried to rationalize and kept herself from crumbling under the weight of her own emotions. "If this is something we still both want in a year, then we can see about pursuing it. What do you say?"_

_It wasn't like her to doubt and him be so sure of something. He responded reluctantly, but on some level he had to agree she had a point. He wouldn't let one of their last memories together be of him getting upset or being disappointed._

_"Sure," he answered back casually with a half smile._


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N I have to thank you all for the wonderful reviews. I know you all are probably getting frustrated that our favorite pairing hasn't gotten together yet, but I'm trying to give a modern twist to the way the story line went in series 2 before and after Anna and John were separated. Don't worry it will all end well I promise you that. Thanks to my lovely betas: chisoxtam14, a-lady-to-me, and lynnsaundersfanfic. Hope you all enjoy!**_

**_Chapter 7_**

**_Part II_**

_John ended up sleeping on the couch, though Anna would venture a guess that neither of them got much sleep. Anna tossed and turned, and when she woke up the next morning to start a pot of tea, she saw that John was gone. The blanket and pillow were still folded up on the couch from the day before, completely untouched. She went back into the bedroom and tried to start packing up, but instead she whipped out her cellphone and texted him, trying to remain casual, as if the night before had never happened. _

**_"Hey where did you go?" _**

_Anna bit her lip nervously. He didn't respond. _

_Maybe he was truly busy with something. Or maybe he went to see Emily after she had turned him down. She immediately pushed that thought from her head. John wouldn't do that. Would he? Anna paced back and forth in the bedroom and tried to tidy up as she waited for the tea to finish. The bed was made, the bathroom sink was wiped down, and all of her clothes were folded, save for the ones she was going to wear that day. Her dress was back in its bag; a heartbreaking reminder that last night had almost happened. The kettle whistled from the other room, and Anna checked her phone once more to see if she missed a text from John. If he didn't respond by the time she was done in the shower, Anna decided she'd head up to the main house to look for him. As she prepared her tea the way she liked it, the door clicked open._

_"Hey," she said somewhat surprised, but cheerful._

_"Morning," he replied casually._

_"I texted you," she said,._

_"I didn't hear my phone go off," John responded as he began going through his bag for a fresh set of clothes._

_"Where were you?" she asked. "I was worried."_

_"You don't have to worry about me; I'm a big boy," he said with a small peck to her cheek as he passed her by. "I just went for a ride." Judging by his appearance and the smell coming off his jeans, he wasn't lying. "I had to clear my head," he responded a little too quickly. Before she could say anything more, he disappeared into the other room to use the bathroom. _

_She stopped stirring the milk in her tea. The spoon fell with a clatter against the saucer as Anna ran off after him. "John, we need to talk," she said as she burst through the door. _

_"No. We don't," he spun on his heels to address her. This wasn't how this morning was supposed to go. The night before as he walked back from Emily's room, he had imagined how their evening together would go. He envisioned making love to her for hours on end, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, professing his love to her, and waking up to the sight of her in his arms. Knowing how much she loved to sleep in, he'd planned on waking up before her and bringing her breakfast in bed. But that was all ruined now, and he didn't know how to vocalize his frustration. It was one of the worst traits he had inherited from his father. That and his Irish temper. _

_"John, are you...are you mad at me?"_

_"No. I just…" He was becoming exasperated now. Partially due to lack of sleep and partially due to his inability to form a coherent thought whenever he thought of what could have been between them. _

_"You just what?" she tried to pry it out of them._

_There were so many answers to that question. So many that he couldn't voice aloud or she'd never go to France. But, he couldn't think of a response. Not one that she would take lightly._

_"Say something, John."_

_If only she knew that she was the last person he thought about every night and the first one he thought about when he woke. How his days never felt complete until he received a smiley face text from her or heard her laugh across the phone. He imagined they wouldn't have the same affect on him when she was miles away. _

_She was still staring at him, awaiting an answer._

_His head screamed that he didn't want her to go. That being with her these last few days had been more painful than he thought possible, because this glimpse into the future was too much to bear. His heart ached for knowing that it was his desire to always do right by her that would ultimately keep them apart. So he did what he thought was right. He would push her away. "I want to pretend last night didn't happen," he blurted out._

_The words sucked the air out of the room and cut her to the quick. Anna looked like she might start crying on the spot. _

_He told himself to 'take it back' to 'find a way to fix it', but he didn't know how. He only knew how to do what his father had done. He avoided conflict by running from his problems. Except John didn't know how to run from her and he'd never want to. His eyes scanned over her, like a first responder surveying the situation. He had to determine the root of the problem, stop the bleeding, keep her stable until she could recover. How does one address the problem when they are the cause? "God...I didn't meant it that way. Anna, listen, I'm just under a lot of pressure right now with exams, and I haven't heard back about the internship. It's nothing against you. You understand, right?"_

_She was staying so strong for his sake. "Right...of course I do. I'm sure you'll hear back about the internship soon," she answered back. _

_He considered leaning in to hug her, but it was probably the last thing she wanted. At this point he was worried to do anything for fear of only making a bigger mess out of it than he already had. All he had to do was pretend everything was like before. _

_She could tell he was unsure of how to move forward. It was a characteristic he had exhibited before in front of her, but never regarding her. There was some truth to his statement, she wished last night hadn't happened either. Not because she didn't want it to happen, but because she hated that she stopped them from having that moment of bliss. Maybe it would have been better if she hadn't initiated it in the first place. What was it about this man that allowed himself to invade her brain and turn her world upside down without even trying? He could be so infuriating sometimes, yet as she stared at him she actually felt sorry for him and couldn't find it in her to harbor an angry thought against him. John had never been less than honorable with her, hadn't pressured her or guilted her into anything, and had always put her needs first. For a moment she thought he truly meant that he didn't want her, but one look at him told her otherwise. He looked rather helpless to her, as if he was longing for her, but frozen by fear. She saw through the facade, inside he was remorseful for what he said. Anna couldn't take those puppy dog eyes anymore and finally put him out of his misery. "You should go get cleaned up. We'll miss breakfast if we're not careful." She didn't waste anytime excusing herself from the bedroom._

* * *

_Breakfast with his family had been quiet and awkward. Had it been anyone else she probably would have snuck out undetected and never speak of the matter again. But this was John. They had history and friendship still holding them together, even if it was hard to tell where their ties as friends and lovers began and ended now. Thankfully it seemed that most everyone was nursing a hangover, so they weren't the only ones remaining silent. When John's phone began buzzing across the table, everyone immediately began chiding him to 'make it stop' and 'turn it off'. He apologized and excused himself. Emily shuffled past him as he stepped out onto the veranda and began serving herself while Anna washed her dish in the kitchen sink._

_"Oh Emily, how are you feeling?" Anna asked with genuine interest._

_"I'm afraid I'm not at my best, but it could have been a lot worse," Emily replied, somewhat embarrassed. The brunette looked around to see if anyone else was listening and whispered to Anna. "I must apologize to you. I didn't mean to ruin your evening."_

_"It's alright," Anna tried to make light of it. Even though her world seemed to be slowly falling apart right now, they couldn't let the others know what was going on. _

_"It's just that…" Emily lowered her voice a little more. "I threw myself at John a couple of times yesterday at the reception." _

_Anna had seen it. She knew nothing came of it, but just thinking about the possibility of John and Emily together left a bitter taste in her mouth. Anna had been so consumed in her thoughts of John, she almost hadn't heard Emily speak again. "It was wrong of me. I hope I didn't cause any problems between you and John."_

_"Oh no. We're fine." She hoped. Deep down Anna wrestled with the fact that she had no right to be jealous of John with someone else. After all she had never laid a claim to him before last night. And after the way that had played out, she'd be lucky if she had another chance ever again._

_"You should know that you are a very lucky woman. He's very committed to you." _

_"I know, but thank you. I'm glad he was able to help you back to your room last night, and that you are feeling better today," Anna said. _

_When she finished helping Aunt Tess and Aunt Miriam clean up the kitchen, Anna returned to the table to find John getting rounds of congratulations from his cousins. "What's all this? What did I miss?"_

_"John got the internship," Beth announced. _

_"That's wonderful," Anna replied. _

_Her eyes met John's across the room, and she smiled proudly at him. He walked around the dining room table to lift her tiny frame off the ground, and he hugged her and kissed her cheek. _

_"I'm so proud of you," she whispered in his ear. _

_"I couldn't have done it without you," he whispered back. John set her back down on the ground and cupped her cheeks with his hands, so overcome with excitement and emotion that he kissed her innocently on the lips. "You encouraged me to go for it and supported me through everything. I can't thank you enough for that," he said simply._

_"You're welcome," she replied. It was like the tension from the night before had magically slipped away, their worries forgotten until they began to pull away from one another. Their eyes were still locked on one another, but the sadness mirrored between them was undeniable. It didn't take long for the uneasiness to return._

_Anna now had tears in her eyes as she witnessed his aunts congratulate and embrace their nephew. _

_"John, are you alright? You look like you're going to cry," Tess noted._

_"I just wish my Mum was here to share this moment with me."_

_Tess hugged him back. "She is sweetheart. I've no doubts of that."_

* * *

_The rest of that week progressed like normal. John and Anna still managed to fit in their regular calls and texts, but the chemistry between them was strained in a relationship that was uncharted territory. The situation was only made wise by the fact that John did not seem to want to discuss it anymore than they had their last day at the winery. Meanwhile, Anna wanted to settle things between them before her departure, but was finding there was not enough time with all the errands she had to run. Or at least that's what she kept telling herself. The few times she had tried to broach the subject with John she chickened out. But she wasn't the only one avoiding the topic. John had kept putting her off, claiming he was busy with school or work. Maybe he was. She didn't want to be the one to distract him from his studies. _

_Anna shifted uneasily from one foot to another as she rubbed her forehead. She'd had an unrelenting headache that she was on the verge of naming John if it didn't leave her in peace soon. Talking might not be necessary, she tried to convince herself. After all, she could practically act out the entire conversation; she knew him so well. Anna knew the moment she brought it up he would ask what she wanted, and even though she knew, she couldn't bring herself to say it. Then she allowed her mind to wander to the possibility of a long distance relationship. She quickly pushed the thought aside, knowing that she couldn't take it if they broke up because time and distance away from each other became too much. No. She had to stick with her original plan. Their best shot at this would be to wait until they were both free to be with each other in the same country. Her head was pounding now and then her phone sprung to life. His photo came across the screen and she saw a text asking if she was free for lunch in an hour._

* * *

_She managed to squeeze in a lunch date with him between picking up her transfer papers at the university and heading back to her mother's to settle some last minute details for her going away party. As soon as she spotted him in their booth at their favorite tea shop, her face broke into a smile. He began to rise to greet her, but she quickly motioned for him to sit back down. "It feels like it's been forever," Anna said as she stooped down to kiss his cheek. "I've missed you."_

_"Same here," he replied back. "I put in your usual order. I hope that was alright." There was a hint of hesitation in his voice. She noticed the way he fiddled with his hands nervously._

_"It's more than alright. I'm famished. They really should have an expected wait time posted at the queues at the registration office. Had I known it was going to be that long, I would have brought a pack mule and a canteen," she joked. _

_They both giggled easily. It felt like old times, when nothing was forced or scrutinized._

_Anna eyed the dessert menu, "Do you mind if we split some jam tarts? My sweet tooth is nagging at me today."_

_"Your sweet tooth is always nagging at you."_

_She shot a warning look his way._

_"But, yes, that's fine," he added with a playful grin._

_The two exchanged pleasantries and caught up on one another's week. They were about halfway through their meal when Anna stopped in the middle of eating her sandwich to ask him, "Will Robert be coming with you to my party? He's been horrible about RSVPing."_

_John averted his eyes for a moment as he tried to find a way to break the news to her. "I don't think so, but I can find out for you."_

_"Oh, it's fine. I'll just check with Cora," Anna said as she scribbled down a note into her cellphone. _

_He took a long sip at his water. _

_"Do you think you'll be able to come early to help set up, or will you be showing up when everyone else does?"_

_"Actually, Anna…"_

_"Yes…" she responded eagerly_

_"I wont be able to make it," he said._

_"What?" she asked. Immediately, her mind jumped to the conclusion that this was his way of avoiding her further because of the way she had turned him down. Anna knew things hadn't been the same, but she really didn't want to lose her friendship with John because of an impulsive decision she'd made that night. She tried to remain calm and not let her emotions take over her actions. But it was so hard not to. This was John. He had to be there. "Surely you can still stop by for a few, even if it's a little late," she suggested hopefully._

_"I'm sorry, but I had something come up that I can't reschedule."_

_"So that's it then? I've screwed up everything?" Anna asked as tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. She kept her voice low, recognizing they were still in a public place._

_"Anna, please, it's not like that," John replied as he rested a hand over hers in a feeble attempt to calm her._

_Anna pulled away as if his touch had burned her. She began pulling cash from her pocket._

_"Wait. What are you doing?" John tried to stop her, but it was as if she couldn't hear him anymore. _

_She left a tenner on the tabletop. "I have to go," she said, unable to meet his eyes._

_"Wait, hold on," John began to chase after her but the waitress called after him to finish paying his tab. "Shit! Hold on!" He dumped out whatever he could find crumpled up in his pocket. "Keep the change!" John ran out of the tea shop and dodged traffic as he attempted to cross the street. "Anna, wait!"_

_Anna glanced over her shoulder when she heard him calling, but just kept walking faster. _

_John was running at full speed now to catch her and lightly gripped her arm to spin her to face him. "Wait, will you?" He was out of breath as he kept her from leaving._

_"I knew you were being distant. I tried to tell myself it was in my head," she stammered through her tears. "You've always made time for me, but this past week I was lucky if I got to speak with you for more than a minute. But it's fine, you don't have to come. I wouldn't want to force you into something you didn't want to do," she said with a fire that he had never been on the receiving end of._

_"Now hold on a minute," he said with his voice slightly raised. John was still being mindful that they were on an open street and she was crying, but he'd be damned if he kept quiet when it counted. "I can't go because I have to go to an orientation for my internship that day. I won't lie that I was a bit relieved I didn't have to go to the party because I hate the idea of saying goodbye to you, and even worse I hate that I have to spend my last few hours with you sharing you with a room full of people. But this is what you wanted. You wanted to wait. You chose to pursue your dream. You chose to leave me first." His eyes glassed over with tears. He ran a hand through his hair to comb it back in place and wiped at his eyes. "I never once guilted you into staying or made you feel bad for wanting to go to France. Do you know how hard it has been hearing you get excited about a life that didn't include me?"_

_She stood there stunned in silence. Ever since the wedding she'd been berating him to talk to her and now he had. And now that the tables were turned she couldn't offer him an answer._

_"You didn't even think to ask me why I couldn't go," he pointed out with a hurt look written on his face. "You just assumed I didn't want to go." His voice was on the verge of cracking under the weight of his emotions. It warbled slightly as he fought to keep his breath composed. "Well you got your wish. I'm not going."_

_With those final, cutting words John did something he had never done before. He left her standing there, wide eyed and broken without even a chance to respond. What she couldn't see as she watched him leave her were the tears that were persistently running down his face. Breaking him as well._

* * *

Anna stood by the edge of her balcony looking down at the cars parked along the street. None of them John's. She knew he wasn't going to be able to come, but there was nothing wrong with hoping. The laughter from the party filtered into the night air from the back door and she turned her head to find Gwen standing there. "Hey."

"Hey," Gwen responded back sweetly. The two of them stood in silence for a moment staring at the scenery before them. "You know I'm sure he would be here if he could," Gwen said as she put a light jacket over her friend's shoulders. Her red-headed companion had been the only one she had confided in about their time at the wedding.

"I know," Anna said. She brushed at some imaginary dust on the railing of the balcony. "I just wish I could take some of the things I said back."

"Hindsight is twenty-twenty," Gwen commented.

"Is this supposed to be making me feel better," Anna quipped.

"Maybe not, but I think you need someone to be realistic with you. The two of you obviously both love each other, and now we have confirmation that something is bubbling underneath that male exterior," Gwen said with a half smile. "You both are being pulled in two very different directions right now. I think the two of you just need to give it time to adjust to these new roles you are taking on, give yourselves a chance to miss one another, and it will all work out."

"I already miss him, Gwen," Anna confessed sadly.

"I know, sweetie." After a few seconds more, Gwen whipped out some tissue and handed it to Anna to dab at her eyes. "Now. You have exactly twenty more seconds to mope before you have to go back in there and have the time of your life with everyone that is going to miss you. Present company included." The girls shared a smile. "Try not to focus on him. Knowing John, he'll find a way to make it up to you. He wouldn't just let you leave without giving you a proper send off, Anna."

"No. I don't suppose he would," she responded.


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N Happy Saturday everyone. Sorry for the delay in getting this one up, been a busier week than usual at work. I have to thank everyone for the lovely reviews. I have to admit, I get a huge kick out of the mantra that seems to have become a favorite among reviewers of "I just want to knock their heads together" and make them kiss or something to that effect. I know, I know. I want it too. But where would be the fun if they got together right away? It will come, give it time. I'm not going to deny it I put a chunk of Fellowes dialogue in here for one scene, but I think I made it stand out on it's own. Thanks to my lovely betas: chisoxtam14, a-lady-to-me, and lynnsaundersfanfic. Hope you all enjoy!**_

**_Chapter 8_**

"I brought over more boxes," Gwen announced as she pushed in the door to Anna's flat.

"You're a lifesaver," Anna responded. She gently set a packed box down in the sitting room and wiped some sweat from her brow. "I didn't realize I had so much clutter."

Gwen busted out the extra roll of packing tape she brought with her. "At least there isn't much left to do. We should have the last of it done by this afternoon."

"Yeah." Anna sounded a bit remorseful as she glanced around at the first little flat she'd ever had.

"I'm gonna miss you, ya know?" Gwen tried to keep her emotions in check as she stared at her best friend. "It won't be the same without you here."

"I know. I'll miss you too."

The two girls embraced one another and exchanged promises of how they would write and call every day. They assured each other that a year would fly by quickly, but that didn't stop either girl from letting a few tears pass between them.

"Have you heard from him?" Gwen asked.

"No," Anna replied. "I know it's only been a few days since our spat, but...I think I may have actually pushed him away for good."

"Don't say that."

"What if he doesn't say goodbye? What if he doesn't ever want to speak to me again?"

"You can't honestly believe that," Gwen said, but Anna refused to meet her eyeline. "Have you tried to call him?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I wouldn't know what to say."

"Well there you have it," Gwen said optimistically. "He's probably in the same boat you are."

"I only wish we were in the same boat," Anna said softly. She was about to say something more, when a knock at the door interrupted them.

A burly man with a kind face stood in the doorway and made his presence known. "Hello. Hello. Someone called for a set of movers?"

"Come in," Anna called out.

The gentleman introduced himself and his partner before they set about grabbing boxes and putting them in a truck. When one of the movers picked up a box from the counter, Anna quickly stopped him and told him that one was staying there.

"I thought everything but your clothes is going back to your Mum's."

"It is," Anna said.

"Then what's that box for?" Gwen asked.

Anna didn't need to say a word. It was for John.

* * *

"John? Hello...are you even listening?" Robert's voice finally broke through to him.

"I'm sorry, mate," John responded.

"Listen. Let's just address the elephant in the room since we are clearly not moving forward until you do," Robert suggested. "She leaves in three days. You're miserable. She's miserable."

"She is? How do you know?" The image of Anna standing before him on the street had been haunting him the past few days. There were so many times where he considered picking up the phone just to ask how she was doing, but he couldn't gather up the nerve. Of course she wasn't ok. Anna wore her heart on her sleeve. Seeing her face that day was all the proof he needed that she wasn't alright. The resounding pain he felt in his heart told him he had broken her.

"How else would I know? Cora."

John let his head hang in defeat. He hated the idea of Anna being unhappy when she should be ecstatic to go on her trip to Paris. Even more so, he hated that he caused her to feel this way. After leaving her on the street outside the tea shop, he wanted to retch; it felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach.

"You should just call her," Robert said.

"I think after the way I treated her, it's going to require more than a phone call," John said.

"Look, I've messed up badly before with Cora. And if I've learned anything, it's that grand gestures go a long way for women. You may not be able to get back to the point you were before, but I know if you don't at least try to make it right, you'll not be able to live with yourself. And being that far apart won't make it any easier to deal with." Robert looked over to his friend to see how receptive he was being to his suggestion.

"I know. I just don't know what to do," John replied.

"Well, you better think of something quick. She's going to be gone for a year, and that's a lot of lost time you are going to have to make up for if you wait any longer."

Just then, something clicked. John scrambled to toss his books, wallet, and phone into his bag. "Robert, you're a genius," John said before ruffling his friend's hair.

"Of course I am...what did I do?"

"You've given me a brilliant idea," John answered back. "I can't waste any more time." He shrugged his jacket on as he headed for the door.

"Let me know how it goes!" Robert called out.

* * *

Her stomach was in knots the whole ride over to his flat. After not hearing from him for days, she had begun to convince herself he might actually let her go without saying goodbye. She thought that was the worst thing that could have possibly happened, but then he called her and asked her to come over. It wasn't as if she didn't want him to contact her. On the contrary, she had been longing to talk with him. But now that the moment was upon her, she was feeling uneasy. The invitation had completely caught her off guard, and now Anna had no idea what to expect. What if this was it? What if this was where they parted ways. Years of friendship lost to an uncontrollable urge to be with one another. If there was ever a more perfect example of irony, she had yet to see it. And she sure as hell wasn't about to challenge the universe to send her one.

As Anna circled John's flat, trying to look for a parking spot, she replayed the conversation they had over the phone and tried to prepare herself for what was to come. It was hard to predict though; John had actually sounded desperate for her to come over. There was an underlying hint of optimism there that she couldn't quite place. Maybe that was a good sign. They had never had a fight of this magnitude. Sure there had been little disagreements here and there but nothing they couldn't work their way through. John had always been so quick to apologize, even when he wasn't in the wrong. She had to wonder if that would be the case now, his actions the day at the tea shop suggested otherwise. It was a whole new side of John she had never seen before.

She finally found a spot and gathered up the box she had set aside for him. Taking the stairs one at a time, Anna steeled herself for what was to come. When his doorway was in sight at the end of the hallway, she wasn't sure if she'd longed for this moment or dreaded it. She hesitated for a second before knocking on the door. Anna took a deep breath and let it out with a rush before finally committing to knock.

"Just one second," John called out from the other side of the door.

Anna shifted her feet nervously and hitched the box up a little higher. She tried to put on a brave face and chewed on her lower lip as she heard the locks being undone, her heart was coming undone with anticipation at the prospect of seeing him again. Even if he was upset, Anna knew that this would be the last time she'd see him before she left. She was going to make the most of her time with him even if it left her broken-hearted.

When the door swung open, she saw that boyish grin that left her reeling. His eyes lit up in a way she was just now realizing had always been reserved for her. The crinkles around the edges extended as his grin evolved into a smile. The dimples of his cheeks presented themselves, making her heart swell with love for him. She took comfort in that and felt herself relax a little.

Her eyes roamed over his large figure as he loomed in the doorway. John looked like he hadn't slept or ate much lately. She couldn't be sure if that was due to school and work or what had transpired between them. He wore a dark green shirt with cutoff sleeves and fitted jeans that gave him a cuddly appeal. Anna had to shift her focus when she realized she had been staring a little too hard at his biceps and forearms. His hair flopped about loosely, like he had brushed it back with his hands, and she could tell he had just shaved.

"I was worried when you didn't show up on time," he said. John let out a breath of relief.

"Really? Why?"

"I thought maybe you backed out," he admitted.

"Well I didn't," she replied. John's smile disappeared, and Anna realized she may have come across as angry when she didn't intend to. Her voice and features softened as she attempted to reassure him. "It took me a little longer to find parking was all."

"Oh, right," he replied.

She wouldn't lie to herself. Anna was glad that he had been worried she might not come at all. Perhaps there was hope for them yet.

"What's all this?" John motioned towards the box. "Do you need me to carry it for you?"

"It doesn't weigh much, but you may as well take it. It's all your stuff - little things here and there that you've left at my place over the years. I thought you'd want them back," she explained.

John wasted no time in relieving her of the load in her hands.

"It's mostly clothes. I didn't realize how often I borrow your hoodies."

John's hands began rummaging through the box, seeing if he could spot any long lost items. "There's not any paint on them is there?" he asked half-jokingly.

"No," she answered with a giggle.

John raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Well...maybe." They both shared a laugh. "If I ruined anything beyond repair let me know and I'll get you another."

"It's fine. It will be a not-so-subtle reminder of you," he said sweetly.

Anna swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. "I found some of your old cds too, even the U2 one you kept insisting I had," she said.

"I knew it," John said with wide eyes and a smile.

"So are you gonna let me in, or are we just going to keep standing here making idle chit chat in your hallway?"

"Yes," John said as he began to lead her in. "Just hold on. Give me a second."

He disappeared behind the door. Anna pushed an errant strand of hair behind her ear and smoothed out her blouse, hoping she looked alright. Before she had to chance to overthink it, the door opened again, and John was asking her to close her eyes. She did so without hesitation and relished the way the palm of his hand fit perfectly within hers as he guided her inside. His voice hummed against her skin as he whispered to her to keep her eyes closed. "Are your eyes still closed?" he asked with a teasing tone.

"They are," she answered back swiftly. A smile had blossomed on her face, and she was unable to contain her excitement at what awaited her.

"Alright...open them," John replied.

Anna audibly gasped at the sight before her. There were Christmas lights, streamers, and balloons strung all about the ceiling. Paper snowflakes were taped up on the windows and shamrocks were tacked onto the walls. John had erected a small Christmas tree in the center of the room and managed to decorate it, even though most of the baubles were clumped on one side of the tree. She stifled a giggle.

"Do you like it?" John asked nervously.

"Well, I'm still not quite sure what I'm looking at, but...yes. I do love it."

"Consider this an apology. I didn't know how to deal with you leaving... I still don't, actually. And I didn't get to go to your going away party. I gave it some thought and came to the conclusion that I can't handle missing out on the next year with you," he said softly. "Which is why we are going to pack a year's worth of memories into one afternoon."

"I'm not sure where you are going with this."

"We are going to celebrate all the holidays that we love before you go to France: Halloween, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, and most importantly, your birthday."

"But you hate celebrating those holidays," she pointed out.

John raised his hands to stop her from speaking any further, determined to make this a special moment and not ruin it with his past. He knew he had always been a bit of a grinch when it came to holidays. "No. I hate them on my own. I love them when I'm with you."

His words caused her heart to constrict in her chest.

"Oh, I almost forgot." John ran over to his laptop and clicked on the mouse. Soon after, Christmas music began streaming out over the speakers.

"John...I…" There were literally no words. No one had ever done anything like this for her. She kept herself guarded; there was still a very real chance that there was no romantic intention behind it. But, the grand gesture told her everything she needed to know. She could tell, that at the end of the day, their friendship would still be in tact.

"I haven't missed a single one since I met you, and I don't intend to start now."

John stepped in front of her now, navigating his way around the room to point everything out for her. He reminded her of a child trying to explain an illustration filled with indistinguishable squiggles and vibrant colors. It was a masterpiece, to be sure.

"Now, I didn't have much time to go out shopping, but here you go," John said as he offered her a brightly wrapped box.

"John, this isn't fair," she protested.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't get you anything."

"Anna, you have been a better friend than I could have ever hoped for. You took care of me after I lost my mother. I will never be able to repay you for that. You don't have to ever get me anything," he insisted.

It still didn't sit well with her, but she knew he could be just as stubborn as she was at times. This is one argument she wasn't going to win. "Does this count as a Christmas present or a birthday present?" she inquired.

"Which ever you want," he said with a chuckle. "Go on. Open it."

Anna tore the paper away and removed the lid from the box to reveal a burgundy beret.

"Couldn't send you off to France without one. Every artist should have one."

"It's lovely, John. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Try it on," he urged.

Anna removed the tag and placed it on her head before doing a few poses. "What do you think?"

John looked back at her fondly, falling more in love with her with every passing second. "It's your color. Very chic," he commented. John adjusted the hat slightly to the side and stared into her blue eyes a little longer than he should have.

She blushed under his heated gaze. It meant so much to her that he was being supportive of her dreams, that he was willing to put her goals ahead of what they both wanted.

"Alright, what else do we have on the table for our holiday plans?" she asked.

John ushered her over to the bar stool next to the kitchen counter. "Well, it wouldn't be a birthday party without some party blowers and cake," he explained.

Anna saw the familiar pink box with the white cursive logo she had come to love so much.

"I went down to the bakery on fifth street."

"You didn't…" she said enthusiastically.

"I did."

"You got me the red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese filling?"

"Of course. It wouldn't be be a proper birthday without candles to blow out." John withdrew a lighter and some candles from a kitchen drawer. He put a candle shaped like a number two on one cupcake and another shaped like a seven on the other cupcake. "Sorry, it's all I could find on such short notice."

"It's perfect," she praised him. Her heart skipped a beat as she imagined John going through the trouble to put this all together, and pictured him having a mini meltdown when he realized he forgot to get candles. John lit the candles with care and cleared his throat before singing a lovely rendition of "Happy Birthday" to her.

Anna closed her eyes and could only think of one thing to wish for. She wished for his happiness.

"Did you make a wish?"

"I did."

The two of them removed the candles and dug into their cupcakes. John pulled out two glasses from the cupboard and poured some green beer he had chilling in the fridge. "It wouldn't be St. Patrick's Day without celebratory drinks." John took a seat across from her and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. He clinked his glass against hers before congratulating her once more on the opportunity to go to France, and she did the same for him in regards to his internship in London.

"My, my, you have thought of everything. I must admit the private performance of 'Happy Birthday' was delightful. You have a lovely singing voice," she complimented.

"Thanks. Let's not make it a habit though," he joked.

"Would it be the worst thing to happen?"

"No. You leaving is the worst thing to happen to me," he admitted in a gruff voice.

The happy mood that had filled the room before began to quickly escape like air from a balloon.

"I'll never leave you. Not really, anyways." In a single breath, she summoned up the strength not to cry in front of him. Anna knew she wouldn't be able to stop the tears once she started, and she had to to get this out of her system. "Even if nothing comes of all this when I get back and you are done with your internship...I'm not sorry you know? Not a bit. I would be your friend now if I wasn't already your friend. I'd do it all over again, exactly the same." A ragged breath escaped her as she worked past the sob that was building in her throat. "I would," she declared softly.

John bit down softly on his lower lip. His eyes glossed over with tears. He kept his distance, but refused to break eye contact with her. The woman he loved would be leaving by the end of the week, and even though it would be a short time apart, any time spent without her was too long. "God knows I'm not sorry either," he said. John felt himself begin to break down as her lower lip wobbled. "Maybe I should be." Many would have chided him for waiting too long to say something to her, for not seeing what everyone else saw sooner, and for allowing her to go without laying some claim to her. He clammed up for a moment as he gave serious consideration to the thoughts he wished to voice. He wouldn't allow her to doubt his feelings for her this time around. John wanted to establish he meant to be more than friends. "No man can regret loving as I have loved you." A single tear slid down his cheek as he spoke. His voice was a whisper, but he had never poured more devotion or passion into a single declaration in his life. It was out there now. She knew he loved her.

John sat up from his chair at the kitchen counter and took a step forward, closing the gap between them. Anna followed his lead and stood up as well. He cupped her cheeks within his hands and let his thumbs sweep them gently. "One kiss to take with me," John said in a raspy voice.

Anna began to turn her face, expecting a kiss on the cheek as she had become accustomed to, but John lightly steered her back to face him. He wasn't going to allow himself to botch this up by over-analyzing the situation any further. John had never adored her more, and he was adamant that no one could care for her or love her the way he did. He leaned forward, almost forcefully, so eager to make her his and kiss her in a way he never had. His fingers tangled in her silky, blonde curls. Their lips melded together in a seemingly perfect way, and he wanted to cradle her in his arms as his head found a home in the crook of her neck. His body nearly covered hers completely, like a shield, but he had never felt smaller as she wrapped her arms around him. Her hands clutched him like he was her salvation, a life preserve in the storm, the both of them unwilling to lose contact with the other. They were both all too aware that getting to this point had been difficult, but their biggest hurdle still lay ahead.


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N Happy Sunday, readers! I know this update is long overdue. I hope you all are still interested in the story and thanks so much for all the lovely reviews. Enjoy!**_

**_Chapter 9_**

Their kisses had started off somewhat slowly, the two of them settling into a familiar rhythm and acquainting themselves with something the both could quickly get used to. The contact between them was shy and tempered at first, John not wanting to push her for more than she was ready to experience, and Anna not wanting to appear too eager steadied herself. She rationed out her kisses, taking the time to fully enjoy his lips and the way he tasted. Her fingers roamed across the expanse that was his broad chest, eventually settling at the nape of his neck to play with the fringe of hair that lay there. Her body shivered in response to the roughness of his fingertips and their tentative movements.

It wasn't for lack of want, but John didn't want to treat Anna like just any other girl. She was to be cherished and savored, these pleasure filled moments would be all he would have to keep his thoughts company until they were reunited. John reminded himself it wouldn't go beyond this. He wouldn't have her head filled with doubts that this had been some attempt to sleep with her before she left. John knew once he had her, he would have a hell of a time letting her go. He could wait, they had waited this long after all.

It didn't take much for the embers to burst into flame. Innocent touches quickly gathered confidence and moved with purpose. Her nails clutched at his shirt, while his hands gripped her bottom. Their breaths became more erratic, and shy smiles erupted into laughter as they fumbled on his couch. She wanted him something awful, the musk of his cologne spurning her on. Anna would have devoured him if she could, and judging by the way his eyes darkened and his lip quirked into a sinfully delicious smile, she was certain he felt the same. Her hands began to move further south and John was sure that if his feelings for her were not already evident, his arousal most definitely was.

"Wait. Anna. We shouldn't," he said in a ragged voice. John sounded as if he were trying to convince himself as he spoke. His fingers ran through his hair, pushing it from his eye line.

Anna looked confused and disheartened by his words.

"Not like this. You deserve something special. Not some quick affair before you are catching the redeye for Paris," he tried to reason with her.

"But I want to," she admitted swiftly.

His naughty girl. God he loved her forwardness. He chuckled softly and the vibration of his laughter reignited her desire for him. Her doe eyes stared him down expecting him to challenge her.

John brushed back a strand of hair behind her ear, his thumb and forefinger lightly gripping her chin and tilting it so that she was facing him. "I love you, Anna May Smith. And that is not the path for you."

She sighed reluctantly and her shoulders slumped in defeat knowing he was right, but ultimately finding his words endearing. He had always had her best interest at heart, and now was no exception.

"I'm not going anywhere," he promised. "The feelings I have for you are for you alone. No one else is going to change that or come between us while you are gone."

"Why are you so good to me?" she asked.

His face cast off a half smile, reminded of another time she had asked him the same question. They had been in a similar position too. Though he doubted she remembered asking him or his answer for that matter. "Oh my darling," he said sweetly.

The term of endearment made her heart soar and her eyes almost welled up with happy tears. He had called her many things at the wedding when they had pretended to be a couple, but this time it was real. It meant something more. Anna managed to keep her emotions in check as she bit down on her lower lip with anticipation at his next words.

John pressed his mouth to hers, the small smack of their lips echoed in the silent room. John pulled back and let the pad of his thumb caress her arm. "It's because I love you." He paused, ensuring his words carried the same weight as they had when he said them the last time. "I always have and I always will."

Her head dipped down, staring at the spot where their hands were joined. She knew he spoke the truth. With all they had been through together she couldn't have picked a better man if she tried. She still wasn't sure how her heart would stand being so far away from him over the next year, but it would still beat for him. "I love you more," Anna said. She hugged him tightly and burrowed herself against his chest. "I'm just not ready to let you go. Not when I finally have you for myself."

"You've always had me," he whispered.

* * *

John and Anna sat, cuddled up on his couch staring at the twinkling lights strung up around the living room. His rough palms, gently caressing the exposed skin of her arm as he inhaled the scent of her shampoo. He loved the feel of her tiny weight resting against his body and pressed a kiss into her hair as she squeezed her arms around his waist more tightly. John had never felt more grateful to know that she was his and was kicking himself for not seeing how perfect she was for him sooner. Knowing that she would be leaving in a matter of days was killing him, but he knew he had one job, not only as her friend, but as her...well, her boyfriend now he supposed. John had to make sure that regardless of their feelings for one another, Anna had to make it to Paris. He couldn't allow himself to get sidetracked by this new role and had to focus on his internship. But that all seemed so insignificant now when he finally had everything he wanted within his grasp. He loved her and she loved him, and somehow that was more than enough.

She had been so quiet that he almost thought Anna had fallen asleep in his arms. His shoulder was becoming sore, but it was a small price to pay to have this stolen moment with such an amazing woman. The Christmas playlist that had been filling the room before finally reached an end. "John?" Her voice beckoned him softly.

"Hmmm," he murmured. The tips of his fingers grazed the side of her cheek as he motioned to push a loose strand of hair from her eyeline.

"Where do we go from here?" Her voice was small and meek.

"How do you mean?" His hand stopped its ministrations and his brows furrowed with concern.

"I mean...we only have a few days to be with each other and then what?" Anna looked at the clock on the wall and realized today was nearly over. Two more days.

John sat up a little and felt her shift to turn and face him. "We are going to make the most of the hours we have left within the same country."

"And then?"

"Then...phone call, emails, texts and Skype will have to do until one of us can make it to the other."

"It's not enough though," she replied.

"I know. But it will have to do for now. We'll manage," he answered back.

Anna smiled broadly at the sound of his words. He didn't say 'I'll manage' or 'you'll manage'. They were a team now in all the ways that mattered.

"How do you know?" she asked softly.

"How do I know? I'll tell you how," John left her side momentarily as he reached for a picture on the side of the couch and brought it back for Anna to see. It was one of them when they were still in their early teenage years. Anna was just shy of turning thirteen and John was fifteen. He was going through a bit of a chubby phase and had turned into a handful after his father walked out on them. Anna had just gotten her braces and was feeling less than comfortable in her own skin. But that all slipped away the moment they were in one another's company. The two of them made a right pair, but they clung to each other in the photo like they were each other's world. Both so full of love for the other. It was always there in front of their very eyes. John pointed to the photo and said, "If you could love me then when I was at my absolute worst, then I see no reason why we can't make this work now." He sounded so optimistic.

It was just what she needed. How was he always able to do that?

"What?" he inquired with a sly grin.

"You said 'we' and you meant it as more than friends," Anna said triumphantly. "In my whole life, I've never been this happy."

John brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "Then it shall be my goal to ensure you are always this happy. Nothing less." They shared a smile. "Now how about I see about getting us some food? Unless you have to go that is..." His eyes looked to her, waiting for a response.

"No. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Dinner sounds lovely," she said.

"Chinese takeaway sound okay? There's a new place up the road that delivers," John said.

"Sure. Let me give my Mum a call to let her know I'll be late. Else she'll worry."

"Sounds like a plan."

* * *

John and Anna did just as they said they would. They spent every waking moment together until it was time for her departure. She had stayed the night at John's every night since they reconciled. The two of them had never slept better than when they were nestled in one another's arms. That was until their last night together. The two of them fighting off the urge to fall asleep, hoping to share in a few more shared conversations, touches, and kisses.

"You can sleep now, my love," he whispered as her eyes fluttered. "I'll make sure to wake you in time to take you to the airport."

"I'm not tired," she said with a yawn. Anna rubbed her eyes in an effort to wake herself up.

"Liar," he accused with a laugh. It was followed by a yawn of his own, but John was used to sleepless nights. He'd always had a bout of insomnia for as long as he could remember, and he'd always used it to his advantage. Tonight was no exception. He encouraged her to roll over and nuzzled up against her backside while holding her tightly.

Anna sighed with a hint of frustration.

"Nervous?" he asked.

"No."

"Can't sleep?"

Anna nodded her head in agreement.

"What's the matter?"

"You'll think me foolish," she answered back.

"Tell me anyway," he insisted.

She continued to lay there silently.

"I'll make it better," he said in a low voice.

Anna recognizing the phrase she so often used with John, and couldn't help but smile. She rolled back over to face him. "I'm worried I'm going to fall asleep and the last two days will have all just been a dream. I'm going to wake up and we'll just be friends," she confessed. "I don't want to lose what we've gained. You mean too much to me, John."

"It's not a dream. Us being friends is what brought us to this point, and you're still my best friend."

"What about Robert?" she teased.

"Not even, Robert."

They both giggled in the dark like old lovers.

"Don't tell him that though. It would break his heart." He tapped the tip of her nose with his fingertip and kissed her cheek. "Now will you try to get some sleep?"

"I'll try, but I can't make any promises."

"That's all I ask," he said. John knew all too well that she would sleep better after some reassurances were made.

She laid in his arms, still tossing back and forth. "John?"

"Hmmm?" He had just begun to fall asleep, but his eyes shot open at the sound of her voice.

"I love you," she said ardently.

"I love you too," he mumbled in a sleepy voice.

* * *

John drove as slowly as possible, without making her late. Her mother had wanted to take her, but it was Anna's wish that John be the one to do it. Not wanting to get on her mother's bad side, he suggested they atleast get together to share breakfast with her mother before they headed to the airport. While he was glad for the time alone with her, it also made her departure all the more painful as there was no one to fill the silence that had settled between them. He squeezed her knee with his free hand whenever he heard an anxious sigh escape her lips. He wanted to draw out what little time they had left on the way to the airport. But eventually there was no denying it. The time was upon them, and in mere minutes she would be on a plane and out of his realm for the next year.

"You can just drop me off at the curb," Anna suggested. "There's no need for you to come inside."

John's brows furrowed and he shot her a look of disapproval. "There is every need. You're my girl."

Anna blushed and bit back a smile.

"I'm going to see you off properly," he said adamantly.

They drove to the parking lot, and as much as she appreciated the sentiment, Anna wasn't sure she could handle a long, drawn out goodbye.

Their hands clasped one another as they walked through the terminal towards the departure gates. John carried her bags and slowed his steps for her. When they reached the security checkpoint he set her items down and turned to face her. Before either of them could say a word she had kissed him fiercely, his hands finding their way around her waist. He felt so at home like this with her, and how ironic, as she would be leaving him shortly. They pulled away and Anna wiped her eyes free of tears, but a new set soon traveled down her cheeks. Anna was grateful she had foregone putting on make up that morning. She'd have been a right mess when she arrived in Paris.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. The year will fly by, you'll see."

She knew he was right, but that didn't make this any easier. John had always been her rock, the one that kept her steady and sheltered her from the storm. Anna was going off into the world on her own and now she was beginning to question whether or not she could do this.

John kissed her forehead before he let his own rest against it. "I'll try to come visit as soon as I'm settled into my internship," he promised.

She attempted to smile, not wanting him to worry too terribly that she couldn't handle this.

"Call me once you've landed," he instructed.

"I will."

"And again when you've gotten to the the dorms."

"Yes, sir."

The announcements on the PA system rang out letting them know her flight had just begun to board and she better get going. "That's me," she said sounding rather defeated.

"You'll be fine. You have fun and be safe."

"Okay," she said simply. "Good luck with your internship." Now it was her turn to baby him. "Go out once in awhile with Robert and Cora, you need to enjoy life."

"I will," he replied with a roll of the eyes.

"Take breaks from studying and make sure you take care of yourself."

"Yes, mum," he teased.

"I mean it, John."

"I know you do," he responded with an impish smile.

"That means eating properly and getting some sleep."

He absentmindedly nodded his head in agreement, knowing she was right, but not quite wanting to give her the satisfaction of admitting it.

"And it wouldn't hurt for you to go see your Aunt Tess and Miriam once or twice while I'm gone."

"Did they tell you to say that?"

She laughed. It felt good. It was a nice break from the tears and anxiety that had filled her eyes and heart the last few days. Anna tried to find the silver lining in the matter and came to the conclusion that she was glad they were able to make amends before she left and take that next step in their relationship from friendship to something more. Looking back at him and seeing the way his eyes lit up and the little wrinkles that crinkled around the edges as he did so made her feel lighter and filled her with joy.

"No. But they care for you just as much as I do. You should at least call them."

"I will."

The PA rang out again and she couldn't delay this any further.

"It's not goodbye, Anna. It's see you later."

"Right."

"I love you, my darling." John swooped her up in his arms one last time, kissing her fervently.

When they pulled away Anna couldn't help but notice his eyes were filled with tears that threatened to spill over, but never did.

"I love you," she said. Her hand ran across his chest and she let her lips brush against his cheek in a chaste kiss. "I'll see you later." Her voice cracked. She bent down to pick up her bags and headed to the security checkpoint.

He waited there anxiously, shifting from foot to foot with his hands in his pockets as she slowly moved further and further away. Finally, she was out of sight. He never knew such heartache was possible. The sunshine that had filled his life was temporarily gone and he had never felt so empty as he watched her plane take off. Yet even after it was well off the ground and had become a dot across the sky, John couldn't quite tear himself away from the spot he'd been standing in where he'd once held her in his arms. She'd kissed him as more than friends. She'd let her eyes linger on him in a way no other woman had and showed him how deeply she cared for him. Anna had told him she'd love him and the words had never meant more to him than when they fell from her lips. He gathered his courage and tried not to wear his heart on his sleeve as he made the trip back to his lonely little flat, where memories of her would have to keep him going until he saw her again.


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N So after nine chapters of torture I'm giving in a little to the Anna/Bates hormones that I'm sure would be running rampant at this point. And for that reason I am going to have to bump up the rating for the last third of this chapter to a strong M. Thanks to a-lady-to-me and jamesluver for helping out with being betas for this one. I hope you all enjoy and please review. **_

**_Chapter 10_**

The first few weeks after Anna's departure moved at a glacial pace. The two of them skyped as often as they could, while phone calls and text messages filled the void in between times. As much as she would deny it on the phone, it was painfully clear that Anna was homesick. There was something so melancholy about her voice whenever she spoke to him over the phone, despite the brave face she tried to put on. She was blocked creatively when it came to painting or sketching, the majority of her free time was spent trying to catch up with John rather than making new friends or exploring the city she was in. Anna knew she shouldn't, but being so far from home had made her return to her habit of smoking. It eased her nerves when she wasn't able to talk with John after a long day of courses and studies. It tore her up that she wasn't fully enjoying this experience, to be in a place like Paris, getting to experience world-famous art from some of the greatest artists of all time, the truth was it just wasn't the same without John.

"Who is that?

Her instructor's voice brought her out of her trance. Anna looked up to find Professor Hughes standing just over her shoulder.

"What's that?" Anna asked as she pulled the earbuds from her ipod out of her ear. She was still putting the final touches on a piece she'd been working on for the past few hours. It wasn't complete, but it was clear as day to her who the focus of her latest masterpiece was. Dark eyes framed by crinkles that seemed to jump off the page and made her insides melt. Those dimples that could only belong to one person and blossomed with every smile that graced his face. The unruly lock of hair that broke formation no matter how much he pushed it back with his large hands. She paused to give serious thought to his hands and the way they felt whenever they touched her. Anna blushed as she pictured what might have been if they had experienced one night of bliss before she had left.

"Anna?" Mrs. Hughes asked again.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

"It's quite alright. He must be very special to you."

"What makes you say that?" Anna replied.

"Because you are supposed to be working on a landscape," the older woman replied.

"Oh, gosh. I didn't…"

"It's quite alright," Mrs. Hughes assured in her Scottish brogue. "I wont tell if you wont. Though I must say, he's quite handsome."

Anna returned to the portrait and took a moment to admire it. Her fingers lightly traced the outline of his face and she smirked before flipping the page over to start anew. Anna put her earbuds back in and the song turned to one of her and John's favorites. Her mind wandered to all of her favorite places, most of which were ones that they had gone to together. Inspiration suddenly struck her. His words resounding in her head. "It's the best view I know of. Well...second to you that is."

That night when John skyped with her and asked her what she worked on that day she sent him a photo of her painting.

"Wow! It's gorgeous!"

"You're not just saying that are you?"

"Of course not. It looks just like the sunrise we saw at the vineyard."

"Our spot," she confirmed.

"That's right. Our spot." He remembered that day vividly and only wished they could have left the vineyard on better terms. John came to the conclusion he'd have to take her back there again sometime. Only this time when he would introduce her to everyone as his girlfriend it would be real. The prospect of having that honor filled his chest with glee and for the briefest of moments it was like she was back home with him.

* * *

The time apart was no easier for John. Their lives and experiences had been intertwined for so long that everywhere, and everything seemed to remind him of her. He would find himself in their favorite cafe and memories of her would come flooding back.

_He glimpsed up from his book and found himself smiling at her._

_She had been working on a charcoal drawing for sometime. Anna had been so deep in thought she almost hadn't heard him giggle from the other side of the table. Her eyes rose from the page to gaze back at him. "And what exactly is so funny, Mr. Bates?"_

_John chuckled slightly before motioning towards her mouth, "You have a bit of whip cream on your lip?"_

_"Do I? Anna asked as she began to wipe at the sides of her mouth with her fingertips. "All gone?"_

_He smiled boyishly at her and shook his head back and forth in a no motion. "Hold on," John said as he leaned forward. The pad of his thumb swept across the top of her lip and paused when it reached the corner of her mouth. "All better," he added with a wink._

The waitress at the cafe had become accustomed to seeing them there together. She greeted John like usual and took his order, but he he seemed lost and curiosity got the better of her. Once she collected his menu she asked, "Just you today?"

"Afraid so," he replied sadly.

"What happened to your lady friend?"

"She left," he responded simply.

"I'm sorry, hun," she responded in a motherly fashion. "You know what they say, it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

"Oh, no. She's in Paris for a study abroad program."

"Uh, the city of light. How romantic," she remarked. A free hand rested on her hip as she tucked her notepad into her apron. "Are you going to visit her?" she asked with genuine interest.

John smiled briefly, "I certainly hope so. But don't let me bother you with my troubles."

The waitress offered him a sympathetic smile and went about her business. He returned to reading his book, the subtle sound of dishes and silverware clattering in the background provided an easy rhythm to accompany his studies.

It was a few minutes later when the waitress returned with a cup of coffee for him and a warm brownie on a plate. "There's your usual, hun."

John's concentration was broken as the plate 'clacked' against the table. "Oh, I didn't order a brownie."

"I know. It's on the house. Nothing helps a broken heart quite like baked goods," she commented.

"Thanks."

She left to attend to other customers and when he looked out the window he noticed it was raining. Anna loved the rain. This kind of weather would usually result in her curling up beside him on his couch with a good book as she wore one of his beloved hoodies. She was practically swimming in them as his frame was much larger than her own. Her hair swept up haphazardly into a bun, with a few loose strands cascading around her face, framing it like a halo. Her yoga pants hugging her petite, but ample thighs. He sighed. There was no escaping her. These next few months were going to be harder than he expected.

John stared down at the chocolate goodie and found himself thinking of Anna. The brownies were her favorite. She'd always suggest they split one, but the majority of the time she ate the bulk of it. He'd find himself staring at her as lips, focused on the stray crumbs that had become affixed to the corner of her mouth. What he wouldn't give to be one of those delectable morsels, clinging to her lips in hope of being granted entry, only to be swept up by her tongue and enveloped in the warmth of her mouth. Oh god. He couldn't think like that right now. He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket and quickly fished it out.

**I miss you-A**

His heart ached for her. He let his eyes drift back to the brownie and picked it up before taking a large bite. It didn't taste the same without her. The chocolate treat settled in his belly, but he couldn't help the empty feeling that had taken over since she'd left. John replied to her text looking rather morose.

**I miss you more-J**

* * *

It had been a long day of exams and then John spent several hours doing research for a case that his internship had assigned him to work on. His brain was mush and he didn't much care if he never looked at another book or read a single sentence ever again. John walked into the door of his flat and slung his bag of books onto the countertop. He shrugged off his jacket and began undoing his tie. His phone rang and he smiled in anticipation. She knew him so well.

"Hey," he greeted, not sounding the least bit irritated after the day he'd endured.

"Did you make it home alright?"

"I did."

"How was your day?"

"It's been crazy, but I don't want to think about it right now," John brushed off. He opened the fridge and reached for a beer and used a bottle opener to remove the cap. "How are you?"

"I'm alright. Classes are going well. We'll be visiting the Louvre this week, they are opening a new exhibit and my professor knows one of the people on the restoration team, so we are getting a first look."

"Sounds exciting." John pulled out a box of leftover Chinese and smelled it to check if it was still good. He proceeded to put it on a plate and heat it in the microwave.

"I hear the microwave. Are you eating well?" she asked.

"Ya-yeah. I uh...just heating up some soup."

"Liar," she called his bluff.

"Don't you try scolding me, Anna May Smith. You haven't exactly been sticking to your promises either," he reprimanded her.

"Such as?" she responded.

"You've hardly left your dorm room unless you are going to class. You are supposed to be making memories for us. Remember?"

"I've been busy."

"Not that busy. Why don't you go out dancing with your girlfriends? Or walk along the River Seine?"

"I just haven't felt like it," she answered simply. "Besides I'm not particularly close with my roommate just yet." Anna stared at a photo of the two of them on her laptop screen from the wedding. It seemed like ages ago. These skype sessions and phone calls were helpful, but it wasn't the same.

The microwave beeped and John removed his food before settling down on the couch with his beer and flipping on the television.

"Any plans for the the night?" she asked.

"No. I'm spent. I think I'll try to catch the football highlights for the day, then head off to bed," he reported as he set his feet up on the coffee table and crossed his ankles. "You?"

"I should probably head to bed, but I haven't slept the same since London. I miss laying in your arms," she confessed.

"I can talk to you until you fall asleep," he suggested. John stifled a yawn with his fist. "It's not exactly the same, but it's the least I can do." He flipped the the channels looking for something to grab his interest.

"Only if you want to. If you'd rather go to sleep I completely understand."

"Oh my god, Anna!"

"What?" she looked around confused. Her voice had risen in pitch, "Are you alright?"

"You'll never guess what's on television right now?"

"Jesus, John. You scared the crap out of me."

"You didn't guess," he commented.

"I don't know," Anna said as she rubbed her temple with her forefinger.

"Oh come on. You have to know."

"Can I atleast get a hint?"

"I teased you mercilessly about this movie when you talked me into going to the theatre to see it because Gwen wasn't available."

"Oh not that one!"

"Yes! That one!"

"Hold on." Anna began fishing through her movie collection looking for the DVD case.

"What are you doing?"

"Hold on," she muttered. Anna hit the button on the remote control and the movie started. "What part are you on?"

"The part when he says 'I couldn't make up something like this if I tried'," John said in a slightly different voice.

"Uh, I hate when he says that. Absolute rubbish line," Anna said as she fast forwarded to the appropriate scene. She finally found the spot in the film he was referring to and hit play.

"I know it's like you do realize you are part of a made up story because you are a fictitious character. Right?" John picked up some chow mein with his fork and slurped up a noodle.

"I still remember how much that irritated you when we were in the theatre. You would not shut up. And then you proceeded to point out every other cliche moment in the film just to get my goat."

"Anna, I was forced to see that movie just because you liked the leading man. Let's be honest. This movie is crap."

"I hope you know you ruined this movie for me, John Bates. I can't ever watch it again without thinking of how much you criticized it and me for liking it."

"I think the word you are looking for is 'enhanced'. I enhanced this movie for you," he said.

The two of them laughed heartily. It felt good and refreshing to hear each other laughing over the phone. Anna stared wistfully at the photo on her laptop screen and gave voice to the question that had been rolling around in her brain since she left London. "John, do you ever think about that night at the wedding?"

He grew quiet set his beer down on the side table, sitting up at attention before answering her. "Of course I think about that night." There were evenings when he wouldn't sleep a wink because his recollection of that night would haunt him. The way she had looked, the way she had touched him and responded in kind to his own ministrations, and the way she had rejected him. He pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to block that memory from his brain.

"Do you ever think about what it might have been like if I hadn't stopped things?"

He didn't want to run the risk of sounding like sex was all he cared about. But if he were being perfectly honest, he thought about it more than he should. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen parts of her bare to him before, so it didn't take much for his imagination to run wild and piece together a scenario where the two of them took a tumble in bed. John cleared his throat realizing she was still waiting for an answer. "Yes."

"And…"

"And I understand why you wanted to stop."

She was quiet on the other end of the line, clearly waiting for him to say something more.

"I mean I would have loved for our night to progress, but I wouldn't have pressured you into doing something you weren't ready for," he clarified.

"I know you wouldn't have. That's why I initiated things," she reminded him.

John ran a hand through his hair nervously as he realized he was always placing her in the position to make a move because he was too worried about ruining the status quo. "Well, when I have you back in my arms I'll be sure to take some more initiative," he promised.

"Why wait?" she blurted out.

"What?" his eyes grew wide.

"Why wait until I'm back in your arms?"

His voice lowered even though he didn't have to worry about a roommate or anyone else walking through his flat. "Anna? What are you suggesting?"

"There are other ways we can engage in activities of that...um...nature," she said shyly.

He nearly spit out the beer that was in his mouth. John swallowed hard and tried to regain his composure. Christ. Was she for real? Was she implying what he thought she was? He couldn't possibly be so lucky to be with a woman that looked like Anna and have her be so vocal about her desires.

"John? Are you alright?" her sweet voice echoed across the line.

"Yeah. Are you? I mean, uh…" Oh Lord he was making a mess out of this. One implication of sex and he was falling apart at the seams. "You are talking about…"

"Phone sex," she filled in the blank.

Could the gods be so kind? He pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "Anna, we don't…"

"John. I know you are trying to do something gallant. I don't need you to protect me, least of all from yourself. If you try to tell me one more time about what we don't have to do I'm going to combust."

"Sorry. It's just, this isn't how I pictured our first encounter together."

"I understand, but I don't think I can wait another ten months for our first time together."

He wouldn't argue with her there, but they had waited long enough. He supposed a little longer wouldn't be so bad.

Anna said his name in an effort to bring his thoughts back to her, or at least to the conversation at hand. When he didn't respond immediately she began to back peddle, her confidence wavering. "It was just a thought."

"Hold on a second," he bit his bottom lip. He was biding his time as he gave her offer careful consideration. "I've never done this before."

"Well neither have I."

"I don't really know how to start."

Anna wasn't really sure either. A few ideas bounced around in her head before she spoke again. "Tell me what you pictured."

"What?"

"For our first time," she reiterated.

"Well, I thought I might take you to dinner first. Maybe go to a show or out to dance."

"Okay. Fast forward to the good stuff," she directed him.

He laughed slightly. "We would...wait why?"

Anna sounded like she was stifling a moan. "I'm going to relieve myself John. One way or another."

'She couldn't possibly be serious', he thought to himself. Surely she was playing with him, but just as he began to question her true intentions she spoke in a sultry voice.

"Talk to me, John," she instructed him with a soft, but demanding tone. "Tell me what you're doing. Tell me what you're wearing."

"I'm uh…" John muted the television. The phone was set to speaker phone and he placed it on the coffee table. He turned to the window with the shades still open, and even though his flat was not directly in anyone's eye line, he drew the shades.

"John, are you still there?"

"Ya-yeah. I'm just...getting ready," he said. His hands flailing at the inability to find the right words. He checked around the apartment as if someone might walk in at any moment, though he knew there was no risk of that. John made himself comfortable on the couch, or at least he tried to. This was a new experience, not only for he and Anna but for he and a woman in general. Such activities were something he normally performed in the privacy of his own room, not with someone expecting him to reciprocate on the other end of the phone. He was incredibly tense and sat up at attention. His fingers were laced together as his hands were folded awkwardly over his lap. In his head he told himself, 'This is Anna. She would never judge you. This doesn't have to be weird.'

"Are you ready?" she called out in a sing song voice. She was half teasing, but sounded absolutely delicious.

John gulped nervously. "I am," he responded in a voice that almost cracked.

"Good," she answered.

He could almost picture her satisfied grin through the phone. The one that Anna wore whenever she knew she had outsmarted him. "I'm…" he cleared his throat as his hand reached down nervously to undo his belt buckle. "I'm getting ready to take off my pants."

"Uh huh," she responded eagerly. "I'm going to need a little more detail, John."

"Oh, right," he stammered in frustration. "Well I just took off my belt and now I'm unzipping my pants." Dear God. Even listening to himself now he was kicking himself realizing that he wasn't making this sound seductive at all. The only thing working in his favor was that Anna probably hadn't had much experience with things of a sexual nature. Still he wanted to try this for her and for himself. He reached down with his hand and began rubbing himself over his underwear. John tried to close his eyes, tried to picture her and relax. "I'm rubbing myself now...and…uh...I'm sorry, Anna. I can't. I'm horrible at this. I can only imagine what this is like for you on the other end of the phone."

She giggled slightly. Not wanting to make him feel bad of course, but he had come across sounding a bit stiff. "It's quite alright. We don't have to if you don't want to."

"No, I do. I just wish I could do this with you in person. I feel so disconnected from you right now and this isn't how I pictured our first interaction."

"I know. Perhaps I should try taking over," Anna suggested.

John sighed in defeat. "Would you?" he said with a tinge of relief. He still felt guilty that he couldn't do this properly with her. Why did he have to be so damn noble? He should have acted on his impulse to spend one night with her before she left. Now he was doomed to live like a monk until she returned.

"Alright, I'm here in my dorm with a lovely view of the Eiffel Tower. Everything looks lovely outside, the city is so quiet and yet so full of life as I look outside from my spot on the bed."

'Ever the artist', he thought with a slight roll of the eyes. She was going to drive him to madness if she kept talking about scenery instead of what she looked like.

"I'm picturing you here with me."

"And what am I doing?"

"You just got done taking a shower and you are coming to slide into bed with me."

"That sounds lovely," he added. "And are you as naked as me in this imagining?"

"I am."

Sweet, merciful Jesus. His eyes were wide open now and his hand gripped himself harder than he intended as her words took him by surprise. He bit down on his lower lip, stifling a yelp. Was she aware how she was affecting him? The mynx.

"I've grown quite impatient waiting for you," she added

His hand reached out for his length once more and began stroking it through his pants. It didn't take long for him to respond, the tightness between his legs prompted him to remove his pants. "Sorry to have kept you waiting," he apologized.

"I would have waited a lifetime for you," she said. Her words rung true.

John vowed to himself then that he would never keep her waiting for as long as he lived. He was trying to do his part, "I'd brush your hair out of the way and place a kiss on your shoulder while my lips trailed up your neck."

"Mmmmmm," she moaned.

"Did you start without me?" he asked.

"I couldn't help myself," she replied. "I've longed for you for far too long."

He could hear some movement over the phone and found himself extremely aroused as he pictured her touching herself.

"Let me help you then," he encouraged.

"Come to have your way with me then, Mr. Bates?"

"Why not? In my imaginings we've already done this three times today," he teased.

"Getting a bit ahead of yourself there are you?" she shot back playfully.

"You'd like to think so. But when I get my hands on you Anna May Smith…" his voice trailed off and John let out a ragged breath. He removed his underwear and licked his palm as he set to work. John's hand ran from root to tip. The pressure fluctuating as he tried to picture Anna's naked form laying beside him in bed.

"Tell me," she ordered.

"I'd remove the sheets just enough to expose your breasts. My fingers would run along them gently causing them to harden. I'd take one between my lips and suck them gently."

"More."

"I'd lap at them with my tongue and cup the other with my hand, pinching it softly."

"Yessss," she hissed.

"My other hand would reach between your legs and feel how wet you are."

"Oh god, yes."

"I'd let my index finger tease at you, rubbing circles around you entrance and my thumb massaging your clit."

"Jesus, John!"

"What?" he asked in surprise.

"You've got me so damned wet right now," she admitted shamelessly.

He smirked in response. John was picking up the pace with his strokes. A small spurt of clear fluid had accumulated at his tip, he let his thumb trail there and felt himself shiver in response. He was already so sensitive and with every moan that came across the phone he was throbbing harder than before. She would be the death of him if this was the effect she had on him without even being present.

"My turn," she said.

Her words breaking him from thought. John felt his heart simultaneously stop and speed up with excitement. He could already feel the tightening in his lower half, like a pit in his stomach. He was so very close to his release.

"I'm climbing on top of you now, straddling your lap, grinding my hips against your pelvis."

"Anna. Christ." He choked out a groan. Oh what sweet pleasure it would bring him to have her doing just that to him right now. To feel her smooth legs pinned on either side of him, to be anchoring him in a temporary state of bliss, looking as divine as she knew she would as she bared her body and soul to him. Her hair framing her face flawlessly as it cascaded down her body and tickled his chest whenever she leaned forward to bestow a kiss upon his jawline. Her pert breasts moving in perfect harmony as she matched his motions, thrust for thrust. Their breaths falling into alignment as they clung to each other for dear life.

But his pleas for mercy were lost in the haze. John may as well have been speaking another language. Anna could feel the subtle thrum between her legs picking up with intensity. Her nerves were on fire as she touched herself in a way that she could only hope John would. No. In a way she knew he would. The benefit to knowing John so well inside and out over the course of their lives was that she knew what he was capable of. She knew how he treated her and what lengths he would go to for her. He had always been so gentle and patient with her, almost to a fault. His level of understanding knew no limits and she knew he would ensure that she experienced the magnitude of his love for her when they were finally together. As she pictured his roughened fingertips circling her most intimate parts, dipping into her warmth, and reading her every whimper like notes on a music sheet and found herself giving way to her greatest fantasy. It took over, wave after wave of pleasure, so much so that her legs trembled and her toes curled in response.

For a moment she didn't respond, he could only hear her pleasant mewls over the phone. "My darling, are you still with me?" he choked out.

"I am," she managed in between pants. "That was just...um...that was something unexpected." Anna let her hand rest against her forehead, she could feel the blood rushing through her ears and was sure she must look flushed. She still needed time to recover, but Anna knew she had to help him finish. "I'm aching for you, John."

Her words sent shivers up his spine. His hips twitching on their own accord and the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. Heaven above. Let him last long enough for her to finish speaking. His name like a prayer falling from her lips. "Don't stop," he begged. He didn't care how desperate it sounded. She was like oxygen to him. He had never wanted or needed her so badly. "Keep talking, please."

"Don't worry, love. I'm not leaving you. I have every intention of finishing what I started."

John's eyes rolled into the back of his head. He was harder than ever and the straining sensation was becoming too much for him to take.

"I'm going to kiss you now and run my fingers through your hair. Massage your scalp with my nimble fingers," Anna said with a smile.

He let out a muffled laugh.

She grinned in response, anticipating he would react just that way.

"And then?" he inquired with a gruff voice.

"Patience, Mr. Bates," Anna scolded playfully.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I just want you so badly."

"That's the point," she added. "Now I'm going to leave you wanting more." Anna paused for effect. She heard John's breath come to a halt. "I'd slide down the length of your body...until I was sitting between your knees."

"Anna?" This had to be a dream. She couldn't possibly be saying the things she was saying or heading in the direction he was thinking. Not his Anna. Not the young lady who had always been so shy and timid around him.

"You heard me right, John." A satisfied smirk emerged across her face as she tried to picture him in that moment hundreds of miles away. "I'd take you in hand and sink you into my mouth." Now Anna couldn't be quite sure she heard him correctly, but judging by his response she was certain she had taken him by surprised.

"Oh shit," he said between staggered breaths. His mind had already been working overtime imaging that, but hearing her say it was all the more erotic. A million and one thoughts of things to say were running through his head and due to the lack of blood flowing to his mind right now he wasn't quite sure what to say. "Anna, love...could I touch you? I mean, would you let me run my hands through your hair?"

"You can do anything you want, John." Anna was finding herself becoming aroused yet again as she thought of John gratifying himself right now to the image of her touching him in the most intimate of ways. She could only ever perform such acts or utter such sentiments over the phone with John. Years of practiced restraint had allowed them to become closer in other ways. There was no need to be nervous or embarrassed in front of someone who already knew all your most inner thoughts and secrets.

He hissed between gritted teeth. Everything she was saying and contemplating doing to him was pushing him to the brink. He was focusing harder than ever before. His hand moving faster now. With each stroke he imagined Anna moving her mouth up and down his shaft; her smooth, wet lips pressing firmly to his skin; and her teeth lightly grazing him as her head bobbed up and down. "I'm so close, sweetheart. What else?"

"I'd let my tongue tease you, moving around your tip until I fully tasted you."

Shit. It was happening. He wasn't ready yet. The all too familiar build up was starting. The primal urge to thrust himself inside her was taking over. He slowed his movements in hopes to prolong the inevitable end and see what else she would say. He always knew she could paint a picture, but good Lord. John thought he might actually be able to taste colors at this point. His mouth was going dry as his breathing became more labored.

"Then I'd kiss you down there slowly, before looking deep into your eyes." She'd always loved those eyes, they could be so mesmerizing and intoxicating.

Simultaneously he was picturing her blue ones staring back at him, darkened with desire for him and him alone.

"And I'd tell you to…"

"Tell me to what?" he asked with more than faint curiosity.

"Take me now. Make me yours, John."

That was it. Game over. The floodgates had opened. John came harder than he ever had. He grunted across the line, almost painfully so. "My God," he managed to say. He was utterly depleted and his pants were a mess, but the release had felt so good. It had been worth it. He let out a tired sigh and heard that nymph giggle from somewhere far away from here. "What's so funny?" he muttered.

"How was that?"

"You are a the devil, Anna May Bates," he teased. "You look like an angel, but you were sent here to test my resolve."

"Oh…" she played coy.

The saucy flirt. he could practically hear her smiling through the phone. "I'm here to tell you I have none when it comes to you. You are my weakness."

"Glad you can admit it now," she said.

"Can you just give me a minute? I need to clean up." John ran his clean hand through his hair and let out a woosh of air. He began looking around for a rag or tissue to tend to the mess he'd made. And ran into the other room to throw on a fresh pair of underpants. When he returned a while later he wasn't quite sure what to say.

"Hopefully that will tide you over until you're back in my arms," Anna said.

"You were always enough to tide me over, even without tonight. But that doesn't make me less grateful," John clarified.

"I miss you dreadfully."

"I miss you more. I meant what I said, you know. I was sorry to have kept you waiting so long. I won't have you in doubts of my feelings or intentions towards you ever again."

"I suspect you won't. But John it was worth it. You were worth it. And if tonight was any indication, it will only make our reunion all the sweeter when we get to experience each other properly for the first time."

That was an understatement. The two of them laughed and stayed on the line with one another until the rom-com on the television went to roll credits. They whispered 'I love yous' before succumbing to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N I apologize for the delay in returning to this story for updates. I have to thank you all for the lovely reviews so far. Thanks to my betas drstacib and A-Lady-To-Me for this chapter. Enjoy!**_

**_Chapter 11_**

"John, wake up."

He was sleeping soundly, or as soundly as one could on a pile of books while they were still dressed in their clothes and sleeping at the table. He was still half asleep and the vision of Anna walking towards him was enough to keep him in a sated state as he scrunched his eyes tighter.

"Johnny, wake up," the voice said. And then a hand gently shook his shoulder.

"Huh," he replied. John rubbed at his eyes. The light proving to bright of an opponent as he attempted to adjust. There was a crick in his neck from sleeping wrong and he wiped at small trail of drool just on the edge of his mouth. A cup of tea was set in front of him along with a plate of biscuits and he smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Aunt Tess."

"You're welcome. Must have been some dream," she commented.

"What makes you say that?"

"You were smiling the whole time and you kept mumbling in your sleep."

"Anything coherent?" he asked.

"Just the name, 'Anna'," she teased.

John groaned and rubbed his eyes as his face tinged pink with embarrassment.

"Sound familiar?"

"Yes. Of course," he responded.

"And where is the fair maiden of your dreams? I thought she would have come with you," his aunt responded as she milled about to cook him breakfast.

"She's in Paris."

"Oh how lovely. On vacation?"

He wished that were the case. "No, she went there for an internship. It was a wonderful opportunity, but she won't be back for eight more months."

"That must make things hard on your relationship."

John winced. Oh god, was it even worth explaining to her that they weren't in a relationship the last time Tess saw her? Was it even worth telling her of the status of their relationship now when they had never really had a chance to experience things together as a couple? Technically they had been together as a couple for two days. If he were to count her time in Paris, it as a little over three months. But maybe a relationship didn't have to really start the moment one made a declaration. It wasn't as if it were the 1920s where one would ask for permission to court someone. With Anna their love seemed to transcend time. If he were to truly look at their relationship from the time he first knew he loved her, well that was nearly fifteen years. How could he have been in her presence for that long and hadn't found the courage to tell her how he truly felt until two days before she left? He was a bloody idiot.

"I bet you miss her terribly," Tess said.

That was an understatement. He had thought school would have kept him more than preoccupied so that the idea of missing her would only pop into his head on occasion, but it seemed the harder he tried to push her from his thoughts the stronger the urge to be with her became. Anna was more than a passing thought. John looked up and realized his aunt was waiting for some sort details to explain Anna's absence and how her godson was holding up.

"I do. More than I can express."

She squeezed his shoulder gently, "Well they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder."

There was no denying that.

"Can you do me a favor?" she asked.

"Sure."

"The next time you choose to drop in on us in the middle of the night to make yourself at home can you call ahead? You scared the hell out of me," Tess said with a smile.

John chuckled, his voice still filled with sleep. He hadn't meant to startle her, but his apartment was looking rather gloomy without the occasional visit from Anna. Even though Robert did his best to cheer him up, the truth was he was just as infatuated with Cora as John was with Anna. Visits from his best mate were becoming few and far between, and though Cora did her best to include John, half the time he felt like a third wheel. No. This was home away from home. A good night's sleep here and a home cooked meal would perk him up.

"It's not everyday a handsome boy shows up sleeping at my kitchen table."

He blushed and gave off that winning smile as he laughed. "No problem."

"Go grab yourself a shower while I finish up breakfast for you. When you come down we'll eat and talk. And you'll tell me what's weighing so heavily on your mind, John Bates," she instructed.

"Yes, Ma'am," John said before he stopped to kiss her cheek.

* * *

John had barely gotten the first bite of eggs into his mouth when his aunt took a seat across from him and began eyeing him curiously, reminding him of his mother. He swallowed his bite and took a swig from his orange juice. "Can I help you?"

"I've known you since the day you were born John Bates and I know about your brooding. Now are you going to tell me what's been bothering you or am I going to have to pry it out of you?"

"Why would you think anything is wrong?"

"Because since your Mum died you have only come to visit this place at holidays, your cousin's wedding, and my birthday. We're a long way from Christmas, Beth isn't getting married again anytime soon, and I'm not getting any older."

John eyed her skeptically.

"Don't even try to argue with me about which one of those isn't true," she warned.

His hands rose up in defeat.

"Is it school?"

"No."

"You're not lying to me are you?" she inquired.

"I swear, I'm passing all my classes right now. It's just...I messed things up with Anna."

"I thought you said she was just in Paris for an internship," his aunt stated with an inquiring eye.

"She is…"

"And…"

"And the problem is I'm not."

"Oh John, it will pass quickly."

"I worry that our time apart will make her reconsider a relationship with me."

Tess offered him a sympathetic smile, her hand reaching for his instinctively to pat it softly.

"When she first left we were calling each other and texting one another nearly every hour that we were awake. Now…we can barely get more than a few words in each night before we both fall asleep. Our communications are becoming fewer and farther between. It's just" John's hands flailed as he tried to find a way to explain.

"Life has gotten in the way?"

"Yes."

"Well maybe you are due a visit," she suggested.

"The thing is, Anna finally is settling into her new life there. She's making friends and enjoying the nightlife. Those have never really been my strong suits. I can't help but wondering that even if I were there, where would I fit into that equation?"

"John you are talking as if you are unsure of Anna's feelings for you."

"Am I? I don't mean it to sound that way. I'm unsure that I am the man for her. We are so different sometimes."

"Well, they do say opposites attract."

John laughed slightly. "You sound like Anna."

"You don't strike me as the jealous type John. And anyone with eyes could tell that Anna has always been in love with you," she said.

John's eyes widened as if this were brand new information to him.

"Was it not obvious to you?"

"I knew we were close. I suppose I thought she could like me, but I never imagined we'd end up together," he responded. "And you're right I'm not normally jealous, but I worry that while we are apart she'll meet someone that has all the qualities I don't."

"The way you talk, you'd think this was a brand new relationship," she noted.

"Well…" John rubbed the back of his neck. He hadn't wanted her to find out like this, or rather not at all. But he supposed he would have to tell her sooner or later. "The thing is it is a new relationship."

"I don't understand," she began to say.

"I asked Anna to pretend to be with me when we came for Beth's wedding."

"John Patrick Bates," she announced with a disappointed tone.

His hand flew to cover his eyes. "Oh please don't use my full name, you know I can't stand that."

"You only can't stand it because you know it means you are in hot water with me."

"Isn't that obvious?"

"Sweetheart," she said turning to face him in her chair. "Why did you feel you needed to pretend to be with Anna?"

"I couldn't take another event where you and Aunt Miriam were throwing some single daughter of a friend at me."

"We only do that because we love you and want to see you happy," she reasoned.

"I know."

"John?"

"Hmmm."

"I've never seen you happier than when you are with Anna."

"Really?"

"Really."

John sipped at his glass of juice.

"Honestly, I don't know that there was much pretending going on."

"No. I suppose there wasn't. I think deep down when I asked her I hoped she would say yes to my idea so that I could see what it was like to be with her like that, even if it was only for a short time. I tried to deny it to myself. And I almost lost her because of it. We made amends before she left and we're together now."

"But you can't really have a relationship with someone when you are that far apart."

"Yes, that's it."

"Go to her then. Make sure you know where things stand, give your heart and mind some reassurance."

That was all John needed to hear.

"You're right," he smiled at his aunt, stood and kissed her cheek.

"Where are you going, lad?" She called after him as he left the room with a fresh spring in his step.

"To buy my ticket to Paris."

* * *

"John, hold on you are talking too fast and the connection is cutting in and out." Anna held the mobile phone closer to her ear and placed her finger in the other one as she concentrated to hear him more clearly. Anna excused herself from her friends as she stepped outside of the cafe they were in. "Okay I can hear you better now. Try again."

"I'm coming to Paris!" He proclaimed excitedly over the phone, John only wished he could see the look on her face right now.

"What? I'm not sure I heard you correctly," she was straining her ears now. Anna thought she'd heard him say he was coming, but that couldn't be right. John wouldn't just impulsively buy a ticket and plan a trip to Paris when he was so busy with school and his internship.

"There's a flight leaving next week and I can make it if I skip my class on Friday. We'd have four days together. How does that sound?"

"I..uh…"

"Do you not want me to come?" he asked sounding hurt.

"Of course I want you to come, it's just I hadn't expected you to plan something so soon."

"I wanted to surprise you."

"I'm surprised. It's just so unlike you. What's gotten into you?"

"I miss you is all."

Her heart melted at that. "I miss you too."

"Please say you are free, I'm dying to see you."

"I have to attend a class on Saturday afternoon and a museum tour on Sunday. But you can come along on the tour and I'm free the rest of the time."

"Excellent!"

"But John your class," she was quick to point out. Anna was well aware of his schedule now.

"I don't care about my class."

"That's not true and you know it," she scolded him playfully.

"I can make up the assignments later," he shot back.

"Only if you are sure," she relented. "I just hate to think of you falling behind or being stressed on my account."

"Seeing you would do my heart a world of good. I will be the exact opposite of stressed."

"I can't believe this is happening. I know we spoke of a visit some time ago, but I didn't think it would be this soon."

"I get paid in two days. I'll buy the ticket then."

"I can hardly wait. I love you, John."

"I love you, too. Just think, in a few short days I'll be back in your arms again."

"It is a lovely thought."

"Anna, we're going to miss our class!" A voice rang out in the background.

"John, that's one of my classmates. I have to go. I'll try to call you later."

"Of course. Take care."

* * *

"You seem to be in high spirits," Robert observed as John put away some items on the shelf of the book store he worked at. In exchange for managing the shop over the weekends his rent was reduced for the flat upstairs.

"I am. I have plans to see Anna this weekend."

"That's rather sudden," Robert chimed in as he handed a stack of books to John.

John was balancing on a ladder as he took the pile and placed the books back in order. "It is but, I've been working night and day at my internship the last three months and there's finally a lull. My classes aren't so difficult that I can't skip a day and I was supposed to be off from the bookshop this weekend. I don't see too many opportunities to take off for a trip to France for the next few months."

"I still don't know how you juggle school, a job, and an internship."

"Well some of us don't have their family's money to fall back on."

"True, but your aunt has money."

"I couldn't take it from her. It wouldn't be right."

"What about your inheritance from your mother?" Robert asked.

"Most of that went to pay her medical bills. The rest went towards books and tuition the first year. I still have the house, I'm renting it out for some extra cash."

"Not ready to sell it yet?" Robert treaded lightly on the subject of John's mother.

"No. It's too soon."

"I understand. At least the internship is paid and now you've got the girl. I'm happy for you both."

"Thanks," John replied with a smile as he dismounted from the ladder.

"Have any plans yet for how you will be spending your weekend with Anna?"

"I haven't really had a chance to think about it," John lied while rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

* * *

He would be here in just a few short days and it was all Anna could think about as she worked on one of her latest pieces. She was equally nervous and excited as he would be staying with her, in the same room, and the same bed. This time there was nothing to stop them from being together.

Her mind was replaying the conversation they had over the phone. He had sounded so enthusiastic, unlike any other time they had ever spoken. It was different, but in a good way. She made a mental note to stop off at one of the shops along the way to pick up something special to wear for when she picked him up at the airport and perhaps something more for their evening together. She knew of a lovely little lingerie shop a few blocks away from the bus stop. She was sure she was turning red just thinking about all the things she wanted to do with John.

She tried to divert her thoughts to other plans for their weekend. Anna had never been much of a cook but she wanted to at least try to make something herself for them to eat. A stop at the grocery store would be in order as well, thank goodness she already knew what kind of food he liked. Years of friendship had taken most of the guesswork out of their relationship, but as nervous as she was she was glad for that.

* * *

Anna stood outside of the lingerie shop and shifted nervously from foot to foot as she stared at one of the garments in the window display. Maybe this was too much, she thought to herself. If she bought something like this, he might think she was planning on them having sex. She ventured a guess he was thinking the same thing too, but it was different for a man. They really only had to plan on bringing protection and since he was coming all this way to visit her, the ball was sort of in her court to make the rest of the arrangements. She'd have to clean the apartment a bit and made a mental note to get some candles.

After taking a deep breath, Anna finally stepped inside of the shop before she lost her nerve. Even though John had seen her a million times before, she wanted to make sure she was wearing something he hadn't seen on her. He was her first and she wanted to make sure it was special, she needed John to know this was all for him. Anna wasn't naive, she was sure he had been with others before her and this would just ensure she stood out from the rest.

She eyed the garments cautiously, a bit intimidated by the way some of them looked as she tried to mentally figure out how to get them on and off.

"Can I help you, mademoiselle?" A male voice asked from behind her.

"Um, is there a lady...I can speak to?" Anna inquired.

"Un instant s'il vous plaît," he replied and shuffled off to the back of the store.

Anna let out a sigh of relief when a mousy, brunette appeared from the stockroom. This was her first time making a purchase of this nature and she wasn't exactly thrilled about sharing that with a man. No. This sort of thing needed a woman's touch. "Parlez-vous Anglais?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"Oui, I speak English," the woman replied with a hint of a french accent.

"Oh thank God. I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to explain what I was looking for in French," Anna commented.

"Let me guess, this is your first time purchasing lingerie?"

"Is it that obvious?" she responded. Her fingers fiddled nervously with the hem of her sleeve.

"Don't worry my dear. All my customers leave very satisfied with their purchases. You are in good hands with Madame Chantelle. Somewhere in this store we will find your courage," Chantelle said with a smile. Without giving Anna a chance to change her mind she ushered her over to the selections behind the counter.

* * *

John had just begun to look through flights and prepare to buy his ticket when an email from one of his professors popped up on his screen. An opportunity had been presented to him as he was earning the highest marks in the class. A chance to work on a high profile murder case that would ensure him a seat with one of the most prestigious law firms following his graduation if everything turned out well. John had until the end of the week to give them an answer, but if he accepted he would miss out on his chance to see Anna and the next few weeks, possibly months, would be wrapped up in this case. There was no question where his heart lay but his head was a different story. This was a once in a lifetime chance that would ensure his future was well taken care of. It also meant that if things continued to go well for he and Anna, he would be able to provide her a comfortable life.

He gave the matter some serious consideration before realizing it was about that time for their nightly phone call. With a heavy heart John dialed her number.

"There you are," she greeted him cheerfully.

"Here I am," he replied trying to hide the sadness in his voice.

"I thought you only had to work at the bookshop today."

"I did."

"I tried to call this afternoon...you usually pick up when you are working there." That should have been her first sign.

He knew she called. John knew all too well. He had stared at the phone and ignored it as it rang. It wasn't as if he wanted to, in truth John wasn't quite sure what to do or how he would break the news to her after he had already gotten her hopes up. Just picturing the look of disappointment on Anna's face right now was breaking his heart.

"Yeah, I just had a lot to take care of today."

"Of course. How stupid of me. I figured you had to wrap up some stuff before you came out for your visit this weekend. Is everything all set?" she asked with a lightness to her tone he hadn't heard in weeks.

"What's that?"

"Are you all set to come?" she asked. John was about to answer but Anna began chattering away. "I just got back from the grocery store. I got all your favorite foods. I even got the ingredients to make your Mum's chocolate biscuits."

"You did?" John's eyebrows raised in surprised. "How?"

"I called Tess and asked her," she answered back easily.

In his whole life no girl had ever made such a grand gesture. His voice was laced with emotion when he replied, "That was sweet of you. You didn't have to do that."

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to."

"I can't wait to try them, I'm sure they'll be just as great as Mum's." He said with a weak smile. It was like swallowing a big pill and it settled in the pit of his stomach with a thud.

"I'll try not to eat them all before you get here," she teased. Anna waited for him to laugh but was only met with silence. That should have been her second sign. It had registered with her, but she had assumed he was so preoccupied with running errands before his trip. "I need to give this place a proper cleaning before you get here. What time does your flight come in?"

"Anna…" he stopped her before she went any further. John wouldn't allow her to make anymore plans for a weekend that would never come to pass. At least not yet.

"What is it, John?" Her voice echoed across the line. "Something happened didn't it?"

John ran a hand through his hair anxiously as he tried to calculate some way to soften the blow. "The thing is Professor Carson gave me a call and he recommended me to be part of a team overseeing a murder trial over the next couple months. If we win this case it can mean a guaranteed position at one of the top law firms in London. And I just..." His eyes drifted towards the ceiling as if he were looking for an answer to fall from the sky.

This all sounded well and good but he wouldn't have sounded so upset about it unless this had somehow hindered his plans. "You can't come can you?"

"No. I'm…"

"Don't. Don't say it. I know you mean it from the bottom of your heart, but I don't want you to be sorry about this, John Bates."

"But…"

"Mister Bates," she addressed him in a way that attempted to recapture her playful lilt from earlier. "You have worked harder than anyone I know to get to where you are. No one deserves this more than you. You wouldn't let me throw away a golden opportunity and I won't let you do it either." She wiped the tears from her eyes, feeling further away from John than she ever had.

"You're sure?" he asked.

She had to be strong. Anna knew if she gave any indication that she was unsure he would have dropped everything to be there with her. "Absolutely. I'll be fine. I'm fine," she reaffirmed.

"I'll miss you."

"I should hope so," she fired back.

They both shared a laugh.

"I'll make it up to you," he promised.

"I know you will. Just make it count."


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N I appreciate you all for sticking with this story, I know right now it's hard to stick with it as our favorite couple is apart but that will be coming to an end soon. I just wanted to sort of mimic the frustrations Anna and John were experiencing when they were kept apart in series 2 and 3. I haven't forgotten about Anna's past as some guest reviewers have pointed out. I would reply back if it were possible, but this will be tackled eventually. Thanks to forgoodandproper, drstacib, and a-lady-to-me for being my betas on this one and giving me ideas/feedback. I hope you all enjoy and please review!**_

**_Chapter 12_**

John exited the law offices where they had been working all day and night on putting their case together. He rubbed at his eyes tiredly, glancing at his watch. Some quick mental math told him that by the time he made it back to his flat he'd have only three hours to sleep before he had to wake up for his class. He could get four hours sleep if he skipped breakfast and a shower. John pulled at the collar of his shirt to take a whiff of himself and shook his head in disgust, there was no way he could skip a shower. His stomach grumbled loudly and he rubbed at it lightly. It looked like it was only going to be three hours of sleep tonight, unless he skipped class altogether. He yawned as he made his way to the bus stop.

Now that he was able, John pulled his phone from his pocket and checked his missed calls and text messages. Sure enough there was one from his Aunt Tess.

_You haven't checked in with me for over a week. Just making sure you are eating well and getting some sleep. Call me when you get a chance._

John muttered to himself. He had meant to call her two days ago and forgot the minute he walked into the door of his flat. He'd call her in the morning. For now he continued to scroll through his messages. A message from his Aunt Miriam.

_Your Aunt Tess says she never hears from you anymore. Call one of us or I'm sending out a search party. We love you._

He groaned. John guessed he had been a bit absent lately. He set an alarm on his phone to remind him to call or text them after his class. There was a text from Robert too.

_I wanted to tell you in person, but since I don't seem to see you much anymore...Surprise! Cora and I engaged! So now that I got that important question out of the way, I was wondering if you'd want to be my best man? We all need to do dinner and drinks soon. _

John felt like an ass. He hadn't even been available to congratulate his best mate in person. He wasn't even sure when he would be free again to do dinner and drinks. At the very least he'd have to call Robert to properly congratulate him and Cora.

He seemed to be letting everyone down lately, most of all Anna. The two of them hadn't spoken to each other for nearly six days which was the longest they had gone without talking since their fallout. It hadn't even been a long phone call, just a quick check up as he headed into court and she was off to her job. They were like ships passing in the night. Usually she left him a string of text messages to cheer him up but instead today he saw there were none, only a voicemail that had yet to be listened to. He clicked the icon on the phone and waited for the message to begin.

"Hi love," her voice attempted to sound excited, but John could detect the disappointment in her voice when he didn't answer the phone. "I was hoping to catch you since we haven't spoken much this week. I know you are busy, I just needed to hear your voice was all. I miss you madly. I hope your case is going well. I'm going out with some friends tonight but I'll have my phone on. I love you."

As he waited for the bus he played back the message once more just to hear her voice. If John closed his eyes he could almost picture her standing right beside him. It was going on two in the morning, she was probably fast asleep by now. He wondered if he should wait to call so as not to disturb her. After a few moments of debating he gave in and dialed in hopes that she was awake or dealing with insomnia like he so often did. The phone rang once. Twice. A third ring called out before it went to voicemail. John knew it was a long shot but that didn't seem to stop the ache in his heart. Instead he mustered up what little energy he had left in him to leave her a message worth listening to.

"Hello my darling. I'm so sorry to have missed your call. I'm just getting out of the law office after a long day in court, and about to head back home for some sleep before class." He must sound like a broken record now. There was never anything new to share. He ate, slept, studied, and worked. And every message seemed to be filled with apologies for missing her call or text. Without his permission the words began to flow from him on their own accord. A confession he'd been longing to let out. "Sometimes I have to wonder what I'm doing here. I feel out of my element, like I'm not performing to standards. I can't actually argue anything in court yet, I'm just doing research and preparing casework. My day is spent in a courtroom watching others do what I want to do, and I should be happy about it. But I'm not. I miss you too much. I wish I'd just passed on this chance and gone off to see you." He didn't want to seem ungrateful for the opportunity this case was offering him, but he was homesick for her. Not wanting to bring the mood down completely he tried perking up a bit. "I hope you had fun tonight with your friends. I wish I could have been there." He actually did. John would have danced a thousand dances if it meant he could be with her right now. "I love you, Anna. Sweet dreams."

John hung up the phone just as his bus arrived. Crushed that he hadn't been able to speak to her. Unbeknownst to him, in her flat in Paris, Anna was wide awake and painting. Her phone vibrated to indicate she had missed a call and received a message, but it had gone unnoticed. Anna had left her ear buds on to keep from waking the neighbors as she worked late into the night.

* * *

She had been churning out one art piece after another; Anna had thrown herself into her work in John's absence. The tone set by her work had changed considerably and it had not gone unnoticed by her teacher. It had appeared to have taken on a sad and lonely mood, very moving of course, but she worried about the young girl. If Mrs. Hughes was honest with herself she wasn't sure Anna would last long in the program when she had seen how homesick the young woman was at first. Now she seemed to be finding herself and setting herself apart from the rest. Still she was concerned, having seen a bit of herself in the girl, that Anna would end up being so consumed with her work that she wouldn't allow herself the chance to experience all Paris had to offer. Mrs. Hughes pulled her aside to speak with her. "Anna, when you get a moment would you mind coming into my office?"

Anna reluctantly set her paint brush down, but she had come to love and respect her teacher. Their occasional conversations over a glass of wine at the end of an evening had become one of the many highlights since her move to Paris. She was learning so much from the teacher whom Anna was certain could have been a great artist, but had turned down the opportunity to pursue her own career as an artist in favor of marrying young to a man named Joe Burns. The marriage ultimately failed after a few years, but by then Mrs. Hughes had convinced herself she had missed the boat and would best be of service teaching others.

Mrs. Hughes gestured for her to take a seat in the chair across from her. "Anna, how are you today?"

"Fine," Anna answered back with a tone of curiosity. This was a question that could have been just as easily asked out in the open of the classroom and instead she had Anna close the door before entering.

"You've been here half a year now, how are you enjoying the program?"

"I love it."

"Do you really?"

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"It's just you don't seem very happy here, at least not as happy as you could be."

Anna knew Mrs. Hughes was speaking the truth, and sometimes she felt guilty knowing that most people would give anything to be in the her position.

"I'm trying to enjoy myself here. I'm just having trouble adjusting. I miss my friends."

"Mmmm yes, one in particular I would imagine," the older woman said with a sympathetic smile.

Anna blushed at the suggestion, but she could hide her true feelings from Mrs. Hughes. "I never realized how big of a role John played in my life until he wasn't here to fill it everyday. He was supposed to visit me a few weeks ago, but life got in the way. And now I find myself counting the days until this year is over."

"I know what you mean...I had that kind of love once before. But you can't make that man be the center of your world. It's a dark and lonely existence when the sun in your life isn't there to brighten your days."

Anna knew what her professor was trying to tell her and she saw reason in it. But it didn't stop her from yearning for John.

"Anna I brought you in here to ask how you would feel about extending your stay with the school here?"

"What?"

"You've shown great promise and one of the museums has asked me to be a curator for them. It's a big job to take on and I would like an assistant. I thought you might be interested as the job would allow you to continue your studies and work here in your free time."

Anna was floored by the proposal.

"I don't need an answer right away, but I would need a commitment from you. Something like this would would allow you to travel with me to obtain other pieces and meet with world renowned artists. You could see the world."

"Wow! I...um...I'd have to think about it. I had always seen myself returning to London when I finished here."

"I figured as much. And I won't push you in one direction or the other. But you shouldn't have to give up a piece of yourself for a man," Mrs. Hughes stated.

Anna looked away from her professor and stared down at her hands as she fidgeted anxiously. She had never considered it as giving up a piece of herself to be with John, in fact Anna was certain that would be the last thing John would ever want for her. But that didn't mean she couldn't miss him, perhaps she could convince him to move to Paris with her when he finished his courses this semester. It wasn't as if there weren't law schools in Paris.

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes. I promise to give it serious consideration."

* * *

For the rest of the day Anna couldn't seem to concentrate on her work, she was torn. Her priorities had shifted when she and John had decided to be in a relationship together and Anna knew it was still too early to say, but she couldn't see her life with anyone else. She was certain it would always be the two of them. Passing up the opportunity wouldn't necessarily mean she was giving up a part of herself for John, other chances would come along. And she had no plans of giving up on honing her craft. She shook her head as she walked up the stairs to her flat. It may not have been Mrs. Hughes intention, but she had planted a seed of doubt in her head and that didn't sit well with her. Anna just wished there was a sign, a sign that she was heading in the right direction. She rubbed at her temple, Anna could feel a headache settling in.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket and pulled her from her thoughts. Anna fished it out and answered it. "Hello."

"Hi sweetheart," John's voice spoke across the line. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she answered him. Normally he was the first one she would vent to, but Anna needed to make this decision on her own without having his input.

"You sound frustrated."

"I am a bit," she sighed audibly.

"Can I help?"

Anna appreciated the gesture, just hearing his voice right now was calming her down. "No, but thank you for asking. My head is just feeling a little...cluttered. I can't wait to get into my flat and take a bath, that usually clears my head."

"That sounds nice. Are you on your way home now?"

"I'm nearly there. Just climbing the last flight of stairs," Anna said as she breathed heavily. "I swear I live in the only building with five floors that has no elevator," she moaned. "Why do you ask?"

"You'll see," he said with a mischievous tone.

"What are you up to?" Anna asked with a hint of excitement. She knew he couldn't be coming to Paris as he was still in the middle of his case, but if there was one thing she knew for certain was that John went all out when it came to surprises.

"Nothing."

"You're bluffing, Bates."

He laughed heartily from the other end of the phone.

It brought a smile to her face as she tried to anticipate what it was he had done to brighten her day. Anna reached the landing of her floor and found a rather large package waiting for her outside of her apartment door. She bent down to pick it up, while balancing her phone between her shoulder and ear. Anna let herself into the apartment before chucking her bag across the room and onto her futon. The address was written in his hand, she would have recognized it anywhere and greedily dug into the box.

Anna placed the phone on loudspeaker so she could continue to talk with him while tearing the tape off of the box. "What is it?" she asked like an eager child.

"There's only one way to find out."

When Anna removed the last of the tape before unveiling the first of the many items she found stuffed in the box. "You sent me a hoodie," she announced.

"But not just any hoodie. It's my hoodie. The one you were always borrowing from me," he teased.

Anna could smell the all too familiar scent of John's cologne on it. She let out a satisfied moan. "It smells like you."

"Yeah, I know what my lady likes," he boasted playfully. "Hopefully it will last until I can get back to you and wrap you in my arms myself. Until then you'll have to settle for being wrapped in my hoodie."

"I love it," she gushed before throwing the sweater on over her own clothing. "You sent me biscuits from Tesco and mint tea." Anna cracked into the metal tin and began munching on her favorite chocolate biscuits. "You're a godsend. I could kiss you right now."

"I know it's not much, but I felt bad that I had to cancel my last trip and I wanted you to know you are the first and last thing I think about every morning and night," he said sweetly.

If she had ever wanted a sign she couldn't have asked for a clearer one.

"There should be one more thing in there."

Anna rummaged through the packing peanuts and found a stuffed bear. "It's so sweet and cuddly...like you."

"Well he can keep you company until I arrive."

"Then I shall cherish him always."

"Words cannot express how utterly sorry I am for not being here for you enough. This is just a small way of expressing my gratitude for you always being so patient and supportive with me. I'm the luckiest man in the world for having a lovely woman like you to call my own. I know you didn't want to tell me what has you so flustered, but I hope this was able to cheer you up and put your mind at ease, if only temporarily. "

"It has. Truly. And I love you madly for it."

"I should hope so."

They shared a small laugh together and continues to chat for a bit. Their phone call ended too quickly for her liking. It usually did, but she knew it wasn't the way he would have had it if he were given the choice. They exchanged 'goodbyes' and 'I love yous' more than once, neither of them quite ready to hang up with the other. That night Anna slept a little more soundly with John's hoodie and her new teddy bear to keep her company.

* * *

Their time apart only made their hearts grow fonder, and when they could steal away for a moment to converse over the phone they would paint a picture for one another of what their future together would hold. John's case was coming to an end and he was hopeful that a trip to visit Anna was on the horizon, but he didn't want to get her hopes up like last time. The two of them made every effort to assure the other that they were still the most important people in one another's lives.

The morning of his trial, John was fighting a nervous stomach and fiddled with his hair in the reflection of the mirror. He couldn't seem to get his tie quite the way he wanted it and had hardly slept the night before, worried he would forget something or would wake up late. His laptop indicated he had a skype call coming in. He tucked his shirt into his pants as he crossed over to answer it. It came as no surprise that the icon on the screen was one of Anna, it was as if she had been reading his thoughts. John tapped on the mouse and greeted her warmly, "Good morning."

"Oh good, I thought I had missed you. I wanted to catch you before you left," she said with a smile. Anna was practically beaming as she gave him the once over, not only was she proud of him for reaching this point in his internship but it meant they were one step closer to him coming to Paris. "Don't you look handsome today."

John raised his arms to demonstrate his outfit. "You don't think my tie looks crooked?"

"No. It looks great. Oh but, hmm, I'm not sure about those trousers."

"Really?"

"Give me a spin," she instructed with a wave of her finger.

John spun around for her.

"Wait, yeah, the trousers are a problem."

"They are? What's wrong with them?" John asked as he looked down at this trousers.

"You're still wearing them," she said with an impish grin.

"Wha-. Oh you're good you," he replied with a chuckle and smile.

"Good. We got you laughing. You look incredible and I'm sure you'll do great today."

"I don't even think I'll get a chance to speak in court, but I have to look the part just in case," he reminded her.

"Best of luck today counselor. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you."

"You're the best, you know."

"I try. I need to get going to the museum, their opening a new exhibit and Elsie is taking me to look at a private collection."

"Great! Have fun."

"Keep me updated."

"You know I will." Before logging off he blew a kiss to her and she returned the gesture.

* * *

Anna walked around the Louvre getting lost in the creations that she had always dreamed of seeing. Artworks she had always aspired to be able to replicate. She took a seat at one of the benches that was set across from Claude Monet's Water Lilies series. Her imagination was lost in every individual brush stroke and color. Anna let her eyes close and tried to picture what it might be like to have John sitting with her right now. Her thoughts travelled back to a conversation they had a few months before she left, when they had been on the balcony at his aunt's winery. She was reminded of how he told her one day people would be paying to see her artwork here. And it hit her that she couldn't possibly stay in Paris without John. Not when he had always been her biggest supporter and encouraged her to take this opportunity in the first place.

Anna's phone buzzed and she saw John's name appear across the screen. Her face lit up instantly at the prospect of talking to him. "You must have been reading my mind." It shouldn't have come as a surprise; he'd always been able to. Perhaps it was the fact that they had been out of touch with one another for so long in a physical capacity, she would have thought that ability would have worn off.

"Did I?"

"Mhmm, I was just thinking about you."

"Good things I hope," he replied.

"Always," she responded.

"Are you at the Louvre yet?"

"I am."

"Enjoying yourself?"

"I am. Yes. Though I wish you were here to experience it with me."

"Soon my darling."

She knew he meant it. Anna had no reason to doubt his words. A lifetime of loving him had proven that.

"John, I know you can't be here with me right now, but do you ever think you could be?" she asked him softly.

"You know I'm going to come out to visit you as soon as this case is wrapped up."

"I don't mean that, I mean permanently. I can see a life for me here...for us. But I don't know that I could do it without you."

"I'll go wherever you go," he answered honestly. "If it's what you want."

"But is it what you want? I'm not going to make you go somewhere that you aren't happy."

"Don't you see? You are my happy place."

Anna smiled at his comment. She had never felt luckier to be able to call him her own.

"What's brought all this on?"

Anna chewed her lip nervously as she debated telling John about the offer she received from Mrs. Hughes. She eventually came to the conclusion she had to tell him. Anna couldn't keep this from him any longer. Even if their future wasn't in France, their future was together. Whatever decision she made, it had to be with him. "Mrs. Hughes would like me to stay on as a curator's assistant with the museum."

"Oh."

"She says I've shown real promise. The position would allow me to travel and I would get to work with some of the greatest artists out there right now."

John waited silently for her to finish, but when she did he still was at a loss for words. The countdown to her return to London might be extended.

"John, are you still there?"

"Is that what you've been brooding about?"

"Yes," she admitted. A weight was lifted off her shoulder now that everything was out in the open.

"Sweetheart, why wouldn't you feel that you could talk to me about this?"

"I wasn't sure how you would react," she answered back.

"Anna, I may not have wanted you to leave, but that doesn't mean I want you to stop living your life because of me. We've made it this far without being together, a little longer won't kill us. And I can come join you as soon as this semester is finished up."

"I love you, you know."

"I do. Now do you feel better?"

Anna didn't answer him as she processed everything he just said. John was giving her the green light and yet she still felt uneasy about the matter. Maybe her feelings for John weren't the only thing holding her back. "What if I'm not good enough?"

"Is that what you think?"

"I'm out of my league, John."

"I don't think Mrs. Hughes would have selected you if she thought she could do better. You're the best."

"You're biased."

"Maybe so...oh hold on…"

Anna waited for John to return and her phone buzzed to indicated she got a new text message.

"Ok I'm back."

"Hold on I just got a text." Anna switched to the main screen on the phone. "I got a message from you."

"Well, you probably shouldn't keep me waiting. I can be quite impatient," he teased her.

Anna downloaded the image in the text and was staring at one of her own paintings she had done years ago that she had given to John. "I don't understand."

"You are looking at one of the greatest paintings by one of the most incredible artists I know."

"Who says it's the greatest?"

"It's on display in the Louvre right now isn't it?"

"Wha-" Anna desperately searched for a way to argue her point, but she simply couldn't.

"Anna, you need to give this a go and prove to yourself what I have always known. You are marvellous. If France can't see how lucky they are to have you, screw them and we come back to London."

"We?"

"Yes, we. You're crazy if you think I'm going to let you stay there for another year without me."

"You mean it?"

"I promise. I tell you what after this case is all done, the first thing we do after you've had your way with me…" He could tell she was smiling on the other end of the phone. "We make plans for my move to Paris."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Which one?"

"What do you think?" she said in a sultry voice.

John felt his face heat at her tone. Unable to wipe the smile from his face, he simply shook his head and laughed. "You naughty girl."

"Soon you'll find out just how naughty I can be." Anna replied.

"I can't wait."


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N: Apologies for making you all wait so long for an update. It's been hard to find time to write as of late. I realize there isn't as much of Anna in this chapter as there normally is, but I promise she'll be making a return in the next chapter. A big thanks to a-lady-to-me, drstacib, and sillybeggar for their feedback on this one. I hope you all enjoy and please review.**_

**Chapter 13**

The day had finally arrived. The end of the murder trial John had been working on was within sight. A ruling was to be given today, and while John was hopeful for a win, in reality all he wanted was to be done with it so he could see about booking the first flight out to see Anna. He realized now that with or without the job offer all he needed was her to be happy. John didn't care if that meant never working in the legal system ever again, he'd find a way to provide for her and make her happy. In the back of his mind though, he knew she was right, he had to stick it out to make a go of this and at least have the experience on his record. She had always had his best interest at heart and that did not go unnoticed by John. He knew it was probably too early to make such decisions, but given the history shared between them it didn't seem too far fetched for him to already be considering marriage with her. Of course he wouldn't ask her now, but John had no intentions of letting her go and had plans to eventually make her his wife, if she'd have him of course.

He went through the motions of getting ready that morning as if on autopilot. Time was moving slower than he would have liked and he just needed this day to be over. John fixed his hair and felt his phone vibrate in the pocket of his suit jacket. He fished it out quickly, knowing his time with her was limited, but it would only be for a few hours more. His face lit up at the prospect of speaking to her. "Hi sweetheart," John responded as soon as he answered the phone.

"Hello. I know you don't have much time and that today is a big day for you. I just wanted to wish you luck and tell you how proud I am of you for seeing this through." She was just as eager for this case to be all said and done, but she would never deny him such an opportunity simply so he could be with her sooner. Anna wouldn't allow herself to have John Bates that way. "I love you, John. With all my heart, I love you. I just wanted to make sure I told you that. I know this hasn't been easy, being apart...but we are going to be together. I'm waiting for you. I'd wait for you longer still." God she was rambling and he must be thinking the worst right now with the way she was talking.

John supposed he had always known what Anna was now saying. Still, something about the way she had said it took him aback. He had been holding it together for so long, and for the first time in weeks John was near tears at hearing her profess her love for him like that. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but John didn't need to be without Anna to know what he was missing. He was beyond fond of her. He was a man in love, and always had been as far as Anna was concerned. It had just taken his head longer to realize it than it had taken his heart. "Oh my darling, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this right now. Not that I ever doubted…" he pinched the bridge of his nose to keep himself from crying. "I'm not going to keep you waiting any longer. I can promise you that."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Mr. Bates."

"I'm not. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. You are the one constant in my life, nothing will ever change that."

"John, I've waited so long to hear you say those words." Now it was her turn to get emotional. "I guess it's just after all those years of being friends...I just never thought you noticed me."

"How could you think that?" John asked seriously. He was met by silence and then John realized how long it took him to admit to his feelings to Anna and tell her aloud how he truly felt. "I'm a fool for taking so long to tell you how I felt."

"I took just as long as you did."

The two of them were silently reprimanding themselves for not acting on their feelings sooner.

"I meant what I said. You'll always have me."

"I know you did. Silly beggar." There was still so much more to be said and worked out between them, but it would have to wait until they were together. "Now, go win your case. I want to hear all about it when you get a chance to call me."

"I don't care about the win, not really anyway."

"That's not true," she countered. "You shouldn't say such things."

"It is. I only care about you," he said sweetly. He was conflicted, his love for her had a greater pull on him than his dreams of being a lawyer. It wasn't that he didn't care about the case, of course he did, he was part of the prosecution and John didn't want to let a guilty man go free. He had put everything he had into that case to secure a position for himself, but it only seemed to be taking him further away from Anna. And that was the last thing he wanted.

Even though John had told her that he would be willing to move to Paris after the case was finished, he suspected she still had her doubts. Little did she know that at that very moment he was staring at a resignation letter he had typed up weeks ago, intending to hand it in to his professor the day the verdict came out. John had already contacted the school administrative office and asked them how soon he could transfer his units over so he could finish up his classes in France. John didn't want to tell her about his plans should there be any hold ups; he didn't want to get her hopes up again.

"Anna, I have to go or I'll miss the train. I promise to call you tonight after I get back from dinner with Robert and Cora."

"Oh right. Be sure to say 'hi' to them for me."

"I will. Take care, Anna."

"You too, John."

* * *

John awaited the judge to arrive alongside the rest of the prosecution. His eyes wandered to the defendant. Richard Carlisle was a real piece of work that had been involved in some very corrupt activities in the past (most of which he'd never been tried for, for some reason or another), and he was finally going to be held accountable for them if the prosecution could get a guilty ruling. The only thing that didn't sit right with John was sitting just behind Mr. Carlisle. His girlfriend, Vera Drake. She was a very mysterious figure, with fair skin and green eyes to match her even darker brunette hair. The woman was lovely of course, but she had more rigid features than Anna. John had heard the expression before, 'If looks could kill'. There was definitely something about Vera that made him wonder if Richard Carlisle wasn't the only one behind these crimes. Vera did not seem like a pushover, rather she looked like the type that could manipulate or even push a man to commit murder. She had been present for every step of Mr. Carlisle's trial and seemed to be a little too chummy with the defense attorney.

John had been so lost in thought as he reconsidered the facts of the case that he hadn't realized Vera had let her steely gaze fall to him. Vera squinted like she was honing in on him and not in a way that John had become accustomed to when women sought him out in bars. It was as if she were silently threatening him. The look set him on edge, but he didn't let it affect his demeanor outwardly. John had been told before by one of the members on the prosecution team, "You'll know you're doing your job right when you start getting under everyone's skin." He shifted in his chair, sitting up a little straighter and turned his attentions back to the judge that walked into the courtroom from his chambers. Everyone rose from their seats out of respect as the judge prepared to sit behind the bench up until they were instructed that they could be seated.

The jury was brought back into the courtroom, and after some facts were relayed by the judge, they were finally ready to issue their verdict. It was a resounding vote of guilty. John let out a sigh of relief that he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. At least now he could add this win to his record, even if he was just interning still. As he prepared to exit the courtroom, the senior counsel that had been overseeing and directing John on his work was kind enough to thank him for his work on the case; they couldn't have done it without him. John was appreciative of the recognition and couldn't help but notice Miss Drake's eyes widen at the mention of the important role he had played in putting her boyfriend behind bars.

"John, where are you off to so quickly?" Professor Carson asked when he saw John begin to pack up his briefcase.

"I have somewhere I have to be," John responded.

"Can't it wait? We were going to head out for celebratory drinks and I'm fairly certain you'll get an offer tonight that you can't refuse," he said gesturing towards the prosecution team.

John gave it some thought before reaching into his pocket and handing the folded up resignation letter to his professor. "I can't thank you enough for giving me this opportunity Mr. Carson, but...I've kept some very important people waiting long enough these past few months." Years even, he thought to himself. "I don't think it wise to keep them waiting any longer. I think you'll know what to do with this."

"Well then," Mr. Carson said as he held out his hand to shake with John, "I wish you the best of luck young man."

John shook his hand and hurried to make the next train.

* * *

For the first time in months, John felt a wave of relief wash over him. The trial was all said and done with, and the results had come out in John's favor. He knew he was passing up a big opportunity with the law firm in London, but the way he saw it, jobs would come and go. He wasn't prepared to let go of Anna.

"So you're giving it up then?" Robert asked before chucking back a drink. "That is to say no more being a lawyer?"

"No. Not exactly. Just not here in London...for now," John reported. "Right now my main focus is Anna. I need to be back with her, even if it means my own plans have to take a minor detour."

Cora and Robert's eyes met as they exchanged a knowing smile. Although it would pain the two of them to see John leave when they had become such a chummy little trio, they were both extremely happy for him and Anna. "You'll be back for the wedding though?" Cora asked.

"Definitely. We both will. I can't let my best mate down after he requested me to be his best man."

"You never know, Cora. Anna and John could end up beating us down the aisle," Robert said half joking.

"I don't think so. Sure we have history on our side, but we still haven't had much time to see what a relationship together would be like. I don't want her to feel pressured or rushed. I've waited long enough for her. I can wait longer to have her as my wife," John replied.

"So you have thought about it?" Robert inquired.

"Obviously," Cora teased. "Have you figured out how quickly you can get over there?"

John shook his head in disagreement, but he couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped his mouth. Sometimes it was as if Cora was he and Anna's own personal cheerleader, and it amused him to no end. "I texted her with the trial results, but I haven't heard back from her. I believe she has class until this evening. I planned on checking out flights tonight after we finished with dinner. Even if my transfer for school doesn't go through right away I could use a break, and I'm thinking Paris with Anna would be just the ticket."

Cora smiled fondly at the romantic gesture. "I think the two of you make a lovely couple, John. But I completely understand, and I'm sure Anna will appreciate you giving her space too. After all, the two of your are still finding your way in the world together. There will be a period of adjustment."

"Exactly." Sometimes John found himself torn on whether or not he was moving too fast when it came to Anna. When two people shared the type of connection they did for as long as they had, time somehow seemed irrelevant. He wouldn't deny that marriage to Anna hadn't crossed his mind, even before he had admitted his feelings aloud to Anna. His mother's words still rang in his ear.

_"I know why you close yourself off , John. You aren't fooling me," Fiona said in her Irish brogue. It hadn't been long after her cancer diagnosis, and he had been spending a lot more time at home. If it wasn't for his mother and Anna's encouragement he probably would have given up on school all together to take care of her full time. His mother insisted she was still well enough to take care of herself and Anna was always stopping by to check in on her. _

_"I don't close myself off, Mum," he refused to acknowledge her claim._

_"You do, too. You spend all your time with your head buried in a book or coddling me instead of living your life," she pointed out._

_He was tired and the last thing he wanted was to have a row with his mother right now, especially given her condition. Not that they ever had heated arguments, but it's just not how he prefered to spend his time with his mother. "I'm bettering myself, not hiding away behind a book. And someone has to take care of you," he reminded her. "Is there something so wrong with that?" John asked as he slumped into a sitting position on the couch._

_"No," she said, softening her tone. His mother came up behind him and stroked his hair. "I just worry you are so adamant to avoid repeating your father's mistakes when it comes to love that you are preventing yourself from experiencing all of life's possibilities." _

_John had an idea of what prompted this conversation, but he didn't want to talk about it. To talk about it meant she was already giving up her fight, and he couldn't accept that right now. _

_"Don't misunderstand me son. I love that you care for me the way you do. But who will you love when I'm no longer here?" _

_"Please," he nearly shouted in a raised voice. "Don't talk like that. This diagnosis is not the end, Mum." John sounded as if he were begging her. _

_Fiona Bates took a seat beside her son and reached out for his hand. "You are not your father, John." He looked back at her with puppy dog eyes. Silent understanding settling between them. "You are such a good boy, Johnny." After all these years she still saw him as her little boy. "You have so much love to give. I know. I've seen it," she said with tears in her eyes. "Life will only send you so many great loves. You're lucky if you get two. Stop closing yourself off." _

_He let out a defeated sigh._

_"Now, John...I'm not gonna tell you what way to go in life or who to love. But, if I were the gambling type I'd say your great love has been under your nose this whole time." _

_"What? Who?" John asked with genuine confusion._

_"Anna."_

_"Anna?" he whispered to himself. He scoured through every memory in his brain of Anna, trying to pick out where he missed the mark. How had his mother reached this conclusion, when he hadn't? "Anna doesn't think of me that way. Besides, she's like my sister. We've known each other so long. Don't you think she would have said something by now?" The last question was more directed at himself than his mother._

_"All I know is this, she's gone through everything with you. She's seen you at your worst and your best. She makes you laugh and smile more than I ever could," Fiona noted._

_"Mum…" John said ready to argue that last remark._

_"It's true." His mother smiled back at him sweetly. "But, I'm not upset about it. I want you to find that happiness, John. You deserve it."_

_"I appreciate the vote of confidence, Mum. I'm just not sure Anna would find that happiness with me," he replied._

John found himself wishing his mother was there with him now so he could tell her she'd been right all along. He was trying to do what she had always wanted him to do. She wanted him to take a step back and follow his heart and not just his mind.

"Shall I get the next round?" Robert asked as he set his empty glass down.

"No. Let me get it," John insisted as he removed his jacket. "You've both been so great about taking me in these past few months...or trying to anyways. You know...when I let you." He'd never been great at accepting help. "If the waitress comes back can you ask her for some more bread while we wait for the meal?"

"Of course," Cora said.

John headed over towards the bar to retrieve a refill for all of them.

Four minutes later, he was failing miserably to get the bartender's attention over the women on the other side. Just then, he thought he spotted a familiar face in the crowd. It was Miss Drake. Judging by the way she had been looking him over earlier, John wasn't sure how she was going to react towards him, so he tried to keep his head down. The next thing he knew he felt someone tapping on his shoulder, and when his eyes rose to look at who it was, they met Miss Drake's.

"Hello," Vera said.

"Hi there," John responded. He wasn't sure what to make of this interaction, but he was trying to keep things amicable. It may have been his first trial, but if he knew one thing is that hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. And right now he suspected that Vera was very much upset with anyone who would have taken part in putting her lover behind bars.

She leaned in close to overcompensate for the noise from the crowded pub. "You look like you're having trouble getting a drink."

"A bit," John said trying to put some distance between the two of them once more. Vera was gorgeous, he would give her that, but he wasn't the least bit attracted to her as his mind was otherwise occupied by Anna.

"Celebrating your victory I gather?" she asked.

"No. Actually I was just getting together with old friends."

"John, it's okay," she said, her hand settling on his upper arm.

He flinched slightly, but she clearly hadn't noticed. He didn't like the way his name sounded rolling off her tongue and he definitely didn't like the way her hand felt against his arm.

"No hard feelings. You were just doing your job," she added.

John silently nodded his head in agreement, but his conscience told him that something about this situation wasn't right.

"To prove it, allow me to buy your drinks."

"Oh no, I couldn't accept," he replied.

"Please. I insist."

"No. See, I have to buy drinks for my table over there," he said pointing back to Cora and Robert.

"Well, then let me at least help you get your order in," she insisted. Before John could say another word Vera let her coat slip from her body just enough to reveal the top of her shoulders and her neckline. She ran a hand seductively across her collarbone as she hailed a bartender over with a simple wink.

"Can I help you?" the bartender asked without so much as glancing in John's direction.

"Yes, I'll have uh…" she turned to John expecting him to fill in the blanks.

"Two dirty martinis. Dry," he said.

"And for you?" Vera asked.

"Scotch. Neat," he said to the bartender. Within a few seconds the drinks were placed on the bar. "Thanks," John said to Vera as he reached into his pocket and began to put the money down.

Vera started to hand John some napkins, but accidentally dropped them on the floor. "I'm so clumsy. My apologies," she said.

"It's quite alright. Let me," John said as he bent down to pick up the napkins.

When he came back up Vera was waiting with a fresh stack of napkins and his drink in hand. "Thought you could use a little more assistance."

"I can manage," John replied. "Have a good evening, Miss Drake."

"Same to you, Mr. Bates."

* * *

John returned to his table to find the food had been served in his absence. The rest of their dinner went on as planned and conversation continued to flow. Cora spilled all the details for the wedding, while Robert outlined his proposal for a stag night. This earned a few eye rolls from Cora and John, but it was all in good fun and John promised Cora he would keep him out of trouble. It wasn't long into the meal when John felt out of sorts and disoriented. "I...uh...I'm not feeling so well. I'm sorry to duck out on you both, but I think I should head home."

"You alright mate, you don't look so good," Robert noted.

"Should we take you to the hospital?" Cora asked with concern etched on her face.

"I don't think it's that serious. Tiredness is probably just catching up with me, or maybe it's the food," John reasoned. "Besides, I don't want to ruin your evening. You guys enjoy your meal. I'll call you once I have a flight booked to head out and see Anna." He began to gather his things to head out and felt uneasy.

"Well, let us get you a cab to take you home," Robert suggested.

John playfully shoved Robert making light of the situation while insisting he was fine. "My place is just up the road. I don't need a cab. I can walk just fine."

The two men shook hands and John placed a kiss on Cora's cheek before heading out on his own.

John was halfway down the street when he felt as if the world was spinning. His peripheral vision was becoming more blurred. John began to pull his phone out and was going to call Robert for help, when he heard footsteps fast approaching from behind him. He turned to look in the direction of the sound, but was immediately knocked off balance by a force that struck him from behind on the back. John fell to the pavement like a ton of bricks, he tried to get up but another swift blow came from beneath him and settled in his gut, knocking the wind out of him. He rolled to use his back as a shield; his hands instinctively moved to cover his stomach and the back of his head. He tried to get a glimpse of the person or possibly people that were delivering such a beating, but his eyes couldn't focus in long enough to get a clear image. Whatever he had been feeling at the bar was now taking full effect and John couldn't seem to respond quickly enough to protect himself or even begin to reciprocate. He was gasping for breath but the blow to his stomach had ensured he wouldn't be screaming out for help any time soon. John had only ever been fearful once before in his life and it was when he thought Anna wouldn't survive her car accident. Now the only thing he could think of was that he was going to die here and he wouldn't have the chance to tell Anna 'goodbye'.


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N: Hello all. Hope you had a lovely weekend. I know I left you all on a bit of a cliff hanger, so I wanted to update this story before switching back to update Heart of Mine. Thanks to A-Lady-To-Me and Drstacib for being such lovely betas. Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 14**

When he'd come to the first time there was a layer of powder like snow on him. It was the first thing he felt. A small flake of snow floated down to earth, as clear as day, and landed on his lip. It stung like hell. His immediate reaction was to scream for help, but his jaw was so swollen the very act of yelling had become painfully unappealing.

Images came in fragments: car lights reflecting off apartment windows, shadows dancing on the brick walls of the complex, and at one point he swore he saw a cat come up to his face. He couldn't tell if that was a dream or not. The past seemed to blend with the present: he saw his mother cooking in her kitchen, he remembered going sledding with Robert as children, and the first time he hugged Anna and she hugged him back.

For a long time he had been cold as he attempted to signal someone for help, but it was futile. He couldn't stand or even get into a crawling position. He tried calling for help, but his assailant must have dragged him into an ally, away from where anyone could hear him. John didn't recognize the surroundings and he was too far from the street. He was fighting to stay in the present, fighting for his life. Even if his injuries weren't enough to kill him, the cold at night certainly would. It was a blur. Everything was shapeless and fluid. The more he tried to focus the more his head hurt, his brain felt like it had been rattled until it broke loose and now it was drowning in sensations. Light was too bright, sounds were too loud, his body hurt more than he ever thought possible. His nerves were in overdrive and finally the pain was too much for his body to handle. As he lay staring up the sky, the moon and stars his only companions to bear witness to his inevitable departure, he passed out.

Voices loomed around him, somewhere within reach, but he couldn't place them or see the bodies that housed them.

"Sir, can you tell me who you are?" one asked.

He was being poked and prodded, but much to their credit they were doing their best not to jossle him.

"He doesn't look good," another commented.

"Can you tell me what happened, sir?" the first inquired again. "Do we have an ID on this guy?"

"Look's like he was mugged. They couldn't find a wallet on him," the second voice replied.

"List him as John Doe for now. Maybe someone will call for him," a third voice chimed in.

_John Doe? That couldn't be right,_ he thought to himself. _John? He was warming to it. John?_ he repeated once more to himself, teetering with uncertainty. _John. Yes._ That sounded familiar. A light bulb went off in his head. "John," he tried to say, but his voice failed him. _At least open your eyes, John,_ he chastised himself. He tried, but a blinding, bright light shone above him.

"We need to get him over to radiology to check his head for any internal injuries. Then to the operating room to address that leg," a more authoritative voice said, silencing the others.

"Do you think he'll walk again?" a female voice asked.

"Too early to tell. He's pretty banged up. This looks more than just a mugging. Whoever did this did a number on him," another replied.

_Radiology? Surgery? Not able to walk?_ He was struggling to put it all together. Fear overtaking him, he managed to open his eyes and wiggle one of his fingers, gaining the attention of a nurse.

"Hey, he's awake!" she shouted to the team of doctors. "Try not to move," she instructed him. "We are doing everything we can to take care of you," the young woman said in a comforting voice. "Is there anyone you want us to call?"

"Anna," he uttered.

One of the other nurses whispered something into her ear.

"We couldn't find a cell phone on you. Can you give me her number?"

John felt the weight like a cement slab was leaning against his brain. Eventually, he shook his head in defeat. His memory failing him.

"Don't worry. I'll find her for you," the dark haired nurse said to him, hoping to give him some glimmer of hope.

"Sybil, we need to move him now," a doctor said to her.

"Right. You stay strong, we'll have you right as rain," she said with a reassuring squeeze of his hand.

"John," he said in a shaky voice as he gripped her hand.

"What?"

"My name is John."

* * *

Anna tried calling, but it went straight to voicemail. She was beginning to worry. He texted her while she was in the middle of a class earlier and she couldn't have been happier to hear the outcome of his case. If he couldn't arrange a way to come to her, she'd find a way to get to him. Maybe he was finally getting a proper night's sleep, she reasoned. The last thing she wanted to do was become the clingy girlfriend that couldn't go more than a few hours without checking in on her boyfriend. Still there was a niggling feeling in the back of her head that it wasn't like John to not follow up with her, regardless of how tired he was.

Anna eyed the packet of cigarettes by the sink, but abstained from lighting one. Still, holding one in between her fingers might help to steel her nerves right now. Maybe then the wave of anxiety that was eating away at her would pass. She was about to pull one out when an old photo of the two of them, one of her favorites, that was hanging on the wall caught her eye. They settled on the man who had captured her heart all those years ago, the thought bringing a smile to her face. And soon, hopefully, he'd be in her arms again. As she observed it more closely the photo suddenly fell to the floor.

"Oh no," she muttered. The thought of the cigarette leaving her mind temporarily. Anna bent down to pick up the frame and saw the crack in the glass that ran between the image of her and John. Her finger traced the fracture in the glass. She was lost in thought when her phone buzzed and Anna found herself scrambling to gather herself and answer the phone; the photo frame still held fast to her chest.

"John?"

"Anna? I'm sorry to be calling so late. It's Tess. John's aunt." The woman was clearly frazzled and sounded frantic, but was somehow keeping her composure.

"Yes of course, I know who you are," Anna replied back somewhat amused. It took her mind a moment to process the tone Tess was using, the timing of the phone call, or even the fact that she seemed to think Anna wouldn't recognize her. Finally her brain caught up and she was scared. If it were possible for her skin to register a paler tone, it would have. "Where is he?" Anna asked.

"He's in surgery."

Her heart sunk as her mind ran away with itself, concocting every possible scenario that could have led him to such a state. "What happened? How bad is it?" The last question physically hurt to say aloud, but Anna was never one to shy away from the truth.

"They said he was mugged while walking home. That's all they know," Tess reported.

Anna felt a tightening in her chest at the sound of Tess's words.

"We won't know the extent of his injuries until he's out of surgery. But they said he had good color going in and he was talking. I'm heading there now with Miriam and Andrew. Robert's already there with Cora, and Beth is on her way with her Liam."

"Oh God. I'm on my way," Anna said.

"Please be careful," Tess insisted. "Let me know what flight you are getting on. I'll send Liam to come get you when you land."

"Thank you. You didn't have to call me, and the fact that you thought of me...well it means very much," Anna said as she tried to stifle a cry.

"Anna, as far as I'm concerned you are family. You always have been, and you always will be. Even if you weren't already together before," Tess said, hinting that John had told her of the relationship status between the two.

Anna was moved beyond words, still she tried to find her voice. "I'm just going to grab a few things in case I have to stay awhile."

"Of course. You're more than welcome to stay at my home if you need to," Tess offered. She didn't know the full history of Anna's family as well as her sister and John did, but she knew things had been strained. Tess didn't think Anna should have to deal with that on top of John's current state.

"That would be lovely. I'll see you soon."

The two women hung up, and soon after Anna was looking up flights on her laptop. She didn't think it right to just go back to London without stopping in to see her mother. It wasn't so much that she was upset with her mother, Anna just didn't feel safe there anymore. Too many times the memories of her stepfather popped in to haunt her thoughts, and this was only further aggravated when she was in her childhood home. Normally in circumstances like this she would have called John. He had always been so calm in times like these, a voice of reason and a sturdy frame to lean on for support. But now she felt lost and alone. Her fingers began to type a text to reach out to her mother.

_Heading to London. John was attacked. Will try to call later. All my love, Anna._

* * *

John's family and friends had been in the waiting room for well over five hours when the nurse came to give them an update. Robert had been pacing back and forth, wearing a hole in the ground. He'd been berating himself for letting John leave on his own the night before. Cora and John's aunts tried to comfort him by telling him it couldn't have been foreseen or prevented. As soon as Robert spotted the nurse his eyes flew up hoping for some good news. "Well? How is he?"

Cora steadied him as she clutched his arm. She hated seeing her fiance like this and had come to look at John as a brother. The wait had been just as agonizing for her as it was for Robert.

"Looks like we got to him in time. Hypothermia hadn't set in yet. He has some bruising around the face and swelling, but x rays show no permanent damage. He has a pretty nasty concussion, so we'll want to keep him for observation. There was a cracked rib, we'll have to let that heal on its own. But we bandaged it up pretty tight to minimize the pain."

"And his leg?" Tess asked.

Her sister, Miriam, rose from her seat to be by her side. "Will he be able to walk?"

"It's too early to tell. I don't want to give you false hope. We did everything we could when we reset the bone to minimize the level of pain he'll experience once he wakes, but I don't see him being able to walk without some kind of assistance."

It was a heart breaking blow. There was still a chance of course that things could work out in John's favor, but they weren't naive to the reality of the situation. "Does he know that yet?" Miriam asked.

"No. We thought it best to wait for him to fully come around after he wakes from surgery. There's a chance he won't remember much of from the attack and so we'll want to ease him into the idea. Then we can test his limits and discuss his options."

Tess looked like her head was going to explode as the surgeon continued to rattle off facts. John may not have been her son, but he was still her family and being that she was his godmother she'd always felt a special connection with John. She hated the idea that he might not ever walk again and in that moment she was silently praying to herself that John wasn't going to suffer any side effects from the concussion. "Can we see him?"

"He'll be ready for visitors soon. They are wheeling him out right now and they are getting him set up in a room. The nurse will come to follow up with you when they are ready to let you in. We might want to only let a few people in at a time at first."

"Thank you, doctor," Tess said.

As the doctor walked away Robert placed a hand on Tess's shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I wish I had stopped him from leaving or at least gone after him."

She wouldn't deny to herself that she wished the same, but Tess couldn't hold it against Robert. He had been like a brother to John, and she knew he'd gladly trade places with John right now if he could. Still, she knew he was beating himself up enough and Tess didn't want him to feel that way. "Robert, it's not your fault. Please don't be down on yourself right now. It's not what John would want. Right now we all just need to collectively focus our efforts on helping him through this."

"Thank you," Robert responded with tears in his eyes. Suddenly, he was wrapping his arms around her and embracing Tess in a hug. He couldn't explain it, but somehow it made him feel better.

"What do we do now?" Beth asked.

Tess being the oldest of John's aunt had assumed the position of family matriarch long ago; in times of struggle they were all looking to her for direction. "We wait," she said before taking a deep breath. "When they tell us we can see him, we all will put on a brave face and tell him he looks great, even if it's a lie," she said looking to all of them to see that they understood. "And no matter what we love him, like we always have."

Miriam began to question the plan. "What about his knee? What if he can't…"

"We wait for Anna. We can't tell him something like that before Anna gets here."

"You can't protect him from the reality of the situation," Miriam argued.

"I know I can't," she said with a quivering lip. Her resolve was crumbling. She knew John was a prideful man, and if he lost his ability to walk there was no telling what kind of a depression he would slip into. "But I can soften the blow. And right now we have to give him something positive to focus on. Anna will make him happy." That would have to be enough. "End of discussion."

* * *

"John?"

The familiar faces were standing over him with expectant eyes, waiting for a response. He felt groggy, liked he'd just been hit by a big mack truck.

"I think he's coming around," Miriam said.

"Where...uh...where am I?" John asked.

"You're in the hospital. You're recovering from surgery on your leg."

"My leg?" John asked.

"You were attacked and mugged when you left the pub after having dinner with me and Cora. Do you have any recollection of that?" Robert questioned him.

"I was what?" John asked while abruptly trying to sit up. The rapid motion caused his head to shift violently and made him sick to his stomach. He reached his hand towards his cracked rib as he nearly screamed out, "Bloody hell."

Tess gently urged him to lie back down and relax. "Try to take it easy. You wouldn't want to hurt yourself more than is necessary by trying to be independent."

John laid back but every muscle in his chest and abdomen seemed to ache even when he was simply lying there. "Christ. Did they attack me with a set of cricket bats?"

"We're not sure. We were hoping you could answer that for us," Beth said.

"The last thing I remember was meeting Robert and Cora at the pub. We were talking about their wedding coming up and my trip to Paris." Just then it dawned on him who was missing from the picture. "Where's Anna?"

"Anna's on her way. Said she was getting on the first flight out," Miriam reported.

"Then what happened?" Cora asked.

"I wasn't feeling well and had to call it a night," he said.

"You don't remember anything else?"

John was racking his brain and Tess could tell he was getting frustrated with himself. "I remember bits and pieces but I can't be sure if they really happened or if I dreamed them. I don't recall running into anyone on my way home."

"Well the police are checking all the CCTV cameras in the area hoping to find a trace of someone," Andrew filled him in.

John's knee was throbbing and it was no secret as to where the operation had been performed. The pain was a good indicator that he wasn't paralyzed, he took some comfort in that. "Just give it to me straight, how bad is my leg?"

"The doctor says they won't know for sure until the swelling goes down," Tess said before anyone had a chance to say more.

John nodded his head in understanding as his eyes began to close. Despite being out of it for the past few hours, he suddenly felt very tired.

Tess leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead and spoke softly into his ear, "Sleep well m'boy. We'll be here." She gave John's hand a gentle squeeze and brushed a stray lock of hair from his forehead. Now they would simply have to wait. Wait for Anna to arrive and hopefully, a miracle.

* * *

John had been staring out aimlessly at the window for the better part of a half hour while he sat in his hospital room by himself. He felt like everyone was tip toeing around him in regards to the condition of his leg whenever he would ask. Judging by the way it hurt he had to wonder if he'd ever walk on it again and what that would mean for his future with Anna. A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts.

"Hello," she said softly. Her hand held onto the frame of the door as she leaned in to check in on John. Her hand moved down to fold her arms across her waist, trying to guard herself from falling apart at the sight of him. Robert had warned her ahead of time of John's condition, but still she hated to see the man she loved so broken and bruised.

The familiar figure that he'd longed for the past few months brought a smile to his face. Even from across the room he could tell she had been crying. "Oh, Anna," he said in a soft burr. The slightest bit of color returned to his face as he took in her appearance. What a difference it made to see her not only in his dreams or through a computer screen. He'd missed her terribly and now she was a mere few feet away from him. "You're certainly a sight for sore eyes."

"Well, you've got the sore part correct," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"Robert keeps telling me I look like a piece of battered meat." John didn't think his words would affect her so, but suddenly she was swiping at her eyes and fighting back tears.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I should have been better prepared...it's just seeing you like this...I could have lost you." Anna had to look away for a moment to collect herself. Her hands sunk into her coat pockets and she stared down at her shoes, hoping she could stop the tears from welling up.

She couldn't hide it from John; not after years of observing her, he could hear the tears building in her throat. He knew exactly what she meant. For awhile before the ambulance arrived John wasn't sure he'd ever see her again, and that thought alone pained him more than the injury he suffered. "I'm so glad you came."

"Course I came," she replied.

John's hands motioned for her to come forward.

Anna crossed the room to be at his bedside. "You know, if you wanted me to come sooner you only had to say so. There was no need to go through all this for me," she tried to joke.

John began to chuckle, but grimaced in pain. "Ugh, don't make me laugh. It hurts like hell."

"Sorry," she apologized. Every nerve in her body was screaming out to take him in her arms and be with him after months of not being able to see him or hug him in person. Still, Anna kept her distance as she set her purse down on a table holding his tray of untouched food and took a seat in a chair by his bed.

"Don't I at least get a kiss?" he inquired with a look of confusion.

Anna took his hand in hers. It seemed to be the only thing free of injury or bruising. "I just don't want to hurt you any more than you already are."

"You could never hurt me," he said. "Even if you did, I'd gladly endure it to share a kiss with you."

"Where did you learn to become such a sweet talker?" she asked in a teasing tone.

"From this girl I've loved for ages," he confessed playfully.

"Oh?"

"I guess you could say after years of keeping my feelings to myself I'm overflowing with love and bold statements reserved just for her," John added.

"She must be quite the girl," Anna said, playing along.

"Oh she is."

"The kind that would kiss you like this?" Anna asked flirtatiously before swiping a loose lock of hair from his forehead and leaning in to kiss him deeply. She held onto the railing of his hospital bed to keep from putting any weight on him, but also to restrain herself from going further than a kiss.

John reached up to cradle the back of her head and bring her closer to him. His hands playing with a single strand of her golden hair. Their lips locked onto one another and they pressed together as forcefully as his bruised face and split lip would allow. If circumstances were different he would have had his way with her right then and there. "I've been wanting to kiss you like that since I saw you leave at the airport," he admitted shamelessly.

"So have I." Anna placed another peck on his lips, only this time John let out a half suppressed groan of pain. "Oh no...I didn't mean to…"

"It's alright. It was worth it. Now…" John wiggled his eyebrows, "what would it take to get you into this bed with me?"

Her stomach felt like it did a little flip at the sound of his words. "John," Anna said under her breath in a mildly scolding tone. Her cheeks turned a shade of crimson. She was slightly embarrassed at the prospect, but it also secretly thrilled her.

"My intentions are honorable, I swear."

Anna bit down on her lower lip nervously. A part of her worried she would do more harm than good; the other part of her worried John's family would come waltzing back in at any moment and think less of her.

"They won't be back for awhile," he said, reading her thoughts. "They went to grab lunch not long before you arrived." John could still sense the hesitation in her body language. "I need this," he admitted. John watched as her features softened in response. "I need you," he corrected his earlier statement in a gentle tone.

There was so much longing and vulnerability conveyed in those three simple words. Anna found she could no longer resist the pull to be closer to him. She took off her jacket and scarf, revealing a purple silk blouse that complimented her figure and blue-grey eyes nicely. As she did, John did his best to scoot over and make room for her

She carefully climbed onto the bed with a bit of apprehension, but the warmth of his gaze eased her worries. Within a matter of seconds she was settling into his big, strong arms, and nestling against his side. If her being in the bed with John caused him any extra pain, he didn't show it. It felt like coming home and she felt so much joy and peace in that moment.

"Are you comfortable?" John asked as he kissed the top of her head.

Anna giggled softly. "I think I should be asking you that. Is there anything I can get for you? Perhaps we can get you something from your flat to read or brighten up the room," she suggested.

"You being in this room is enough to make it nice," he complimented. "I'm more happy and content than I thought possible a few days ago."

She looked up into his hazel eyes and saw the way the crinkles at the outside corners creased wider as he smiled down at her. And she knew he meant what he said. Much as she hated the circumstances she had to admit she felt much the same having him within her grasp. Anna hugged his middle a little tighter. They lay like that a little longer, enjoying the comfortable silence as they had so many times before. John had always thought that once he had her laying next to him like this again, there would be so much more to say. Instead, he could only reminisce on all the times they had laid exactly like this in the past, and grin like a fool. "I missed this," John muttered as he began to drift off.

"Mhmm," Anna hummed in appreciation as she allowed her eyes to close. She hadn't slept a wink on the plane and now she felt very drowsy.

"You want to know what the last thing was that I remember thinking before this happened?"

"What?"

"I was thinking how excited I was to tell you I resigned from the internship," he said.

"You did what?" she asked. Anna sat up and turned to face him head on. "Are you serious?"

"Isn't that what you wanted?" he countered.

"Well, yes…I...I guess I just didn't think it would happen so quickly is all."

"If you want I can call Professor Carson and tell him I changed my mind," John offered in a joking tone.

"Don't you dare," Anna scolded him.

"So? You? Me? Paris?" he inquired, trying to gage her response.

"It's what I've dreamed of since I left."

"You know, this probably sounds crazy, but I have, too," he said. Anna looked back at him in disbelief. "The minute you were out of my sight, I knew I wanted to be wherever you were. I didn't care what that meant for my future, because _you_ have always been my destiny. I just wish now I would have acted on that impulse. If I had I might not be in the position I'm in now."

"John, you can't think like that," she said trying to remain optimistic.

"I can't help it though, and now...well who knows what will happen with my leg," he said.

"Have they told you for certain what the prognosis of your leg is?" she asked. Anna was trying to keep her voice soft and even, but she was just as fearful as John was.

"No," he answered back. "But I'm not naive. I don't imagine it's a good one or there would have been more concrete details at this point like a release date and a plan of attack. Instead, everything is a waiting game."

"Waiting isn't necessarily a bad thing," she told him with a gentle smile.

John caught the double meaning in her words and smiled back at her. "You've got a point there." He laced his fingers with hers and gave her knuckles a kiss before giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

On the inside, Anna told herself that no matter what she wouldn't let it change them and their plans for the future. Even if those plans still weren't more than moving to Paris together. She vowed to stand by his side just as he had for her after her car accident years ago. John had been so devoted to her care and recovery, even when he didn't have to be. They weren't more than friends at that point. Although, she supposed that deep down there had always been something more there between them. All Anna knew was that she wouldn't let him go through this alone.

Their moment of peace was interrupted when a knock came from the hospital room door, followed by a voice addressing John, "Mr. Bates." A man in a doctor's coat came in holding a clipboard.

Anna and John were startled like two children caught with their hands in the cookie jar. She immediately shot up, and began to get up out of the bed. Anna smoothed her clothing, even though the doctor motioned with his hand that it was alright for her to stay put. Given the news he was about to drop on the young man sitting before him, he thought it might be good for him to have some support. Judging by the way the young woman was sitting beside his patient, their relationship appeared to be more than friendly.

"John, I'm Dr. Harrison. I've been assigned to your case," the doctor said as he approached the bed.

"My case?" he asked, looking from the doctor to Anna with a tone of uneasiness.

"Perhaps it would be best if we wait for your family to arrive," Dr. Harrison suggested.

"She is my family," John said, almost defensively.

Anna could sense the darker side of John was looming on the horizon and rubbed his arm reassuringly. She had to calm him down.

"Still…" the doctor began to say.

"Listen. Anything you can say to me, you can say to her. I have a feeling this conversation isn't going to go my way. And if that's the case I'd rather my aunts not be here. They'll only feel sorry for me, and I don't want that right now."

"Very well."

"So, how's it look? Am I going to be getting out of here anytime soon?" John asked.

"It doesn't look good," Dr. Harrison said with finality.


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: I apologize for the delay in updating this, I've been wrestling with how to end this chapter for sometime. I have to thank some lovely girls for either editing or providing feedback on where the thought the story should go. Thanks to A-Lady-To-Me, Drstacib, silly-beggar, famousdreamerthingfan (who has been asking for an update for so long, she's amazingly patient), and the setteeproblem. I hope you all enjoy!**_

**Chapter 15**

It wasn't the news he was wishing for, although in retrospect he wasn't really sure what he had been hoping to hear. John wasn't naive to think he would walk out of here unscathed, but deep down, he had a glimmer of hope that it wouldn't be as bad as what the doctor had told him the day before. The fracture had broken the skin; the doctor warned him that these types of breaks resulted in the most complications and often took the longest to heal. There was chance of infection and the break had left his kneecap into five pieces. It may as well have been blown to bits by shrapnel along with all the plans he had for their lives together. Now more than ever he hated himself for not following Anna to Paris sooner.

He felt helpless as he stared out his hospital window at the cityscape of London. He'd never enjoyed going out much, but John hated being cooped up. What was he to do now? John had already resigned the internship and he would be late to start classes in Paris. Everything was up in the air, everything depended upon his ability to heal-and quickly. Though he had the support of Anna and his family, he hated being reliant on the help of others. It was the same feeling he had when his mother had passed and it ate away at him. John didn't want to be a burden on others, particularly Anna. Each day that he was trapped in his hospital bed or wheelchair was another day that she was spending waiting on him, and she had done more than enough of that already. He had to wonder, what kind of life could he give her or share with her with a bum leg. What if it never healed? Would he be forced to push her away so that she could have the life she always deserved. A single tear slipped down his cheek.

"Hello," a friendly voice called out as it entered the hospital room.

John would recognize that silky tone anywhere; he wiped his tears away in an attempt to avoid being caught out. If only he knew there was no point in hiding, Anna had already caught the reflection of him crying in the window. "Hey, kid," he responded in a voice full of emotion.

Anna feigned disapproval.

"Sorry...old habits die hard," John said.

Somehow, knowing that she was his now, hearing him call her that name that he used so many times before didn't bother her so much. If anything it reminded her of how far they had come. It was a glimmer of nostalgia that filled her with hope. She smiled at him for the first time since they had heard the prognosis for his leg. "Tess is filling out your release papers and Miriam is preparing your room back at the house."

"What's wrong with my old room?" John asked.

Anna let out a ragged breath at his question. He really hadn't thought that far ahead. "It's on the second floor," she answered softly.

"Oh, I didn't...I didn't think about that," he said with more than a tinge of melancholy.

"It's only temporary, John. You'll see. Your leg just needs time," Anna said as she rested her hands on the back of his shoulders. She leaned down and placed a kiss on the crown of John's head, stopping for a moment to smell the scent of his hair. Her arms snaked around his neck where her hands clasped together just above John's chest. He wanted to be as hopeful as her, and placed a kiss on her knuckle. His head slowly rose to look up into Anna's blue eyes. No matter how little faith he might have that things would pan out, he didn't have the heart to take that from her. "Even if it doesn't work out the way we planned, there'll always be a place for a man like you."

"I hope so. I certainly hope so," John said, forcing himself to sound as optimistic as possible.

* * *

When they arrived at Tess's home, John was surprised to find that a ramp was already in place going up to the porch of her house. "It was Beth's idea," Anna filled in. "Your uncle Andrew and Liam helped install it. They even have one up at the winery for whenever you are ready for a trip."

"Thanks," he said halfheartedly. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the effort, but seeing the ramp made him feel as though the injury was more of a permanent fixture than he was prepared for.

As Anna began to push him towards the ramp she spoke softly, "I know what you are thinking right now, John Bates. It's not the end of the world. It's just until you are able to stand on your own two feet again."

"John, you're here," Miriam greeted him as she opened the front door. "Beth thought she heard you guys pull up, but I wasn't expecting you to be here so soon. How are you feeling?" She asked as Robert helped to push him up the ramp.

"I'm still on some medication to manage the pain so the leg isn't bothering me much right now, but I can feel it starting to wear off. I'm mostly just glad to be out of the hospital," he reported.

Once he reached the top of the porch Miriam bent down to give him a hug. "It's so good to have you home. We've set you up in the downstairs office and Robert brought over most of your books from your apartment along with some other personal items. If you need anything else you just let us know."

"And I'll be staying for as long as you need me to. Since you aren't using your room I'll be sleeping there," Anna added.

The irony was not lost on John that the one time Anna would be sleeping in his room at his aunt's home while they were actually dating, he wouldn't be laying in the same bed as her. "Don't you need to be heading back to Paris?" John asked.

"Let's not worry about that now. I explained the situation to Mrs. Hughes and she told me to keep her posted, but to take as much time as I needed."

He looked at her skeptically, not fully believing that her professor would just hold the position at the museum open for Anna until they knew what would happen to him. But, maybe there was some truth to it.

Robert had just come back from bringing in the last of John's bags, "Can I get you anything to make you more comfortable mate? Are you hungry?"

"Actually, the drive over has taken quite a bit out of me. I think I'll just go lie down for a bit," John said as he began wheeling himself over to his newly assigned room.

"I'll help you get into the bed," Robert offered. He was doing more than his duty as a friend, part of it was that he felt guilt for John being in his current situation.

"No need, Robert. I need to start getting used to doing this on my own," John said as he struggled to transfer himself from the chair to the bed.

"John, you're going to hurt yourself. Let Robert help you," Anna urged.

"I'm not an invalid, Anna. I can manage," John stated. The minute the words left his mouth he regretted it and hoped he didn't sound to snappy. It certainly wasn't his intention. Right now he was just impatient with his body and there was still no evidence as to who had done this to him. This was like being stuck in some sort of awful limbo. He couldn't' move forward and he couldn't go back. He still wasn't quite out of his wheelchair and allowed himself to slump slowly back into it. He raised his hands out to gesture for Anna to come forward and give him a hug. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to sound so harsh."

"I understand...and I don't blame you. You have every right to be upset with the world right now," she said.

"Yes, but that's no excuse to get upset with you or anyone else in this house. You've all been nothing short of incredible. I should count myself lucky for still being here and instead I'm just getting down on myself."

"I imagine there will be many times when you will want to be harder on yourself than you need to be. Just remember, no matter what, we'll all be here standing behind you."

She was standing close enough for him to reach and hugged her around the waist. "I'll try," he promised.

"Do you want me to have Robert come in here to help you into your bed?" Anna asked as she combed her fingers through his hair.

"I suppose the first time wouldn't be a bad idea," he confessed.

"I'll be right back," she said before kissing him on the cheek. Anna was about to exit the room when she stopped in the doorway and turned back to look him in the eye and spoke out. "Don't give up on me, John."

"Never." The reply was almost instant as if the thought had never occurred to him to do otherwise.

"I mean...don't give up on yourself. I couldn't bare to watch it," she admitted.

There was a moment of silent understanding that settled between them. He nodded his head in agreement.

"I love you."

"I love you too," he replied.

* * *

Had it been any other gathering John couldn't have been happier. His family was there, as was his best mate, and the woman he'd been pining for ages over was there too. But he was bitter and moody. One minute he had everything he ever wanted and the next it was nothing, or so it seemed in his mind. He sat quietly with everyone at dinner, pushing his food around but rarely eating it. His appetite was gone and he didn't have the energy to put on a smile and pretend that everything was as it had always been. It wasn't long before he excused himself claiming the pain pills were leaving him feeling drowsy. They all offered to help, but he refused and wheeled himself down the hallway on his own.

* * *

They thought he'd gone to bed hours ago, but truth be told he couldn't stand to see their looks of pity whenever he grimaced and winced from the pain. Instead, John had been staring at the ceiling as he lay in bed. The bedroom door was left open a crack, enough for him to hear the voices of his family and friends travelling down the hallway.

"I just wish there was something more I could do," Robert muttered.

"Don't we all," Beth chimed in.

"I've never seen him so low before, not even after his mother died," Anna said.

"We have to stay positive. John will have no reason to think things can change if we don't," Tess said.

"Tess, let us be realistic. The prognosis wasn't good. Even with the surgery to repair the immediate damage there is a chance he will need others. And what's more, there is no guarantee those surgeries will allow him to walk," Robert added.

"No. But they'll allow him to live," Anna said, leaving them all in stunned silence. "And right now that is all I am going to focus on. We will cross the other bridges when we get to them, but for now let us be happy he is still with us. Let's not talk about the mounting medical bills that will surely come, or the opportunities with school that he'll miss, or the fact that he may never walk again," she paused to catch her breath

John strained to hear what Anna had to say next.

"There will be plenty of time to talk about that later and I can't cope with this right now."

"Come here lass," Miriam said to Anna. "Don't lose faith just yet. Time heals all wounds."

"Except a broken spirit," she replied.

John could hear his aunt comforting the woman he loved as she cried. If it were possible he would have run into the other room to comfort her himself, but he couldn't. He let his hand trace the lining of the cast that encased his leg and all John could picture was every way he would be holding Anna back if he never walked again. His aunts had both already told him not to worry about the medical bills, but he couldn't do that to them. He would hate to be a burden to anyone, especially Anna.

* * *

Anna had been tossing and turning all night. She and John hadn't really had a private moment to themselves to discuss her plans of staying while he recovered. His behavior the past few days was not a good indicator that he would be willing to accept her decision. She needed to talk to him, or at the very least see him.

With her robe pulled tightly around her Anna snuck quietly past Tess's room and tiptoed down the stairs. Even though Tess was aware they were dating now, Anna didn't think John's aunt would be thrilled at the idea of the two of them sleeping together under her roof. It wasn't as if they could do anything right now anyway, given John's condition. There was a chance she wouldn't be able to lay with him as they had in the hospital. Still, he always had a way of comforting her with just his presence, and Anna hadn't slept properly in months since she left for Paris.

Anna listened at the door before pushing in; his gentle snores indicated that he was sleeping soundly. He'd never been a heavy sleeper, but then again he was on strong medication right now and if it meant he would heal faster she was all for it. She crossed the room to pick up his book that was lying on the bed next to his hand and placed it on the side table. Her eyes stopped to memorize the way he looked with his reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. His hair was unkempt and he was wearing one of his old football shirts from when he was in sixth form. The thought that he might never play again made her heart ache. She removed his glasses and placed them on top of the book before stooping down to smooth his hair back.

Looking at John's injured leg she vowed to herself she'd do everything in her power to get him through this, with or without the use of his leg. Her fingers ghosted against his knee as she spoke softly, "I'll make it better." It wasn't the first time she had uttered those words to him, and this time they held more weight than they ever had before. Anna wasn't sure how she would do it or how long it would take, but she wasn't going to let John fight this on his own.

She grabbed the extra throw blanket that had been left folded at the base of the bed. Anna wrapped it around her shoulders and began to head over to the recliner across from the bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" John asked in a sleep filled voice.

"Oh...I didn't mean to wake you," Anna whispered. "Go back to sleep."

"It's fine," he replied. John began to sit up and scoot over to make some room for Anna. "Join me, won't you?"

"If you're sure. I don't want to keep you up."

"I don't mind staying up if it means I get to spend some time with you," he answered back in a low voice.

Anna came back and slid into bed next to him. "You'll have to promise to wake me before your aunt wakes up. I don't want her to catch me in here."

John chuckled softly, "We're both consenting adults and it's not as if we are doing anything tonight other than sleeping."

"I know," she blushed at the sound of his words,"But I love your aunt and she likes me. I just don't want to do anything that would cause her to think less of me."

"Impossible. She knows how much you mean to me. No one could ever think less of you."

Even in the dimly lit room John could see Anna smiling down at him. She refrained from settling against his side for fear of hurting him. Her head rested against his shoulder and she sighed apprehensively.

"Can't sleep?" he asked in a low rumble.

"I have a lot on my mind," she confirmed.

His eyes looked at her with concern. "Tell me, Anna, what is it that's bothering you?"

"I don't know," she said. Anna turned in his arms so that she wasn't facing him.

"You know that's not true." Years of being friends had been a lesson in all things Anna. He knew better than anyone how to interpret every sigh, lip bite, and roll of the eye. What was more, John knew that most often the only time Anna tried to hide her feelings or keep a secret from him was when she knew it was something that might upset him. "Anna…" John brushed her hair back to expose her ear and placed a kiss on her neck, "Please...tell me what's bothering you."

He could sense the hesitation in her voice. Eventually, she gave in and began to confess what had been playing on her mind. "I'm scared, John."

"Of what?" John braced himself.

"I've seen the way you've been pushing us away. Not wanting help...withdrawing. I worry that if the doctors can't fix your leg that I won't be able to make it better. I'm scared you'll push us all away," she admitted.

His fingers combed through her blonde hair and tried to massage her back as best he could without hurting his ribs. "I'm trying my hardest not to lose hope, sweetheart. I know right now I'm not at my best and I hate it. You have to know that it's nothing against you or anyone else. I feel trapped right now. Trapped in this cast, in this body, in this bed or that chair. I had so many plans for our future and in one night they were stolen from us."

She rolled over to face him while being cautious not to disturb the way he was positioned. "I wish I could take you with me," she expressed softly. Shortly after his surgery there had been talk of where John should go to recuperate. Anna would have loved to take him back to Paris with her, but her apartment was not suited for wheelchair access and she would have spent a good portion of her time away from him to work at the museum. It would have been difficult to shuffle him to and from therapy and trying to nurse him following any other surgeries that awaited him without help from friends and family. Even though she knew Tess and Miriam were able to provide him with the care he deserved better than she could, it still bothered her when she considered it might be weeks or months before she could get time off again to visit with him. Especially after already taking off nearly a week to be at his side. When she began to speak again her voice sounded like it might crack under the strain of her emotions. "I'm not ready to leave you yet."

"I'm not going anywhere," he said simply.

"No, I know that, but soon I'll have to head back. It was just so hard the first time."

"I'd be lying if I said my heart didn't break when I put you on that plane, but you have to go back to your job and school Anna. You can't let my situation change the course of your life," he insisted.

"A job is just that, John. School will always be there. You are my life," she said adamantly.

Sensing where this conversation was heading, and knowing they would be in for a long night if he didn't put an end to this conversation John cut her off. "Let's talk about this more tomorrow. My medicine is doing a number on me and I can't think properly about this right now."

"You won't put me off, John. We are going to talk about this tomorrow."

He kissed her on the forehead to silence her. "Yes, yes. Now go to sleep." John snuggled her as tightly as his injury would allow and within minutes she had fallen fast asleep in his arms.

* * *

John awoke to find that Anna was already gone from his bed, the throw blanket folded neatly where he had left it the night before. Had he dreamt it? There was no sign that she had slept in his bed at all. He could smell bacon and eggs wafting from down the hallway in the kitchen and began to get out of bed and into his chair. The pain was excruciating in the morning before his pain pills kicked in, but he had to get used to doing this on his own. He wouldn't be an imposition to his family and friends.

As he wheeled his way into the dining room John happened upon a conversation between Anna and his Aunt Tess as they began serving up the food. "So...Anna, when do you have to head back?"

"Well...uh..."

"Don't get me wrong. I love having you here and I'm sure John is thrilled to have you back within arms reach. There's no need to rush. It was just curiosity getting the better of me."

"Actually, I should probably be getting back soon. I can't expect Mrs. Hughes to keep my position at the museum open forever."

John remained out of sight as he listened in.

"It's not as if we were married and this was a family emergency." Anna blushed instantly when Tess's eyes widened at her statement. "Not that we have plans to…it's just...oh goodness, I'm making a mess of things."

"It's fine darling, I didn't think anything. But, of course I'd be thrilled and I'm sure we've all seen it coming for quite some time."

Anna and John were both stunned into silence. Had everyone else really seen what was there before they had?

"I'm just torn right now," Anna said. "I know you'll take good care of him, but I know what he's like even when he's sick with a cold. He's a pill to deal with." The two women chuckled and shared a smile. "And that's only a week. Twelve weeks of this and what if another operation is required? I can't just leave him. Not when he stayed by my side after my car accident." Not after everything she went through with her stepfather. They had always been in each other's corners and always had the other's best interest at heart. To go back to Paris right now would be like abandoning him. "Maybe I can talk with Mrs. Hughes and arrange for a leave of absence, or reapply for the program when John is on his feet and able to go back to Paris with me."

"You'll do no such thing," John said as he made his presence known.

"But John," Anna began to argue.

"No buts, this is non-negotiable Anna."

"We said we would talk about it," she pointed out.

"We are talking now. And I'm telling you, under no circumstances will I allow you to rob yourself of this opportunity because of me," he argued.

"John, why don't we all take a seat and talk about this calmly over breakfast," Tess said, hoping to tame the beast that was her nephew at that moment.

"I've already taken one," he said sharply. John repositioned his chair so that he was ready to go back to his room. "And I've lost my appetite." They heard him go back to his room and slam the door before throwing what sounded like a book across the room.

Anna's lip wobbled as she tried to hold back her tears.

"Don't let him get to you. He's just expressing his anger and disappointment at the situation," Tess explained. "We just need to give him time."

As John listened from his bedroom he felt his bitterness running over. Time. That's all they kept saying. The problem was he had nothing to do to fill it. And they say idle hands are the devil's workshop.

* * *

Tess had been the one to suggest it. She thought a trip out of the city might do him some good. They were going to head up to the winery for the weekend before Anna had to go back to Paris. Anna had tried to broach the subject again and convince him that her staying would be for the best, but John wouldn't hear of it anymore. The only reason he didn't put up much of a fight about going to the winery was he thought Anna deserved to have one good memory of her trip back home. Something that didn't involve hospital visits or just passing time waiting for his leg to show some sign that he still had a chance at a normal life.

He watched Anna from the porch as Beth and Liam walked her around the property to show her the changes they had made to the winery since the wedding. As they moved further away from John he noticed she would stop every so often to look back at him, to check that he was still there, to read his face. A wave of guilt rushed over him. John had seen that face so often in their shared existence together. As teenagers when they were still unsure of one another's feelings, she had given him that look from across crowded rooms. At this very same winery, mere months before when they came for the wedding. Again when they had their falling out shortly before leaving for Paris. And then again when they reconciled and he sent her off on a plane for the role she was born to play. No matter the circumstance, she was always there like an angel looking over his shoulder.

"What's the matter, Johnny?" Miriam asked as she set down a cup of tea for him to drink.

"I'm worried about Anna," he answered simply.

Miriam set her cup of tea down, "What? Why? Is something wrong?"

"Yes. She's with me."

"And that worries you?"

"Look at me. I can't even follow her around on the property because I can't navigate the rough terrain in this damn wheelchair."

"Well we can get you a motorized one that makes it easier," she offered.

He shook his head in frustration. "It's not just that." John stopped to check on Anna's whereabouts to make sure she wasn't coming back or in a position to read his features. "I'm sure Aunt Tess has told you by now. She wants to give up the internship to take care of me."

"She mentioned it."

"See. I'm holding her back. I'm like this anchor, weighing her down."

"But she doesn't see it that way. You are the love of her life." His aunt reached out to hold his hand. "John, when you love someone, you don't see it as work or a burden. Besides, didn't you do the same for her a few years ago?"

"Yes, but that's different."

"How?"

"It just is," he couldn't quite explain it. Deep down John knew there wasn't a difference. The truth of the matter was he would have gladly given up weeks or months of his life to stand by Anna's side, even if they weren't in a relationship. And that's exactly what John had done. But for some reason, he couldn't wrap his head around the idea that someone like Anna would want to do the same for him.

"Now you're being stubborn like your father," Miriam pointed out.

John ran a hand through his hair and let out a rush of air in frustration. Why could no one understand that he was trying to do what was best for Anna?

"John, Anna may be unwavering in her devotion to you, but she's also a woman who knows her own mind. If there is something she wants to do, I'm sure she'll find a way to do it. No one is forcing her to be with you and stay here. She does it because she wants to. Anna does it because she loves you." She patted John on the shoulder. "God saved you for a reason my boy. I don't believe his intention was for you to isolate and punish yourself. We're all here for you, Johnny."

"Thanks." He placed a hand on top of hers and smiled. His eyes travelled up to see Anna heading back towards them. She was indescribably beautiful, and he loved the way she lit up as their eyes met.

"Hi, Love," she said enthusiastically. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," he responded honestly.

"Already?" She tilted her head in concern. Anna knew he had gone to bed early and slept the whole night through. In fact, he had woken up later than she and Tess. John had even taken a nap on the way up to the winery. She chalked it up to his medication, but this was the first time that she could recall him being that exhausted. For a moment she had considered if John was abusing his prescriptions. As quickly as the thought had entered her mind, it left. John knew better, and Anna trusted him.

"I'll be fine." He gave her a crooked smile. "The drive just took a lot out of me."

"Anna, we're going to go ride the horses down to the river," Andrew said. "Did you want me to get a horse ready for you to join us?"

Initially, her face brightened at the offer, but quickly fell when she thought about the last time she had gone for a ride. It had been the morning of Beth and Liam's wedding. John had arranged for their own private excursion up to the peak that overlooked the valley to watch the sun come up. What a magical moment. A glorious memory that she had hoped to relive with him on future visits to the winery. And now she was painfully aware that he might never be able to ride with her again depending on how his leg healed. "I don't know," she said with hesitation. Her eyes drifted over to look at John. She didn't think it was right to leave him there while she went off and had fun riding around.

"Go on," he said.

"But…"

"Take care of her, Andrew," John instructed.

Anna pursed her lips together knowing she wasn't going to be able to get a word in edgewise here.

"Have fun," John said with a wink. He wanted to be selfish, to ask her to stay. She would be heading back to Paris on Sunday. John wanted nothing more than to spend what little time he had left with her in her company. But he was spending the majority of his days sleeping and in a funk about what his injury would mean to their future. It was a thought that consumed his every waking moment. Still, John wasn't feeling himself, and he didn't want to stop her from enjoying her time here. "It's fine. It's not like I'm going to be doing anything more entertaining here. Take advantage of the opportunity. I'll be here when you get back," he assured her.

"Ok, but we'll only be gone for an hour," she promised.

He smiled at Anna and her need to always have the final say on things. She would have made a smashing lawyer, he thought to himself. Anna came to up to kiss him before leaving at his insistence.

"I'll be right back. Rest up so we can watch a movie tonight."

"Yes ma'am." As he watched her ride off he couldn't help the tinge of jealousy he felt. Riding used to be one of his favorite things to do when he visited his aunt and uncle's home. And now he was confined to a chair.

* * *

That evening he was quiet through most of dinner. John was wrestling with his mind; trying to tell himself that there must be some truth to his aunt's words. That he must have been saved for something and that Anna would love him through thick and thin as she always had. Still. Being at the ranch was a not-so-subtle reminder of all the things he couldn't do while trapped in this chair. John still wasn't sure when he'd be able to pick up with his courses again or if that would mean staying in London or moving to Paris. He wasn't even sure if he would be able to return to his flat above the bookstore as the second floor wasn't wheelchair accessible. Despite all his aunts reassurances to take care of things from a financial standpoint, it didn't sit well with him that he couldn't even cover the cost of his flat without their help. Though he supposed it didn't matter; John had originally planned to move out to go live with Anna.

Anna touched his hand to get his attention.

He forced a smile and she returned the gesture.

John was about to return to pushing his food around on his plate when there was the sound of glasses clanging. Everyone immediately stopped their conversations mid sentence and looked up to see that Beth and Liam were rising from their seats. "We have an announcement to make. It's still a bit early, but with some of you returning home tomorrow afternoon we thought now was as good a time as any," Liam said.

"Liam and I are going to have a baby," Beth chimed in.

"What?" Tess said.

"Congratulations you two," Anna added.

"I'm going to be a grandmother!" Miriam squealed.

Andrew quickly rose from his chair along with the others to congratulate his daughter and son-in-law on the pending arrival of their first grandchild.

John managed a congratulatory handshake for the soon-to-be father and a kiss on the cheek for his cousin Beth. But as everyone exchanged words of encouragement and excitement all John could think of was how well he would measure up as a father if he remained in his condition. How much help would he be to Anna chasing after a toddler? Not being able to run alongside their child as it learned to ride a bike for the first time. What about playing a game of cricket with their son or daughter? Little by little he felt as if pieces of his future were being snatched away from him and there was nothing he could do about it. He tried to keep his anger at bay, swallowed his pride long enough to make it through the rest of the meal.

She found him later on the back porch, staring up at the moon in silence. His breaths turning into small puffs of fog, his eyes turning to glass as if he had been crying shortly before her arrival. "Thought I'd find you out here," she said in a low voice, hoping not to startle him. He acknowledged her arrival by turning his head towards her, but promptly went back to staring at the moon. "You were awfully quiet throughout dinner. Aren't you happy for them?"

"Of course," he replied curtly.

"What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Feeling sorry for myself."

"Well, I'm not normally one to encourage such behavior. But I do believe you have every right to be," she said with a gentle tone.

"Oh would you please stop being so damn nice to me!" he snapped with a razor sharp tongue.

A look of confusion crossed her face. She couldn't understand where this sudden display of anger had come from. "Wha-"

"I don't have a right, though. I should be happy I'm alive. I should be happy I have you."

Her brain was trying to process what he was saying. "I...I don't understand. You're not happy with me?" she asked in a voice filled with emotion. But she didn't allow herself to cry.

"I'm not happy that we don't have what we had before."

She knew the healing process for his injury was not going to be an easy one to navigate, but Anna still loved him all the same. Up until now, she was sure John returned those feelings for her. Of course, she was just as upset that this horrible situation had chosen them as its target. She wouldn't deny that at night she sat up asking herself "Why John?" Each time she would quickly berate herself for not being grateful that he was still alive. He had to know that despite her outward positive demeanor, this had affected her just as much as it had him. They were both hurting. The difference was Anna had already come to the realization that wallowing and being bitter was not going to make John walk any sooner.

"I can't give you the life I wanted to give you," he corrected her in an angry tone. Although his anger wasn't directed at her, he could tell his words had stung her just as badly. Maybe this is what he had to do to push her away like he had before. Only the last time had been unintentional.

"John, you're not thinking clearly," she began to argue.

"No. You're not thinking clearly. None of you are. You all keep thinking this is going to magically work out somehow, but the doctor said my chances of walking again are less than fifty percent, and even if I do, the break was bad enough that I won't be able to move on it the way I did before. Is that what you want? To spend your life tethered to a cripple? To be my nurse forever instead of my partner?"

"I won't listen to this."

"You have to. This is the reality, Anna. You have to go back tomorrow, and you can't return to see me. At least not until you've accepted that we are over."

"You don't mean that," she responded louder than she intended. Thankfully, it wasn't enough to draw the attention of the others inside. "I don't believe it. You say our relationship is over and I am to collect my things and leave tomorrow?"

"We will always be friends, Anna. But that is all I can offer to you. I must work on rebuilding whatever semblance I can out of my life. You don't have to be a part of that. You deserve a man who is whole. I'd be holding you back."

"But I want to be a part of that...don't you see."

"No, Anna," his eyes were watery, but still the tears did not come. He couldn't show any emotion or attachment to her for fear that she would only push harder to stay by his side. "Trust me, you'll thank me later." For the first time his eyes met hers for more than a few second, it takes everything he has to remain stone like. "I had no right to involve you in my life."

"I don't agree. You had every right." Tears spilled down her cheeks, but her eyes were red with fury. How could he do this to her? He had to know she loved him for more than the use of his legs. The look in his eyes told her he still harbored feelings for her. "You're doing something gallant here. Making a sacrifice for my honor. But I don't want you to," her voice was pleading with him.

"I can't…" is all he can manage to say. After that his face falls and she sees a single tear spill from his eye, but he wipes it away.

She walked up to him and put her hands on either side of his face. "I don't care what people say. You will not ruin me, John. The only ruin I recognize is to be without you!"

"Forget me and be happy. Please." It's all he has ever wanted for her.

"I couldn't. Not ever," she responds. Anna is realizing she is not making any headway and it terrifies her.

"You should and you must. I am nothing," John uttered as he made his way back inside. It hurt him more than he anticipated, leaving her to cry like that. Knowing he had brought that pain upon her when she didn't deserve it. He could actually feel his heart breaking like glass and coldness running into his veins at the memory of her face falling in disappointment as the words left his mouth.


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N It's been far too long since I updated last and I have to say thank you for all the lovely reviews and messages of encouragement I have received in my absence. I also want to thank a-lady-to-me, drstacib, and nurs3gir1 for their lovely insight and feedback for this chapter. As always, reviews are appreciated. Hope you all have a lovely weekend.**_

Part of her wanted to storm after him, to tell him how much she hated him for doing this to her. For doing this to them. She wanted to tell him he was wrong, that he would regret this decision. But most of all, she wanted to tell him that he could do everything he wanted to keep her at arm's length, but it wouldn't change her feelings for him. Her love for John would always overpower whatever feelings of frustration she might be harboring against him.

He had promised he wouldn't keep her waiting ever again. Vowed that he would make up for lost time. Said that he would take more initiative in the future. Were those all just lies? Did that mean nothing now? Did he really think she could no longer love him as he was? These were the thoughts that tormented her as she sat out on the patio trying to console herself for the next half hour. She didn't have the heart to walk into the house just yet, his family was likely still in the living room and Anna knew if his aunt saw how upset she was she'd get roped into a long conversation that she didn't feel like having right now. Instead, she pulled out a cigarette from her pocket and fished for her lighter. Twiddling it between her fingers, she sulked and waited for the others to go to bed. Eventually she gave in to the urge to light the damn thing and watched one by one as the rest of John's family headed off to sleep. Each of them threw a wave to her signaling a 'good night'. The cigarette had long since been stamped out in the dirt below her, but Anna made sure to cover it with her foot when Tess came to check on her.

"Aren't you heading to sleep dear?"

"Soon. I just had a lot to think about before I leave," Anna said bravely. She was amazed at herself that she hadn't begun to cry at the sound of her own words.

"Well, don't stay up too late," Tess warned in a warm tone. "It's been in my experience that things always look brighter in the morning. No sense losing sleep over it."

Anna offered a half smile at the older woman's words of wisdom.

Tess approached her to envelop her in a hug. "Sleep well dear."

"Thanks, you too," Anna replied as Tess began to head inside.

John's aunt stopped in her tracks and turned to face Anna. "I know I'm not your mother dear and you probably won't listen to me. But you really shouldn't smoke, it's not good for you."

"I'm working on it," Anna said with a chuckle. "I am trying...to quit that is." She rubbed at her forehead, a migraine was setting in. The pressure was becoming unbearable. "It probably sounds like a horrible excuse but when I'm having a bad day it's like a lifesaver, something to hold onto. You know?"

"I'm sorry to hear that you've had so many bad days. I hope I'm not overstepping, but if you ever need anything Anna don't hesitate to ask. You mean so much to John. I only mean to help," Tess offered.

"That means a lot. Perhaps one day I'll take you up on that offer," Anna said.

The two women shared a smile and before long she was watching the older woman shuffle up the stairs.

It was too quiet outside for her liking. Times like this reminded Anna of waiting up in fear, expecting her stepfather to show up in her bedroom. Anna tried to swallow the feeling of a rock caught in her throat. She turned her attentions up to the moon, her thoughts never far from John. After all the times he had pushed her away she was beginning to think that this wasn't meant to be. Love was supposed to be easy, or so she thought. Loving John had never been hard. It was getting him to believe and accept it. Anna thought back to the time he called her his weakness and that gave her a renewed hope. Deep down she believed he loved her as much as she loved him. She wouldn't give him up without a fight. Anna took a moment to collect her thoughts, she wiped her face free of tears and prepared her talking points. John may be a lawyer, but she was not about to let him talk circles around there while she stood before him, mouth wide open like a codfish.

When she was ready Anna walked the short distance down the hallway to his room. Anna knocked gently, "John."

"Hmmmm," he muttered.

At first she thought he was asleep, the pain pills had been having that effect on him. There was something about his voice that sounded strained. She couldn't put her finger on it, but her conscience told her to be persistent. Anna hesitated until she heard a small crash on the other side of the door. "John, I'm coming in."

She turned the door handle to find John's hand swinging wildly at the bedside table trying to reach for something that didn't appear to exist. Her eyes couldn't adjust to the darkness fast enough. Anna flipped on the light switch and saw the bottle of spilled pain pills on the floor, John was sweating profusely and seemed to be disoriented. Rushing to his side, she began calling his name and feeling his forehead. He was burning up and his eyes were rolling into the back of his head.

"John? John?" She was becoming frantic, willing him to answer her. "I'm here love. I don't want to leave you, but I have to go get help." Anna kissed his lips and before she ran to get Tess she whispered, "Stay with me."

* * *

They got him to the hospital as quickly as possible. John barely responded the entirety of the trip as Anna clutched his hand, despite his eyes being fixed on her. She wasn't even sure if he could hear her, but that didn't stop her from talking to him. Like a mantra she told him, "Everything will be alright, John."

That had been hours ago. Beth and Liam were sitting across from her, fighting off the urge to sleep. Both of them were just as eager as she was to get an update on their cousin. Anna approached the nurses station again, "Excuse me." She was sure she looked as worn out as she sounded but was trying to keep a light tone.

"Yes what can I help you with?"

"We were wondering if there has been any status update on John Bates?"

"Are you family?" The nurse asked.

"Well...no…not exactly."

"Then I'm afraid I can't release any information right now."

Anna's features hardened as she attempted to process what the woman in front of her just said. "But you've seen me here all night with his family, surely that counts for something."

"It's hospital policy miss. I don't make the rules. I just follow them."

"I've known John Bates since I was smaller than this counter top. Nearly the bulk of my existence. He's my boyfriend." The nurse didn't know John had broke things off with her earlier that evening. What she didn't know wouldn't kill her. "You're trying to tell me because we don't share blood or I don't have a ring on my finger I'm nothing?"

The nurse looked unfazed. She had clearly had this conversation with numerous visitors before.

Unbeknownst to Anna, Miriam came up behind her to try and help the situation. "What seems to be the problem here?"

"They won't answer me because I'm not family."

Miriam placed a hand on Anna's forearm to calm her and spoke softly to the nurse. "I can assure you Anna is as much family as anyone else sitting here. We just want to know how my nephew is doing."

"Is this a new patient or have you already checked in?"

Anna shook her head in amazement. This exact woman had checked him in herself hours ago. Still she reminded herself that getting snarky with the medical staff wouldn't get her far and so she tried to remain cordial. "He was brought in at eleven o'clock this evening," she reminded.

The nurse took a look at the patient log on the computer screen. "The patient is still in the waiting area. He's being monitored by the nursing staff but we do not have a room available for him yet. When the doctor has an update to give we will give you one."

This was absurd. John had been back there for hours and still nothing. They could have been sitting with him this whole time instead of leaving him alone. "He's not just a patient. He has a name. It's John," Anna scolded.

Beth stood up to comfort her, but Anna was beyond that. She needed a cigarette before she went off on someone else. Anna muttered a half genuine apology to the nurse as she grabbed her jacket and headed outside for some air.

* * *

**.**

The cigarette was nearly halfway done when her phone began to buzz in her back pocket. It was Robert. "Hello."

"Anna. I just got your text. How is he? Do they know what happened?"

"They haven't told us yet. At first I thought he might have overdosed on the medication the doctor prescribed. But judging by the fever he had, I think it might be an infection. He is still so weak from the last operation. I'm so scared for him right now."

"I can only imagine. I'm not sure Cora will be able to make it down there with me. But I'll see about heading down there this afternoon. Please call or text as soon as you hear something."

"I will."

"If you see him give John a hug from both of us."

"Yes of course."

They exchanged goodbyes and Anna finished her cigarette before heading back inside. She was surprised to only see Liam standing in the waiting room when she got back. Her heart nearly dropped into her stomach as her mind began working overtime. Where could they have gone? What had happened to John? Why didn't anyone call her?

"Liam...is he…"

The young man who was closer to her in age than John was produced as comforting a smile as he could muster. "He's doing as well as he can be. They tried to call but it went straight to voicemail. I think it has something to do with the god awful reception in this building. I told them I'd wait behind to take you back so Nurse Ratched doesn't pick a fight with you."

They both chuckled softly and she was ever so grateful for it. It was a temporary escape from the stress she'd been dealing with all night.

"I could have taken her you know," Anna said half joking as they walked back to John's designated room.

"I'm sure you could. You're small, but wiry," Liam noted.

It was as if he were channeling John. They waited for the elevator to take them up to his floor. Each pause and stop becoming longer than the last. When it was just the two of them in the lift Anna asked, "Did they say what it was?"

Liam slowly lifted his head to face her, "Infection."

"How bad?"

"Dunno," he answered as they reached their floor and walked towards John's room.

They could see the rest of the family members speaking with the doctor in the hallway. "He's hooked up to an IV now and we are increasing the dosage for antibiotics. I'm also switching him to something stronger. I don't see a need to open the wound again just yet, but if things continue to get worse it will become a necessity. We'll keep an eye on the skin coloring around the wound and his temperature. For now we'll have to wait and see how John's body responds to the new medication, but I'm fairly confident the fever will break within the next twenty four hours."

"Thank you, doctor," Andrew said. He kissed Miriam's cheek and hugged her tightly. "Looks like we better make ourselves comfortable." Turning back to the rest of the group he began to speak, "I'll do the first coffee run. Anyone want anything else?"

"I don't think I could stomach anything right now," Anna answered.

"Same here," Miriam said.

"I'll take something, but that's probably because of the baby," Beth added.

"You go on ahead and see him first," Anna encouraged Tess. "I'm going to update Robert and then I have to call Mrs. Hughes. I'll probably still have to head back, but maybe she can give me a little more time to see him through the worst of it."

"Take your time dear," Miriam encouraged. "We'll be watching over him."

* * *

Liam had driven Beth home to get some decent sleep on something other than a piece of hospital furniture. It had taken some encouraging, but eventually he convinced her it wouldn't do her or the baby any good to stay up that long or sleep in that position. Andrew had left shortly after to retrieve some clothes for Miriam. Tess had taken up sleeping on the small love seat in the room, even though it was hard as a rock. Miriam was sat beside her in a recliner that didn't seem to recline all the way. Anna was sitting on a medical stool that had no back support, but she couldn't be upset. At least this way she could sit next to John and watch him sleep until exhaustion took over. Anna was still frustrated as hell with him for trying to push her away, but as she had made the phone call to Mrs. Hughes to ask for a few more days leave she could see now why he had done it. If there were any further complications in his recovery she would constantly be left in this position of having to ask her instructors and employers for time off to help John. But it was a choice she was happy to make. She would have done anything for him.

The temperature on one of the machines hooked up to John was still reading higher than it should be. Staring at the monitor seemed to be doing little good, it was like waiting for water to boil. Anna suppressed the urge to yawn loudly and tried to rub the sleep from her eye, but it seemed the day's events were finally taking a toll on her. She grabbed a spare blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders as she leaned her upper half against John's bed for support. All she needed was to give her eyes a few moments rest.

* * *

"Anna?" a low voice whispered as her body was rustled slightly.

"Hmmm...what s'matter?" she asked in a voice thick with sleep. Her eyes adjusted to the low light in the room. Miriam and Tess were staring down at her. "We're going to head down to the cafeteria. Would you like us to get you anything?"

"Um, maybe a sandwich and a juice," she answered.

"What kind?" Miriam asked.

"Surprise me. I'm not picky."

"That's a lie," a gruff voice called out from behind her.

Anna nearly shot out of her chair at the sound of his voice. "John."

"Oh praise the Lord," Tess nearly cried out.

"How are you doing lad?" Miriam asked.

"She says she'll take whatever, but if either of you has something she likes she'll eye it until you offer her some," his throat sounded raw, like he hadn't spoken in weeks. But he was determined to get this out. "Maybe that's just something she does with me. Her favorite is roast beef, light mayo, mustard, and lettuce. She hates tomatoes." Miriam and Tess smiled at the remark and could see now that their boy was on the mend, or at least appeared to be for now. Anna began to interject, but John continued. "She'll tell you she doesn't mind, but you'll catch her picking them off later."

Anna flushed red with embarrassment at his comments. "Is that all you have to say?"

"One more thing," he raised his hand to indicate he wasn't finished. "For a beverage she prefers ginger ale."

"Well, you heard the man, Miriam. Looks like we have some hunting to do. Let's give these two some time alone."

"You're sure you're doing alright?" Miriam asked.

"I've had better days, but I'll be fine for now," John reported with a smile that took more energy to produce than he expected. "I just need some time alone with Anna."

Tess and Miriam had both had their suspicions that something had gone awry between the young couple. They were also confident that it had been John to make a mess of things by trying to be noble, but they had both kept their opinions to themselves. His aunts came and offered him a kiss on the cheek before scuttling off to the cafeteria.

Once the two women were out of earshot Anna gave him a warning look, "You know they've been waiting a long time for you to wake up. You shouldn't have dismissed them like that."

"They'll be fine," he insisted. "You weren't supposed to still be here." His voice didn't sound angry or disappointed. In fact, he sounded surprised to see her there at all.

"I didn't feel you gave me a chance to say my peace."

"That's because there is nothing more to say," John responded.

"You're wrong," she shot back. "Now you may not agree with me, but I know my own mind John Bates. I've always known I love you and I always will."

He shook his head in disagreement. Even though he believed every word of it, he couldn't believe he had woken up to this conversation.

"I know you feel the same way too or you wouldn't be doing all of this to try and protect my future. I know you promised to take more initiative in the future, but this is not what I had in mind. You don't just get to tell me that we are over and done without my consent."

"Would you have given your consent to me?"

"No," she replied immediately.

"That's why I did it. I thought if I broke your heart enough you'd despise me and never look back."

"Sorry to have disappointed you. We share too much history for me to give up so easily. And I'm not giving up on you. Do you think that when I first saw you I thought there's the man for me, one who can walk?"

He stared at her as if she had gone mad.

Sometimes he could be so infuriating and stubborn. What did she have to do to convince him? "You are so much more than that, John. I love you for so many things, most of all because you are my friend. I love you for your mind, for your charm, your sense of humor, your selflessness. Even the things I don't love, they are what make you you. The boy who stole my heart and grew into the man I can't live without. Being away from you these last few months was torture. If you are going to sentence me to a life without you, it won't do me any favors. I'll never love again the way I love you."

John lay in bed across from her utterly dumbfounded. He couldn't possibly argue with her. "What if I never walk again?" He asked softly.

"We'll stay in. I've always been more of a homebody anyway."

He shook his head knowing that wasn't true, but moved by her gesture. "What about Paris?"

"Last time I checked you can still fly and drive to Paris," she said.

"I meant your job at the museum."

"I'll find a way to make it work. We'll find a way," she emphasized.

"And children?"

"Do you know something I don't?" she teased with a playful grin.

"Anna have you given any thought to what that would be like?" All he could picture was Anna struggling to care for him and a small child. And he'd be left sitting there unable to provide for them properly.

"As a matter of a fact yes. I have thought of having children with you."

"And?"

"I can't think of anything I'd want more."

Whatever he had thought she was going to say, he hadn't been expecting that.

"Maybe not now. But eventually yes. I can see them now."

"Them?"

"Yes them," she said with a smile. "They take after you, with dark hair and hazel eyes. Especially our boy." Anna had come back to life at the mention of a future with him, even if she could only see it right now. "They'll be the perfect mix of you and me. Little bits of heaven created from what you and I share. And one day we'll get to tell them the story of us."

She'd gotten a bit carried away with herself but John was still listening intently. "Go on," he encouraged.

Her breath hitched at the sound of his words. Never in a million years did she expect to be sharing one of her greatest secrets with him. A desire to bear his children. It wouldn't be anytime soon of course. There was still so much she wanted to do with her life; so many things she wanted to experience with John before they settled down. But before Anna went on any further they needed to settle matters. "Not until you promise me there'll be no more discussion of us ending things."

A long regretful sigh escaped him. He was defeated, but John supposed he always had been. Anna had stolen his heart long ago and time had done nothing to make his ardour for her dissipate. Still, he was at a loss for words.

"You really hurt me, John."

"I know," he said full of remorse. His hands were crossed in his lap and he could barely look her in the eye. John wouldn't blame her if she never let him live this down. "And I'm truly sorry. I don't mean to push you away when things are complicated. You have to know that what I did was not meant to punish you, Anna. I've always had your best interest at heart. After the accident, I tried to picture a future with you, but all I could see was me dragging you down. All I could see were opportunities passing us by because of this," John said, gesturing towards his leg.

She believed it. All of it.

"Just tell me what to do to make things right," he was pleading with her.

Under normal circumstances she would have gone weak in the knees at the sound of his words, would have gone barreling into his arms. But this wasn't the first time he had burned her. To give in so easily was not a healthy pattern for them, whether it be as friends or lovers, even with a genuine apology on the line. She had shown her cards, had never made it a secret as to how deep her love for him ran. Anna needed confirmation from him that John was just as committed as she was.

"No."

"What?" he asked with curious eyes.

"I'm not going to tell you how to fix this, John. You need to find a way to set things right again. Prove to me that with or without your leg, deep down, you are still the same person I fell in love with. The one who would never hurt me."

"I...I wouldn't know where to begin."

"You're going to have to earn my trust again. When you told me we could only be friends, you broke all those promises you made to me in our short time as a couple. Let's start there."

John shifted in his hospital bed, the pain in his leg had all been forgotten about from the moment he had woken up to see Anna sitting beside him. He wasn't even concerned about what had happened to him, or what his being in the hospital meant. All he was aware of was the fact that the woman he had pined over for years hadn't left his side despite how poorly he had treated her.

"Anna, I…"

"We're back," Miriam announced as she walked into the hospital room. Tess wasn't far behind and offered up the sandwich and drink to Anna. Before John could ask for a few minutes more of privacy with Anna, Robert made his grand entrance.

"I should get back to the house, I need to change and see about rescheduling my flight," Anna said as she rose from her seat. "Thanks for the sandwich," she thanked Tess and Miriam. The women exchanged 'goodbyes'.

"But we didn't get to finish talking," John pointed out.

She moved to the side of his bed and leaned over to whisper in his ear, "No more talking. Listen to your heart, John. Think about what I said earlier and I'll be back tomorrow. Just focus on getting better right now, for me."

"I will," he whispered back.

John tilted his head back to kiss her, but instead was met with a kiss on the forehead. He was certainly going to have his work cut out for him. If anyone was up for the challenge, it was him. And he would move heaven and earth to be with her again.


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N Hello readers and followers. My apologies for being absent so long and not updating. Hopefully those of you who started this story are still interested in reading this. I'm anticipating only three more chapters to this story. The next chapter should be longer. A special thanks to drstacib and nurs3gir1 for being my betas on this chapter. Enjoy your week and please review.**_

John was still sore when he woke up the next day. Though he supposed it could have been worse, all things considered. He began to panic when his aunt arrived without Anna.

Miriam immediately noticed the look of concern written on his face. She was quick to reassure him, "She's still here. Tess stayed with her, said she'd make sure Anna had a proper meal before coming over." His shoulders relaxed a bit. "I don't think that poor girl has slept properly in days."

"Thank you both for taking such good care of her," John said. "I am at fault for her lack of sleep."

"Don't be silly, you couldn't have known this was coming. And the police are still looking for the perpetrator," Miriam responded.

"That's not what I mean, Mim." John called her by the name he had used as a child, before he had been able to properly pronounce 'Miriam'. "I've made a right mess of things with her. For the longest time I didn't recognize the way she felt for me. And then I was in denial about the way I felt for her. It took her nearly being out of my life completely for me to realize that the feelings I had were real. But I didn't want to tell her because I was so worried about holding her back." He felt an ache in his chest, and this time it wasn't from his accident. His heart broke at the memory of his cousin's wedding night and the conversation that followed the morning after. "I've pushed her away so many times. I have to do something to make it up to her."

Miriam placed a hand over one of John's. "I'd tell you what I would do in this situation, but I think this is one problem you need to figure out on your own."

"Can I have a hint?" he teased.

His aunt smiled fondly at him. It wasn't often that her nephew came to ask for help. She knew John was crazy about Anna, always had been. And the same could be said of Anna's feelings towards John. "John, you need to make a big gesture. Apologies will only carry you so far."

"I couldn't carry myself right now if I wanted to," he said half joking. It was an attempt to lighten the mood. John moved to sit up in his hospital bed a little straighter, but let out a loud groan as the motion strained his knee. "Lord Almighty. I think I'm going to need a stronger cocktail after that." He clicked on the small remote that was attached to the dispenser for morphine.

Miriam grimaced at her nephew. He had a long road of recovery ahead of him. For now, he looked to be in the clear, or as much as one could be, all things considered. At least the infection seemed to be in remission, but there was still a lot of work to do in regards to how the bone would heal. The bone would heal regardless, but she worried about his spirit. He needed someone in his corner; a good woman, like Anna.

"Mim, I need you to do something for me before Anna arrives."

"Anything."

"I have something at my place...it belonged to Mum. It's in a shoebox up in my closet."

"John, you're not thinking of doing what I think you are, are you?" Miriam was equally excited and anxious for him. Making such a big decision when so many things were still up in the air was probably not the best idea.

"No. We aren't quite there yet. Given everything I put her through I think that would be putting the cart ahead of the horse," John explained.

"You're probably right."

"I just don't think I can bank on our history together getting us through this. It's certainly a start, but Anna deserves more than that. She needs to be courted first," he added.

"Good lad. I better head over to your place if I'm going to beat her back to the hospital," Miriam replied.

"Thanks. Can you fetch the doctor for me on your way out?" he asked.

"You're not in pain are you lad?"

"Mim, I'm fine. I promise. I just need to run something by the doctor."

Miriam paused for a moment to regard her nephew carefully. She couldn't quite tell for certain, but she was hopeful he was telling the truth and not hiding anything from her. Giving him a kiss on his forehead, she quickly exited the room to find the doctor and head back to John's apartment.

* * *

"Is there anything else I can get you, mate?" Robert asked. He had just helped John shave to clean him up for Anna. It was incredible how many years a fresh shave could take off of John. He looked like a new man. Robert handed John a mirror to check his reflection. "How did I do?"

John gave himself a look over and smiled. "You did splendid, Rob. Can you move the flowers over here so I can present them to Anna?"

"Sure," Rob replied. He quickly moved across the room to grab the freshly wrapped bouquet. Robert placed it on the side table.

"Can I see the comb?" John asked. Robert reached into the leather doppel bag and retrieved a comb for his friend. John slicked his hair back into place. "I really appreciate you helping me out, Robert."

"It's not necessary. I feel so guilty for not being with you when this all happened. It's the least I could do," Robert replied.

"That's not true," John said. "If you had been with me when this happened, you'd probably be sitting in the hospital bed next to me."

"Any word from the police on who attacked you?" Robert inquired.

"Not to my knowledge. I'm not sure that knowing would make me feel any better either," John said. "Right now I need to focus all my efforts on getting out of this bed and walking again for Anna. Before I can do that I need to win her back."

"I can't imagine she'd turn you down when you look as handsome as you do," Miriam said as she entered from the hallway.

"Well...he looks alright. Not as handsome as me of course," Robert joked.

"Oh, you're a riot," John teased. He handed the comb back to Robert and then spritzed some cologne on himself. The last thing he wanted was to smell like a sterile hospital, or worse, the hospital food.

John turned his attention to Miriam, "Did you find it?"

"I did," she answered back. Miriam slipped the small black velvet box into John's hand and gave his arm an encouraging squeeze.

Robert, having caught sight of the box, piped up. "Is that what I think it is?"

John didn't have time to explain. He'd already received a text from Tess letting him know that she and Anna were on their way to the hospital.

In the absence of a response it seemed that Robert had already begun to jump to his own conclusions. "You old dawg!" Robert said with a playful shove. "Well it's about damn time! I was wondering when you'd finally come to your senses. Cora will be over the moon when she hears the news."

"Robert, calm down. We're not quite there yet," John tried to explain.

"Not there yet? Well, what are you waiting for? If you drag this out any longer she's going to get a clue that she can do much better than you, mate," Robert joked.

"We'll get there when we get there." John was sounding a bit exasperated, but he just couldn't risk ruining the surprise for Anna. "Now, can you please just keep this to yourself until I've had a chance to talk with Anna?"

"Talk to me about what?" Anna asked as she made herself known.

Miriam nudged Robert's side to give the couple their privacy. "We'll just be out in the lobby should you need anything," Miriam said.

"Thanks," John said. He could feel his mouth going dry from nerves. His eyes settled on the lovely woman standing before him; one he had watched grow up from a young girl. He was more in love with her now than he ever thought possible, and knowing she returned those sentiments only made their bond that much stronger and sweeter. She looked incredible. Even in a simple hoodie and worn pair of jeans she managed to turn him on.

Unbeknownst to John, Anna was looking at him with equal appreciation. He'd always been handsome to her, of course, in any shape or form. But seeing him without the beard that had been masking his face since he'd first been injured gave her renewed hope and appreciation for the man she'd first fallen in love with. The smell of his aftershave filled her senses and made her stomach do a flip with excitement. Seeing his hazel eyes staring back at her from beneath the loose piece of hair that had fallen into his eyeline brought her more joy than she had expected. Anna had always fancied the way they lit up the room and now she realized they only lit up that way for her.

As she made her way towards his bedside, Anna stopped to admire the flowers on his bedside table. "These are lovely," she said. Her head dipped to smell the petals. She turned back to face him with a smile. "Who gave them to you?"

"Well, Robert did," he answered back.

"Robert doesn't seem the type to get flowers for you," Anna thought aloud.

"They're not for me, silly. They're for you," he corrected with a grin.

"For me?" she asked.

"Just step one of many in my attempt to make things up to you. I don't expect you to forgive me overnight. I wanted to court you properly first. I didn't want to rob you of that experience again," he explained.

"Oh, John," Anna said a little breathless. Her emotions were taking over and she was finally hearing the words she had waited for so long.

"I know we made a go of it as best we could before...but it wasn't the same. Trying to start something like that with so many miles between us was harder than I imagined." He reached for Anna's hand and smiled lovingly at her. His fingers stroked and traced the shape of her wrist. "My darling, I still have so much to make up for: words I never meant to say and time I can never get back...I'll never be able to apologize enough."

"I'll get past it with time. I just want things to go back to the way they were before between us. I want that closeness back."

"Whatever you want," he agreed to quickly.

"No more doubts about us," she said firmly.

"Absolutely," he replied.

Anna's eyebrow quirked in response. She didn't doubt John's commitment to her, but she knew he would always have insecurities. _Could he ever get past that?_ She wondered to herself. Saying things and doing things was a very different matter.

"I know things seem uncertain right now, but my love for you has never ceased. Please, come sit by me," he requested in a gentle voice.

Anna still held onto his hand as she sat down in the free space of the hospital bed.

John pondered for a moment on how best to deliver his next words. "I spoke to my doctor before you got here. There are options for me to do my rehabilitation in France. It would be some work and I may have to find alternative housing until I can get out of the wheelchair, but I'll do whatever it takes to be wherever you are."

"You want to come back with me?" she asked.

"If you'll have me," he answered back.

Anna was happier than words could say to hear that he was even considering coming back to France for treatment and to be closer to her. But she didn't know what kind of a message it would be sending him if she accepted his apologies so quickly when he had pushed her away only a few days before.

Sensing her apprehension on the matter, John spoke up first. "Anna, I realize this is a decision that shouldn't be taken lightly. I'm not expecting you to rearrange your life overnight to accommodate me. But I do think this move would be beneficial for us both."

She nodded her head slowly as she processed the information. This was all she had ever wished for in the time they had been apart, but now that the offer was on the table she was not so quick to jump at the opportunity.

"I don't want you to feel rushed," he began to clarify. Anna chuckled in response. "What?" he asked.

"John, rushing has been the least of our problems. If anything, we've gone too slow for my liking," she said with a grin.

"Even still, I didn't think you'd be keen on me sharing a living space with you so soon. I am going to make arrangements to stay in my own space...just until you are ready to move things further along," he suggested.

Anna let out a sigh of relief that she hadn't realized she'd been holding in. She had spent many hours envisioning a life with John, but somehow, given the way the last few days had played out it didn't seem right to make a move so soon. "I'd like that."

"In the meantime, we can get to know each other all over again as a couple. And I can start my rehabilitation. Hopefully my leg will be in working order before we…" he didn't quite know how to finish the sentence without turning red with embarrassment.

"Do anything strenuous," Anna added.

They shared a laugh.

"Yes, exactly," he agreed.

Anna was on the verge of tears as she said, "I was so worried about leaving again. Even with things settled between us. I didn't want to risk ruining things by being in two separate countries." She swiped the back of her hand at the corner of her eye to keep the tears at bay. "I have insecurities too, John. I need reassurances just as much as you do."

"I know," he responded. "I haven't been doing my part as your boyfriend lately. That's why I got you this as well."

"You got me something other than the flowers?" Anna asked.

John nodded his head in answer. He began to fumble through the tiny pile of sheets at his side and pulled out a small box. "Anna…"

"Oh, my god."

Sensing her confusion, and possibly her apprehension, he spoke up. "Now hold on a second. This isn't what it looks like," he said calmly.

"It isn't?" Her eyebrows were knit together in confusion.

"No. In fact, I wasn't going to consider asking you if you had turned down the idea of me moving to Paris."

"This sounds an awful lot like a proposal," she said.

If she only knew. This was the absolute last place he'd ever want to propose to her. "Yes, well given everything I put you through…" he began to say.

"John, you are not completely at fault here," Anna interrupted him. "I won't deny that some of the things you said and did hurt me. But I know your intentions, however misguided they may have been," she said as she fought back tears, "they came from a place of love when you pushed me away."

"Be that as it may, I didn't think I should just jump into the assumption that our history as friends would be enough to guarantee a 'yes' from you if I were to propose now. I don't want you to miss out on all the little romantic moments you deserve to experience in a relationship," he said with a half smile.

She couldn't help but smile. He always put her needs first. "I appreciate that and I would love nothing more than to share in every cliched romantic moment with you," she lowered her voice a little in case someone was listening to them, "one moment in particular."

The heart monitor in the hospital room sped up and John flushed red at the comment. The two of them giggled. Not that his amorous feelings towards her were hard to hide. Oh god, John was just as eager to share in that moment with her as well. He knew every other aspect of this woman. He could recite her life forwards and backwards, right down to the most minute detail. She was so much more than a tumble in the sheets.

The silence began to fill the room. "John?" she asked softly. "If this isn't a proposal, what is it?"

"This is a promise that I'm making to you. A commitment if you will," he pressed a kiss to her knuckle. "I will never leave you in doubt again, Anna."

Anna sat there in stunned silence.

"I will ask you to marry me someday," he said with an impish smile. It was a thought that had crossed his mind many times in their time apart, just before the accident. "But I'd rather be able to ask you when I'm able to get down on one knee and not from a hospital bed." Then in a half teasing tone he said, "If you still want me that is."

"I'll always want you," she replied with a voice of longing. Anna let her hand reach up to stroke his cheek. "I'm not going to let your injury come between us, no matter what the outcome is." She leaned forward to kiss him gently on the lips.

He wanted to melt into the taste of her mouth on his. His free hand came up and gently cupped a few strands of her golden tresses. John released a content sigh and in a gruff voice he responded, "Neither am I. I know it won't be easy and maybe my leg won't ever be the same again," John paused and looked deeply into Anna's eyes. "But I can learn to live with it so long as I have you by my side."

Anna smiled broadly. "So are you going to let me see it?"

"See it?" John asked in response.

"The ring, silly," she clarified.

"Oh right," John said as if he'd just been broken from a spell. He opened the box and unveiled the slim band of gold. It wasn't anything glamorous but that had been John's intention. This was meant to be a symbol of his promise and commitment to her; something that spoke for itself without being flashy. He'd give her a real ring worth bragging about when he officially proposed in the future. "I didn't get to have it sized, if it doesn't fit I can fix it later," he began in an apologetic tone.

"I love it," she cooed as her finger traced over the shape of the band.

"You're not just saying that?" he inquired.

"No. I'm sure it will be fine and if it's a little big or small I can wear it on a chain until I can get it resized," she assured.

His features softened at the sound of her words; all concern and worry quickly slipped away. John removed the ring from the box and placed it on her finger. He noticed it was a little loose, but not so much that it would slip off. "It looks perfect on your finger," he said in a gentle timbre.

"Thank you," she replied with a smile. "This means so much to me, John. Well, this and knowing you'll be joining me in France as soon as possible. I don't want you to have to go through rehab alone, and getting health updates from your aunts just wouldn't be the same as hearing it for myself."

"I hope you know what you are getting yourself into," he warned.

"John, I'm not a child anymore. I can make decisions on my own," she said with a stubborn tone. "And this is one that I'm very sure of and don't need to be second guessed about any further." She took a deep breath, "This is the part where you nod your head in agreement and say 'Yes, dear'."

John let out a small laugh. He patted her hand and nodded as he said, "Yes, dear."

"I know you don't think much of it, but I can't wait to show this off to Gwen and Cora," Anna said as her eyes looked back at the ring that adorned her finger.

"About that...Cora probably already knows," John said with a guilty face.

"She knows you gave me a ring?"

"Well, she may not know I gave it to you now or how, but Robert saw Miriam give it to me after she retrieved it from my place."

"So Robert knew you were going to give me the ring before I did?"

"You don't mind do you?"

"Of course I mind. I'd give you a smack if I wasn't so happy right now," she answered back with a wide grin. Anna was about to kiss him once more when there was a knock on the door and Tess let herself in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, but a detective from the police station just called. They apprehended the man who attacked you," Tess said.

"Who?" Anna asked.

"An Alex Green," Tess replied. "Does that name sound familiar to you, John?"

"No," John answered quickly. "How do they know it's him?"

"They got a lead off some camera footage that caught him walking away from the alley he left you in," Tess added.

"If he can't identify him, then what? They'll release him?" Anna asked.

"Not quite. When they confronted Mr. Green he was quick to turn over his accomplice. She wasn't at the scene, but his girlfriend, Vera, had something to do with planning the attack," Tess continued.

"Vera," John said slowly. His eyes widened in recognition. "She was at the trial. I didn't interact with her hardly at all, but she wasn't happy with the ruling in court." The room went quiet for a few seconds before John began chuckling softly to himself. Anna and Tess looked at him as though a third eye were growing out of his head. "I thought I'd feel better knowing who was behind it...knowing who caused me this pain and derailed all my plans. But I don't. I don't feel any better."

Anna squeezed his hand in hers to offer support.

"I'm going to be all right, though," he spoke softly. "We are going to be all right."

"The important thing is we can start to move forward and we don't have to keep looking over our shoulders," Anna added. Before John could say anything more on the matter, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on John's forehead.


End file.
